Family Bonds
by Beutelmaus
Summary: “Can’t you just be there for the family for once?” Birthday fic for kotilo. AkuRoku, AU, College setting, because that’s what was wished for. Oh, and it’s slash. And will go up all the way to the M-rating in later chapters. You've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting, because that's what was wished for. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's also what was wished for!

**Warning:** BEWARE THE READING GLASSES!! :D

**Disclaimer:** Indeed, I do not own the characters or places that are mentioned in this story. And indeed, I do not make money out of this. Indeed, you must fall to your knees and worship SquareEnix and Disney, for they created such wonderful characters for us fanbrats to torture…

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 1  
**

Twilight Town. A nice, clean, calm town, known for both its ice cream specialties and for Sunset Terrace, from where one could watch the most beautiful sunsets. And for its Art College.

The Twilight College of Art was small, but had established a good reputation since its foundation. Conditions of admission were strict, and only the best students were allowed to study here. It was an honor to be admitted into this college, and every student was reminded of it on a daily basis. Graduation at this college opened up a whole variety of possibilities; galleries in Radiant Garden and Disney Castle, symphonic orchestras in Wonderland, Atlantica and Neverland, all of them wanted Twilight College's graduates. Not even Radiant Garden's Music and Arts Faculty was comparable.

And it was satisfactorily far away from Atlantica. Perfect.

Axel Kaji, twenty-three year old Arts and Arts History student in his third year, gazed up to the famous clock tower of the faculty. He had spent weeks moving to this small town, finding an apartment, a job, applying to courses he found interesting. He had formally transferred from the University of Arts in Atlantica only days ago. There were very few possibilities to go out in this town, and it seemed impossible to throw parties here, even though Twilight Town was a well-known university town; all in all it was very different from Atlantica. But that was just what Axel wanted. His rebellious years had been over since he had turned twenty. Since his mother had died.

Well, but that wasn't quite correct; even by moving here he was rebelling against his father once more. Triton Oumono, Chief Justice and most promising candidate for the presidential office of Atlantica, did not approve of his only son's choice of studies. Law; _that_ was what Axel should have studied. He should have worked for his father, like two of his sisters already did. At least in Axel's father's opinion. His mother would have appreciated Axel's choice. His father didn't. Nothing Axel had ever done had found Triton's approval.

Axel sighed, leaning back on the park bench he was sitting on, stretching his long legs. Well. He was used to being treated like a failure by his father. It had been his sisters who had always encouraged him to do what he wanted, and here he was; sitting in front of Twilight Art campus, watching the hands of the big clock move, but not daring to actually set foot into the building itself. Oh, he knew he still had half an hour until his first class of Art History started. He knew where the right room was, he had the whole schedule for today memorized. He still had time to stay here and watch; but he had a feeling as if he didn't belong here…

Oh, he was an excellent student, and he knew it, but still. He didn't belong anywhere. He hadn't belonged to Atlantica, with its endless beaches and expensive lifestyle, he hadn't belonged to Radiant Garden, where he had lived for a year as a teenager, when he had fled his home for the first time; Radiant Garden, a vibrant city full of lively, successful people. He had never belonged there as well. Oh, he had thought he had; he had thought he had found a home. He had spent the year partying, he had enjoyed how his name had opened every door for him. And then his friends had gone away, one after another, when all his savings had been gone and his father had refused to give him more. Two years later he had taken on his mother's maiden name and had refused to take advantage of his family's fame and wealth any longer. The only thing he had kept was a fund his mother had left him when she had died. It was enough to pay his tuition fees and some of his bills, but he still had to work to pay the rent of the nice, not too small apartment he was living in.

He sighed again, then grabbed his coat and his book bag. People around him were giving him odd looks already, but he was used to that. He wasn't exactly inconspicuous. His spiky, uniquely colored hair alone was enough to draw _some_ attention, and his bright eyes and lean stature were quite eye-catching as well. Not to mention the dark triangle tattoos on his pale cheeks.

He kept his eyes fixed on the floor as he strolled through the hallways. He had seen the whole building the day before, when he had gotten his schedule. He didn't need to stare at everything open-mouthed, like some newbies he passed by on his way to class did.

His class was still empty, but soon after Axel had taken a seat, students entered the room in small groups. Some watched him curiously, some started to whisper. Axel opened one of his books and simply ignored them. He had taken parts of this class before, he didn't need to pay attention anyway. He frowned and screwed up his eyes when the tiny letters became blurred rather quickly. Sighing, frustrated, he pulled his reading glasses out of his book bag and put them on. He hated those stupid glasses. The only good thing about them was that they were red-rimmed. He liked red.

"Hey, you must be new here," a friendly voice next to him spoke up, and from the corners of his eyes Axel could see a hand being outstretched in his direction. He blinked twice, but didn't bother to look up. Instead he adjusted his glasses and hid his face behind his book, ignoring the person standing next to him. After a few seconds he could hear them mutter, "Stuck-up asshole!" and go away. He allowed himself a satisfied smirk.

Class started soon afterwards, and Axel was glad that no one else seemed to be brave enough to approach him. He put his book down when the professor entered the room. When the rather young seeming man asked him if he wanted to introduce himself he refused politely, then picked up his book once more. The professor didn't seem to mind.

A few minutes later a small scrap of paper was thrown onto his desk, and Axel lowered the book to stare down at it for a moment. He picked it up and twirled it between his long fingers for a while, then flicked it away without bothering to look at it properly. He put his book down again and raised a hand.

"Yes, Mr. Kaji?" the professor asked calmly, but frowned slightly. Axel ignored his pointed look and rose from his seat, pulling his glasses from his nose and taking a quick look around. He knew everybody was staring at him, and he also realized some of the stares were quite admiring; but it wasn't like he wasn't used to that. People, especially girls, seemed always to stare at him like that. Must be his incredibly good looks, he thought sardonically.

"Whoever just threw me that letter thing," he started slowly, scowling at his fellow students, annoyed, "Don't do that again. Letting aside the fact that it's something you should have stopped doing in middle school, I'm not interested in anything you have to say anyway. My name is Axel Kaji, and you won't learn anything else about me. I'm not interested in making friends, I'm not interested in parties, nor will I join a study group or go out with you, and I sure as hell won't have lunch with you after this class. I won't ever tell you anything about myself. Get used to it and leave me alone." He nodded into the professor's direction and put on his glasses once more. "Thank you. I apologize for interrupting."

He sat down and picked up his book again. No more letters interrupted his concentration, and at the end of class he left the room without trying to talk to anybody.

* * *

He had lunch on his own in the college cafeteria, relieved that no one seemed to bother trying to sit with him. He continued to read, also throughout most of his lessons. The first day went by uneventfully, and for that he was glad.

After his classes he headed to the small bookstore he worked at to earn some money. His boss, a quiet guy called Zexion, showed him everything and left him alone afterwards. It couldn't have been more perfect. Axel spent the afternoon restocking the shelves with new books and greeting a few customers; he wasn't allowed to sell anything yet, for the first week he was only helping out in the storage. Zexion explained to him he would have to take shifts at the register as well, but seeing as not many students seemed to find their way here, Axel didn't mind. Most of his first day he spent in the back of the store, reading an interesting book he had found in the storage room, and afterwards he said goodbye to Zexion and left.

On his way home he noticed a small café, not far away from the bookstore. Even though it was already past six it was still open, and the delicious smell of coffee wafted out of the open door. Some people were enjoying the last sunlight for the day out at the small terrace, drinking their drinks and chattering quietly. The inside of the café seemed cozy as well, and after some contemplation Axel decided to get a coffee himself. He would have to stay up for some time anyway; he still had to unpack most of his stuff.

He was pleasantly surprised that the café only seemed to serve 'normal' coffee, not the artificially flavored, low-fat, soy-milk infested stuff the big coffee shops in Atlantica and Radiant Garden served.

"You're new here, aren't you?" the waitress asked as she served his drink, along with a piece of chocolate cake. Axel lowered his book and glanced down at the cake, then looked up to the waitress. She was smiling brightly, brushing some of her auburn hair behind an ear and tilting her head to the side a bit.

"I didn't order that…" He adjusted his reading glasses and looked at her name tag. "… Kairi?"

"Oh, I know," she answered cheerfully, pushing the dish closer to him. "It's on me. Since you're new and all. Besides, you look like you could use some calories, you're awfully thin…"

Axel allowed himself an amused smirk and put both his book and his glasses down.

"That's pretty rude," he exclaimed, leaning back and gazing up to her smugly. "No way to treat a new customer."

"I think you can handle the truth," Kairi replied, smiling.

"How did you know I was new here anyway?" Axel asked and took a small sip of his hot drink. Delicious, just like the distinct coffee scent outside had promised.

"Twilight Town is pretty small," she answered shrugging. "I've lived here for eight years, and I think I would have recognized you if I had ever seen you before…"

"So… you're not from around here yourself?" Axel asked curiously, leaning forward a little.

"No, a friend of mine and myself moved here from Destiny Islands eight years ago," she replied, again brushing back a few strands of her auburn colored hair.

"A friend?" Axel raised an eyebrow questioningly, allowing his smirk to widen a fraction.

"A friend," Kairi agreed. "Just a friend. Not my boyfriend, not my lover, nothing like that. Just one of my oldest friends."

"Hm…" Axel nodded absently.

"Well, I have to serve some other customers here… Enjoy the cake! I hope I'll see you here again soon," she said, then she left his table.

Axel looked around, taking in the calm, quiet atmosphere of the small café, and nodded to himself.

"I think you will," he mumbled, then picked up his book and glasses again.

* * *

He soon developed a pattern for spending his days: Most of his classes took place before noon, only on Wednesday he had one class from two to four p.m. All afternoon he spent in the bookstore, and after work he spent one or two hours in the café. Most of the time he was seen reading a book, sometimes he had his sketchbook with him and drew. He usually preferred painting, and that he always did on weekends, when he had enough time and wouldn't be interrupted, but every once in a while something or someone caught his eye and demanded to be drawn. Besides, he had to practice anyway; his teachers demanded quite a lot of knowledge about different kinds of visual arts, about different techniques, different styles.

Sometimes he recognized students from his classes, but always ignored their attempts at conversation, regardless if he met them in the bookstore or in the café. The only people he talked to on a regular basis were Zexion and Kairi, but even those conversations were always short. Just like he wanted it.

* * *

Sometimes he just watched other people in the café, his bright green eyes moving over other customers lazily. One day however, one of those other customers caught his eye.

A young man, maybe in his late teens, was sitting at a table not far from Axel's, with four other students. Two of them were in some of Axel's classes, the other ones he didn't recognize. And he was sure he had never seen the boy before; he knew he would have recognized those radiant blue eyes, and the golden, stylishly disheveled hair. Blond spikes were swept to the side slightly, honey-colored bangs falling into his face. Axel couldn't help but notice the boy's delicately chiseled features, pouty lips giving him an air of innocence. He was smiling softly, but didn't laugh when his companions did. He didn't even seem to talk at all, just listened to the conversation taking place around him, sometimes nodding or smiling his gentle smile.

Stunningly beautiful, in Axel's opinion.

Axel couldn't stop thinking about the blond when he went home. He thought his smile had seemed too sad, too tired to be real, but somehow this aura of melancholy only added to his beauty.

He kicked his boots off and threw his coat over the couch in the living room, absent-mindedly picking up a sketchbook and a pencil as he made his way over to a cozy chair near the big window. He sat down cross-legged, and immediately started to draw.

He ended up staying up all night, unsuccessfully trying to make the drawing perfect. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't catch the boy's innocent face the way he wanted.

* * *

Next day after his work shift had ended, he went to the café again. He immediately recognized the blond boy from the day before, and sat down at a table near him. This time the blond was with another man. They looked quite similar, Axel noticed, even though the brunet seemed to be older than the blond one. Their eyes were almost the same. Those eyes, the eyes Axel hadn't managed to draw perfectly. He secretly pulled his sketchbook out of his book bag, laying it down on his table and opening it.

He kept stealing glances at the blond at the other table. The shape of his face, his lips, his nose, his side-swept hair, the elegant curve of his neck, everything seemed perfect… And yet the man on the drawing wasn't the same as the one sitting over there. Axel couldn't pinpoint the flaw in his drawing… He thought it could have been the eyes, but he couldn't see them properly; golden bangs were blocking his view.

He froze when suddenly Kairi walked over to the table, exchanging a few words with the two men. She kissed the brunet on the cheek, who smiled at her fondly.

And then the blond perked up at something she had said… And looked over to Axel.

Their eyes met, and all Axel could do was to keep staring. His eyes were a deep cerulean, he noticed, and even though they seemed so deep they were radiant in their beauty. He had never seen such an intense shade of blue before. Perfect.

He left the café in haste, trying to ignore the slight blush on the blond's cheeks as he realized Axel had been watching him the whole time. Because that blush made him look so damn _cute_ and even more perfect, it was almost painful to look at such beauty and not be able to… to...

Axel couldn't tell what he wanted to do. He wasn't interested in guys, so he couldn't be drawn to the young man like _that_. But he couldn't get his mind off him; he was perfect, such beauty just demanded to be drawn. He thought he could watch the blond for hours without getting tired of the sight.

And that scared him out of his mind.

* * *

And yet he returned the next day, secretly hoping to see his blonde muse again. But this time he was disappointed, as he couldn't spot the blond stranger anywhere in the café.

He still ordered green tea, sitting down at a table at the far end and pulling out his sketchbook once more. He still couldn't say what was wrong with the drawing. He was fairly sure it was the eyes, but even after staring into them for what had seemed an eternity the day before, he couldn't tell what was wrong with…

"My lashes are darker," a gentle voice right next to his ear said. Axel dropped the sketchbook, but somehow managed not to cry out surprised. He glanced to the side, only catching a glimpse of golden blond spikes before his eyes darted to his sketchbook again.

'_What the hell?'_ he thought, trying to calm his racing heart down. The person standing next to him took a step to the side, and Axel found himself staring into those unbelievably blue eyes once more.

"My lashes. See?" The blond pointed at his eyes. "They don't match my hair, maybe that's why you had problems with them."

Axel managed to take a look at his drawing, which was now lying on his table, awfully close to the cup of tea. A little to the left and it would have been soaked…

"You're right," he admitted after a while, glad that his voice sounded strong and didn't show how much the blond had startled him.

"But otherwise it's really good," the younger male added and took the seat across from Axel, folding his hands on the table and smiling gently. Axel just shrugged and put the drawing away.

"When did I allow you to sit down?" he asked, immediately regretting it. But the boy just smiled a bit wider, propping his chin in one hand as he continued to watch the redhead.

"When did I allow you to draw me?" he countered, and Axel could feel his cheeks heat up a little. He just hoped it didn't show. The blond chuckled, then outstretched one hand. "My name is Roxas Hikari. I just started studying Art History."

Axel stared at the offered hand for a moment before he took it, squeezing it gently. Well. Obviously he hadn't guessed the blond's age quite right… He didn't look like twenty.

"Axel Kaji," he introduced himself. "Third year in Arts and Art History."

"I know. I saw you in college a few times." Roxas nodded. "A few of my… A few people I know are in some of your classes."

"I noticed," Axel agreed. He had also noticed the use of the term 'people I know' rather than 'friends'. How strange.

"They said you were a stuck-up jerk who thinks he's better than the rest," Roxas continued, playing with his blond spikes absently.

"Maybe I am," Axel replied smugly, taking a sip of his tea.

"Maybe," Roxas agreed, but smiled when he noticed Axel's suddenly sulky expression. "But I don't think so. Your art says otherwise."

"Does it?" Axel asked and took another sip.

"Yeah… Even though I don't look that feminine." Roxas grinned a bit wider. "And you forgot those." He brushed his hair behind an ear, showing two small earrings on the right one. "But otherwise it tells me you are observant, devoted and a perfectionist, but not stuck-up. My expression on the picture wouldn't be sad; it would be proud or haughty if you were. And you read a lot." He nodded at the glasses on the table. "I'd say you are intelligent. And even though I would have never thought, you don't seem to be very expressive…"

"Bad experiences in the past," Axel said and instantly cursed himself for it. Why did he have to tell a total stranger something like that?

"Is that so?" Roxas' smile lessened considerably, but he didn't pry further. "But that's nothing you should tell a stranger."

"You're not a stranger," Axel disagreed, again cursing his loose mouth and wincing inwardly. On the outside he just smirked. "I know your name, you know mine. 'Stranger' doesn't quite fit, don't you think, _Roxas_?"

Damn, he liked how that name rolled off his tongue.

"I guess you're right," Roxas agreed and smirked himself. "'Person who buys me a hot chocolate'?"

"Hot chocolate?" Axel raised a brow. "Isn't that a bit childish?"

"Why? Kairi told me you liked chocolate cake. It's not that different," Roxas said and shrugged. "Besides, how old did you guess I was when you saw me first?" He smirked when Axel stayed silent. "Thought so."

"Doesn't that annoy you?" Axel asked interested.

"Nah, I'm still hoping it will save me all the anti-aging stuff when I'm older." Roxas ran a finger over his flawless cheek and grinned again. "Besides, the ladies are crazy about the 'Innocent'-look lately. Don't you read fashion magazines?"

Axel ended up buying that hot chocolate. And to add to that he ended up talking to the blond until the café closed and Kairi kicked them out. And when he went home he couldn't stop grinning like a maniac, knowing he would see Roxas the next day again.

* * *

**Quick Note:** Yeeeeeeah, like I already mentioned, this was originally supposed to be a birthday present for my dear **kotilo** (and it still is, if you want it, my dear). Her birthday was in May, but the story turned out way longer than I intended (like all my stories seem to do). But I'm starting to post this now (with her permission) to post at least _something_; Perfect Match will have to wait for a while, since I'm currently going through hell. Yes, through _hell_. No, I don't know how long the next chapter of PM will take. Don't even think of asking that if you don't want me to have a nervous breakdown.

But since this one is already halfway finished, I can post a few chapters of this until I get to write new stuff. So, I hope you enjoy it; I know I enjoyed writing it a lot. So far.

Well. Receiving reviews is always nice. But still: Please do not review if the only thing you have to say is that you want me to update. Knowing me, it will make me only update slower, if anything. There are many, _many _writers who also enjoy a simple 'I loved this!', I know, and to be honest, I feel bad for not being one of them. I just want to know _what _it was that you liked in the story, if that is possible. And: Constructive reviews are always welcome.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Uh... Kissing. Between two guys. LOL Yeah, in the second chapter already... I couldn't believe it either... Aaaand a bit of self-touching. Nothing too explicit though.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _shit_! All the characters do belong to Disney in one way or another... Shocking news, I know...

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_Axel ended up buying that hot chocolate. And to add to that he ended up talking to the blond until the café closed and Kairi kicked them out. And when he went home he couldn't stop grinning like a maniac, knowing he would see Roxas the next day again._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 2**

Said next day started with an unpleasant surprise. Axel immediately noticed it when he entered the campus.

Posters seemed to be attached to every available surface, bold letters announcing a concert. And not only a concert, but a gig of one of the newest singer sensations from Atlantica in Twilight Town. 'Ariel', the posters screamed at him, 'Live in concert'.

He stared at the name for a moment, then grabbed one of the posters and ripped it off. He was tempted to rip it to tiny pieces, but decided it would be enough just to throw it to the floor and stomp down on it. And another one was ripped off, and another, and another… Until he noticed some people were already giving him odd looks. He glared at them, silently daring them to give him an excuse to start a fight, but none of them dared to speak up. Clever.

He stormed off, seething as he noticed more posters inside the building itself. At least classes were free of them…

… but not free of the singer herself.

Axel bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from yelling at his fellow students when a few of them started to whisper behind his back. That singer was so gorgeous, had such an angelic voice, was so beautiful and fair, her new album so great, her music so wonderful, her talent so unbelievable… His hands cramped around his pencil, finally snapping it in half. The inside of his cheek was already bleeding. It tasted salty and metallic and very, very unpleasant.

He took in a deep breath, not even noticing that words accompanied it when he let it out again.

"She's a spoiled brat, that's what she is," he hissed hatefully, dropping the pieces of his pencil and balling his hands into tight fists. "And she's a fucking failure as a _mom_."

"What did you say?" a girl sitting next to him asked, but she flinched back when he turned to glare at her. Axel really considered simply hitting her, but decided against it. Instead he grabbed his book, his bag and his coat and rushed out of class without a word of explanation.

People kept avoiding him when he marched out of the building, and even on the street they seemed to dodge him. Not that he minded. He was too busy seething over that concert. Zexion accepted him starting to work earlier than planned without hesitation, but insisted that Axel would have to stay in the back. And somehow Axel managed to do just that and not to ruin every book he came across, leaving work early.

At home he flung his coat and bag in a corner, no longer bothering to keep his anger back. He screamed, threw things through the apartment, then screamed some more. He punched the walls until his hands hurt, screaming and raging until his voice was almost gone. And then his eyes fell on an unused piece of canvas on the easel in the corner next to the big window in the living room.

He grabbed some brushes from another table and stomped over to the easel, mindlessly opening cans of paint standing next to it. He didn't even look at the colors he used, just splattered them all over the canvas, his eyes not seeing what he was doing… It was like his mind had gone completely blank, but his hands were still moving, dipping various brushes into different cans and applying the paint, creating complex, confusing patterns.

Painting had always helped to calm him down. It was soothing, the smell of paint in the air, the rhythmic movements of his arms, the weight of the brush in his hand, cold paint covering his hands messily; so familiar, so calming…

He didn't look at the finished painting when he felt it was done, but calmly closed the cans and cleansed the brushes, scrubbed his hands and arms until all the paint was off. He realized there was a streak of dark blue smeared over his forehead, but he didn't care. Instead he cleaned the area surrounding the easel, slowly getting rid of scattered paint.

But he could no longer keep his eyes off the painting.

There were only three colors; dark blue, blood red, pure black. Patterns were nearly indistinguishable, but still visible, even though he had seemed to have covered the whole painting in a thin layer of black paint. But underneath it there were shadows, dark blue and blood red shapes crawling out of the darkness…

Doing his best to keep a straight face, Axel picked the picture up and carried it over to his front door. He carried it down the stairs, over to the big dumpsters behind the apartment complex. He shoved the picture into one of the containers and left it there, not even turning around as he ran up to his apartment again.

He didn't get much sleep that night. Midnight blue and blood red figures kept watching him out of the dark.

* * *

When he arrived at college the next day, the posters didn't irk him that much anymore. He could overlook them, no problem. Banning his feelings on canvas always seemed to have this effect on him.

He didn't know if it was because of his outburst the day before, but he realized some people stopped talking when they noticed him. He didn't think much of it.

That day he didn't read the whole day, but actually listened to his lectures, trying to ban _her_ name from his mind. She wasn't here because of him. She didn't know he was here. No one from his old life knew.

At work he apologized to Zexion for being so rude the day before, but Zexion just shrugged it off and told him to forget about it. He also added that he would fire Axel if it happened again, but for now it was okay.

After work Axel walked past the café, looking at the door longingly. He really wanted to be alone now, but he could use some caffeine; there was this project he wanted to finish before the weekend…

He stopped in front of the café, debating whether or not to go inside. He could always get a coffee to go, couldn't he? He needed to start on his project anyway, no time to waste…

But as soon as he entered he regretted it as his eyes met cerulean blue.

Roxas nodded in his direction, smiling slightly. And only a moment later Axel found himself sitting across from the blond, stunned by his own actions. Hadn't he wanted to just get his coffee and go home?

"Hi," Roxas greeted him, playing with his earrings.

"Hi," Axel said, surprised at how meek his voice sounded.

"I missed you yesterday," Roxas mused, lightly tapping his fingers on the table. His full lips formed an adorable pout. "I waited for hours, but you never showed up."

"I never said I'd be here," Axel replied defensively, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glancing at the door. He shouldn't have come here…

"No," Roxas agreed, his face falling. "But I… had hoped you would be." He looked down at the table, his slender fingers drawing odd patterns onto the surface. "I… liked our talk two days ago." He glanced up and smiled at Axel shyly, his cheeks taking on a rosy hue. "You're so unlike anybody I know…"

Axel didn't reply to that, and Roxas looked down again, the soft smile vanishing from his face. He brushed his golden bangs out of his eyes, then started to look around nervously, avoiding looking at the redhead in front of him. But when he attempted to rise from his seat, Axel reached over the table and grabbed the blond's wrist.

"I'm sorry," he said gently, and now it was his turn to avoid the younger man's eyes. "But you knew I'm a stuck-up jerk when you started talking to me, didn't you?"

Roxas grinned and sat down again, and he nodded. "I guess I did," he agreed cheerfully, winking at Axel when he noticed the older man was blushing, obviously feeling ashamed. "But is it wrong if I try to see the good in people's hearts?"

Axel didn't reply to that, but signaled Kairi to come over to their table. In a low voice he ordered green tea for himself and a hot chocolate for the blond sitting across the table. He blinked surprised when Kairi giggled at his order gleefully.

"My, Roxy, it's like you have a _date_," she said, and she only laughed louder when the blond glared at her annoyed.

"Don't call me that," he growled. "And it's not."

"Sure it isn't," Kairi teased him, grinning even wider if it was possible. "Do you guys plan on going anywhere else today? It's Friday, you know…"

"Just bring the drinks," Roxas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And don't you dare tell Sora about this…"

"Why not? It's not like this is a date after all," Kairi asked innocently, batting her long lashes. "I could tell him I saw you in the café with this dashing young man…"

"I'm right here, you know?" Axel interrupted them, waving when they both turned to stare at him. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you tell me I was too thin when I first came here?"

"Oh, but that doesn't make you less handsome," Kairi explained cheerily. "You have such a gorgeous face. I like my men more buff, personally, but Roxy here is all into that 'lean and sensual' type…"

"Would you shut up, woman?" Roxas hissed when Axel chuckled at her explanation. "Do your goddamned _job_, will you?"

"Touchy, touchy," Kairi said and whistled, scurrying off.

Roxas growled something under his breath, leaning back and avoiding looking directly at Axel again. Axel just smiled, but didn't say anything until Kairi placed their drinks on their table. Roxas was still sulking and sent the waitress another glare when she opened her mouth to say something. She kept whatever she had wanted to say to herself and left in a hurry.

"Touchy," Axel repeated instead, raising his hands defensively when cerulean eyes narrowed at him. But when Roxas muttered an apology and tried to stand up again, he caught the other's wrist once more. "Hey! I bought your damn hot chocolate, now sit down and drink it like a good boy."

Roxas flopped down onto his seat again, staring at Axel dumbfounded.

"But… she… I mean," Roxas stuttered, but Axel just tilted his head to the side a bit, smiling questioningly. "Don't you _mind_?" Roxas finally blurted out, blushing when he realized what he had just said.

"Mind?" Axel echoed, acting dumb to tease the blond.

"What she said," Roxas clarified, frowning at the still smiling redhead. It looked more like a pout on him.

"What _did_ she say?" Axel asked innocently, curling his long fingers around his cup of tea. It was still almost scalding hot, just like he liked it.

"She…" Roxas stopped himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest and trying to glare again. Too cute for his twenty years, really. "Are you fucking with me?"

It took Axel a lot of self control to keep a straight face.

"Nope," he muttered, hiding a smile by taking a small sip of his hot drink. "Drink your chocolate, kid."

"Kid," Roxas repeated monotonously. Axel snorted, desperately trying not to choke on his mouthful of tea and hold back maniac giggles bubbling up in his stomach.

"Babyface?" he offered, fluttering his lashes at Roxas much like Kairi had done before.

"It's a shame," Roxas huffed, but finally raised his own cup to his lips.

"What is?" Axel asked curiously.

"That you will tragically die in your sleep and the only way to identify you will be the color of your hair, because the skin will be ripped off your face and your guts will be splattered all over the walls of your room," Roxas answered and smiled sweetly. "And no one will ever know what you did to deserve such a gruesome death."

"Charming," was all Axel had to add to that. He didn't dare to object when Roxas suggested they change their location and have something other than tea and hot chocolate. But he refused to drink anything alcoholic at the bar Roxas brought him to. He had had enough problems with alcohol in the past. Roxas still ordered two drinks, but ended up drinking both of them himself. To his surprise Axel also learned that Roxas smoked.

"Just every once in a while," Roxas explained, completely unfazed by Axel's unbelieving stare. "But not at Kairi's café. She would kill me."

"Are you and Kairi close?" Axel asked, watching tendrils of semi-translucent smoke curl out of Roxas' mouth when the blond exhaled. He felt his hand twitch and quickly busied it by playing with the straw in his drink. God, what would he give for a smoke…

"I guess," Roxas answered lightly. "She's my cousin's friend…"

"The friend from Destiny Islands?" Axel guessed.

"Yep. She and Sora came here a few years ago when his mom married my uncle…"

"Huh?" Axel frowned a little. "What? Didn't you say you were cousins?"

"Well, it's more complicated than that," Roxas said and sighed, stubbing out his cigarette. "We're not really related. Which is funny, because people keep telling us we look very alike." Roxas rubbed his cheek thoughtfully. "I think you saw him. He was with me in the café once." He grinned. "When I noticed you examining me."

Axel could distinctly remember spiky brown hair… and the same blue eyes as Roxas'. Well. He had thought they looked kinda alike…

"My father's older brother met Sora's mother during a business trip to Destiny Islands and they married a year later. Sora came here with his mom, and Kairi followed him. So… we're not really related. Cousins by marriage. But he's a really great guy. A good friend. And him and Kairi are pretty close. That makes Kairi my friend as well." Roxas smiled again. "Confused so far?"

"Nah. Cousins by marriage, alright." Axel nodded. His eyes were involuntarily drawn to the ashtray on the table.

"Oh. How rude of me." Roxas pushed his pack of cigarettes over the table. "You want one?"

"Nope," Axel denied and shook his head lightly. He shoved his hands under his thighs to keep himself from taking one of the white sticks. "Stopped two years ago."

"Good for you," Roxas said and nodded. "Would you walk me home?"

"What?" Talk about an abrupt change of topic. Axel shook his head again.

"Would you walk me home?" Roxas repeated calmly. "It's too hot in here. And stuffy. And all the smoke must be pure torture for you if you just stopped smoking those." He stuffed the cigarette pack into his pocket. "And I'm tired. You need more reasons?"

"Uhm… no?" Axel smiled. "And 'just stopped' is a bit exaggerated, don't you think?"

"Whatever." Roxas stood and shrugged his jacket on, throwing Axel an expectant glance. "You coming? Or do I have to wander around all alone in the dark?" A teasing smirk accompanied his words, but oddly enough Axel really felt bad when he thought about Roxas all alone out there.

Which was ridiculous, of course; Twilight Town was about the last place where anything would happen to anybody who was out late. But still…

He rose from his seat as well and grabbed his coat, following Roxas outside. The cool night air smelled fresh and clean and felt soothing on his skin.

They walked in silence for a while, and Axel caught himself stealing glances at Roxas more than once. The blond almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the street lamps. He wasn't nearly as pale as Axel himself, but his skin and hair seemed to reflect the light a hundred times better. But he kept his gaze on the ground, not once looking up to the redhead walking next to him.

Axel just wanted to reach out and tousle that spiky shock of hair to dispel the glum look etched onto Roxas' delicate features. His breath caught in his throat when a gentle breeze ruffled Roxas' golden spikes.

He would have never thought watching a person he had known for barely a week could be so fascinating…

"Do you really not mind?" Roxas suddenly asked, his voice very soft and oddly timid, just like the look on his face.

"Mind what?" Axel asked, noticing his own voice sounded oddly gentle as well.

"What Kairi said earlier," Roxas sighed, and now he dared to look at Axel, if only from the corner of his eye. "That I… like guys."

"You do?" Axel couldn't help but ask, and even in the dim light here he could see Roxas' cheeks darken.

"Well, not exclusively so," Roxas admitted, but didn't dare to look at Axel anymore.

"So, you swing both ways?" Axel inquired and smirked when Roxas just shrugged and nodded. "Fine with me. Why should I mind?"

"Many people do," Roxas replied softly. "Many guys feel strange around me."

"I want you to know two of my sisters are in a lesbian relationship," Axel explained and raised two fingers, raising a brow when Roxas stopped abruptly, his blue eyes wide. At first Axel didn't understand, but then he started to laugh. "_Relationships_! With different women! God no, they're not… they don't… they're not doing anything incestuous!"

"Sorry," Roxas cried and hid his face in his hands with a soft groan. "Sorry, I'm such an _idiot_…"

"What I wanted to say is: I don't care that you're gay… or bi, or whatever," Axel clarified, still laughing.

"Sorry," Roxas mumbled again, and again Axel had to think how adorable the blond was when he blushed. Again a part of him was scared shitless about him thinking about Roxas like that. But the bigger part of him just enjoyed watching Roxas, for whatever reason. It didn't feel wrong to watch him. He knew it should have; after everything Roxas had told him, he probably should have felt uncomfortable, like the blond had said. But he didn't, and the longer he looked at Roxas, the quieter the nagging voice in the back of his head grew.

"It's fine," Axel assured him.

"And what about you?" Roxas asked quickly, and now it was Axel's turn to stare at him wide-eyed. But Roxas didn't look at him, rather seemed to search his pockets for something, but his expression seemed determined.

"You're rather bold, aren't you?" the redhead finally muttered, following when Roxas pointed at a certain apartment complex, pulling a set of keys out of one pocket.

"That's not my most likable trait, I know," Roxas answered stiffly.

"Oh, I don't know. I think it's rather refreshing," Axel disagreed, leaning against the wall next to the door. "And I've never tried."

Why… Why had he just said that? He should have said something more like, "I'm straight, I'm not into guys at all and never will be, could we please change the topic because this is really awkward for me?"

He blinked, licked his suddenly very dry lips, tried to force his heart to stop hammering against his ribcage as if it wanted to jump out of his chest.

"What?" Roxas looked at him bewildered, the handle of the door still in his hand.

"I've never tried… well, _guys_," Axel explained oddly patient. Yes, 'What?' was the exact question his mind was screaming at him right now. And he should really clear things up… right… _now_!

"That doesn't quite sound like 'Leave me alone, fag'," Roxas said and frowned.

"Why should I say that? It's not like you're hitting on me," Axel said and smirked at the blond. Oh dear. It was like his mouth didn't belong to his body anymore. No… wait… it was more like his brain didn't belong to his body anymore, because his body indeed seemed to approve of what his traitorous mouth did.

Roxas looked down, avoiding Axel's gaze. "Or are you?" Axel added, and he was shocked how low and sultry his own voice sounded in his ears. _Damn you, mouth! Damn you, vocal chords! _

_Clear things up. Right. NOW! _

"And if I was?" the blond mumbled defiantly, and his voice suddenly sounded… hopeful. Nervous and guarded, maybe, but there was definitely a cautiously hopeful tone to it. Axel blinked surprised, then another smirk spread over his face.

"I guess I would be flattered," Axel replied shrugging. "I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to that." _What? _No, he wasn't! Well, he was when it happened to people other than him, but, but he had never before allowed a guy to hit on him! "There just hasn't been an opportunity for me to try guys yet." He smirked. "Or a guy for me to try with."

Wow. This whole situation just went so wrong. And yet…

He kept staring into Roxas' wide, azure eyes and knew he had meant every single word he had said. Well… he had never before met a man like Roxas. Maybe there really hadn't been the right guy to try for him before. Maybe he should… Maybe he _should_ try…

He knew this was the wrong way to think. He knew those had been the wrong things to say. He knew, and yet he didn't regret having said them anymore. Not even when Roxas suddenly smiled and stepped closer to him, not even when Roxas' gentle hands reached up to grasp his shoulders, not when Roxas leaned forward. He should have known this would happen, and yet he was too stunned to move, to say anything. No, he didn't regret his words. But he regretted being unable to stop what happened now.

He was frozen in place when Roxas wrapped his arms around his neck fully, and his eyes closed when the blond captured his lips in a kiss. At first it was sweet and chaste, everything a first kiss should be. Axel marveled at how soft Roxas' lips were; satiny and delicate like flower petals. And then Roxas slowly deepened the kiss, tilted his head to the side to press harder against Axel's unresponsive lips, his warm tongue darting out to get a taste of the man he was kissing, and a sudden shiver ran down Axel's spine. A small gasp escaped him, and instantly Roxas pressed harder against him, his hands playing with Axel's hair, and suddenly his tongue was inside Axel's mouth and…

… it felt so _good_! There was nothing chaste about this kiss anymore. The way Roxas' lips moved on Axel's and their tongues slid against each other and soft moans escaped both of them every now and then was intoxicating, and Axel was shocked to find himself responding, and not only by kissing back fiercely. He felt Roxas smirk against his lips for a second when Axel finally decided to rest his trembling hands on the smaller man's hips. Axel could taste alcohol and cigarettes and something else, something _addicting_, and suddenly it was him who was kissing Roxas, not the other way around. Roxas didn't fight, but generously granted Axel's probing tongue access to his sweet and spicy tasting mouth, one of his hands slowly sliding down, over Axel's shoulder, his chest, his abdomen…

Axel gasped loudly and broke their kiss when two slender fingers hooked in the waistband of his pants, barely grazing the skin underneath.

"Do you want to try now?" Roxas' breathy voice reached his ears, and Axel shuddered again, feeling Roxas taking his earlobe between his soft lips. This was too much, too fast, too… _Oh_, too _good_…

He was still too dazed to answer, but somehow he managed to open his eyes and stare at Roxas. The blond's cheeks were flushed, and he was panting, his eyes were darkened by lust. His whole appearance screamed at Axel to take him right then and there…

"Do you want to come in?" Roxas asked and smiled seductively, slowly reaching out to open the door. He had to lean against Axel again to do that, the hand still holding onto Axel's jeans trapped between their bodies. Roxas pecked Axel's suddenly very sensitive lips again. "Watch a movie? Have a drink? _Have me_?"

Axel's breath caught in his throat at the blond's last words, and he quickly grabbed Roxas' hand and ripped it away from his body, shoving the smaller man back with the other hand.

Too much. Too fast. This was _wrong_. He was _straight_. He didn't feel for Roxas like _that_.

"No," he hissed, letting go of Roxas quickly, as if he had been burnt. He only caught a glimpse of wide, surprised blue eyes before he squeezed past the blond, running away as fast as he could.

* * *

It didn't take long to get back to his own apartment, but he had troubles getting the key into the lock and opening the door because his hands were still trembling badly. Inside his apartment he didn't dare to turn the lights on, afraid of seeing his own reflection in one of the mirrors, afraid to see how flushed his face, how hazy his eyes would be. He hastily stepped out of his boots and shrugged his coat off his shoulders, leaving it on the floor as he made his way to the bedroom in the dark. One after another his clothes came off, until he fell onto his bed butt naked. And _damn_, even the cool silken sheets felt uncomfortable on his flushed skin…

His traitorous mind kept repeating the whole scene over and over and over again, filled his senses with the memory of previously experienced impressions. He could hear Roxas' voice whispering in his ear, he could smell the subtle scent of his blonde hair, he could see the lustful look in cerulean eyes, and he could still taste Roxas on his lips… He kept licking his lips, trying to get rid of that addictive taste, but the sensation only intensified. And he could feel, feel, _feel_…

Axel groaned, curling up on his cold bed and regretting the movement instantly when it only intensified the throbbing feeling between his legs. As hard as he tried to ignore it, he was turned on by thinking about a guy, a guy he had known for only a few days none the less…

He hissed through gritted teeth as his fingers wrapped around his erection, his free hand fisting in the sheets. He could still feel Roxas' lips moving on his own, could feel Roxas' tongue sliding against his own, could feel Roxas' hands brushing over his skin, Roxas' body pressed against his, Roxas, _Roxas_…

"God dammit," he hissed into the dark and let go of himself, shoving both hands under his pillow. He refused to do this. He would not jerk off to the memory of that kiss. He would not get off on thinking about a man, regardless how gorgeous that man was.

It took him hours of restless turning and tossing around before he fell asleep. But at least his sleep wasn't disturbed by dreams; only blissful darkness engulfed him wholly.

* * *

**Quick Note: **... Such a _tease_!

Both of them!

Ah, yes. Well, there are two wonderful persons I'd like to thank here - my lovely, lovely beta-readers.

**Kuraieshi**, whom most of you probably know as **Memorialfire** over at DeviantArt, and who's been my muse and beta for the last 1 1/2 years. A wonderful friend, who didn't give up on me when I vanished for half a year, and an _amazing _artist. No, really, her artwork is _stunning_. And if you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you take a look at it. NOW! Thank you so much, my dear, I love you!

**kurosora1984**, whom I only recently managed to talk into being my second beta. XD She and all her fangirling over my stories are probably the main reasons I grew confident enough about my own writing again to post stuff after my six-months-break. And to add to that, she's one of the most talented writers on FFnet, IMHO (GO READ HER STUFFS). I feel honored that she's betaing for me now, and very, very unworthy of her adoration. Thank you too, sweetheart!

Without those two wonderful young women I wouldn't be able to write. Seriously.

Other than that, I'd also like to thank everyone who's reviewed, alerted or faved this story. Thank you very much. :bows:

And if you're a fan of Perfect Match too - watch out for an update there in a few days. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Three-year-old Reno. :shrugs: Nuff said.

**Disclaimer:** Believe me, I'd tell you if I owned SquareEnix and Disney. :eyeroll: I probably would _never _stop bragging about it.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

**

* * *

**_It took him hours of restless turning and tossing around before he fell asleep. But at least his sleep wasn't disturbed by dreams; only blissful darkness engulfed him wholly._

**

* * *

Family Bonds – Chapter 3**

Axel didn't feel refreshed at all when he woke up the next morning. Even worse, he didn't wake up out of his own volition, but to the… door bell ringing? Who the heck rang at his door at – he squinted at the alarm clock on his night stand and cursed – _half past seven_ in the _morning_? Was that some kind of sick joke?

He wanted to ignore the persistent person at his door, but they didn't seem to intend to _ever_ give up. He tried to stuff his head under his pillow, but gave up when he ran out of air. Swearing under his breath, he rolled out of bed and grabbed random pajama bottoms lying on the ground, slipping them on without bothering about underwear. He would have to take a shower later anyway.

"I'm coming, stop it already!" he yelled at the door, rolling his eyes when the annoying person rang again. "Fuck, leave the bell alone, you idiot!"

He groggily strolled through the living room, absently picking up his clothes and throwing them into the bathroom as he passed it in the hallway. Then he opened the door.

"Axey," a high-pitched, over-enthusiastic voice instantly greeted him, and something attached itself to his left leg. Axel quickly grabbed his pants to keep them from coming off as small hands pulled at the cottony fabric. He blinked down at a small face, surrounded by a shock of hair as red as his own. Big blue eyes and an impossibly wide smile were directed at him as the small boy beamed up to him.

Axel looked up slowly, glaring at the other person standing in his hallway. A middle-aged man with reddish-brown hair and brown eyes nodded at him in greeting, seeming awfully out of place in the simple apartment complex Axel was living in. He was wearing an expensive suit, a small briefcase made out of leather in one hand and a small, colorful duffle bag in the other. He looked at his watch.

"Sebastian?" Axel growled, trying his best not to start screaming in front of the small child still clinging to him. Sebastian Kani; former employee of Axel's father, good friend of the family, now manager of one of the newest singer sensations from Atlantica: gorgeous, wonderful, talented Ariel _herself_.

"Good morning, Axel," Sebastian greeted him, again taking a nervous look at his watch. "I hope I didn't wake you?"

"Geez, what gives you that idea?" Axel grunted irritated, again pulling at his pajama pants. "Reno, could you let go of me?"

The red-headed boy pouted, but nodded sadly and stepped back, looking down and shuffling his feet. Axel sighed and petted the boy's head gently, causing the smaller redhead to giggle.

"Look, I know this comes quite on short notice," Sebastian said, for the first time directly looking at Axel. "But could you take Reno for today? I'm sure you heard about…"

"What makes you think I _care_ about _anything_ she does?" Axel asked coldly. Sebastian sighed.

"I just don't have the time to look after him, there's still so much to organize," the manager explained annoyed. "It would only be for a day. Ariel would get him tomorrow morning. What do you say?"

"What do I say?" Axel spat hatefully, biting his lip when Reno looked up to him wide-eyed, jutting out a trembling lower lip. "I say _how in God's name did you get my address_?" he hissed, narrowing his eyes at the older man.

"Reno gave it to me," Sebastian explained coolly, and Axel threw the smaller redhead a surprised look. Reno looked down again, his lip trembling even more than before.

"I'm sowwee," the child sniffed and wiped his nose. "But… But I didn't wanna stay with my new daddy. He dun like me…" He looked up to Axel with tears in his big blue eyes. "He says I'm a… a… nu-… nusi-… nui-…"

"It's okay," Axel mumbled. What a jerk. A nuisance? Reno? Granted, the boy was a bit strenuous sometimes, but way too cute to be called a nuisance.

"I dunno what that means, but he's angwy when he says it," the child explained sadly, small hands playing with his green shirt. "And Nanny Ursula is cweepy. I dun like her. I wanna stay wiv you."

"He gave me the address so I could bring him here," Sebastian added. "We were surprised he had it, to tell the truth; not even your father has your address after all. But Ariel thought it was a fabulous idea to bring Reno here."

"I bet," Axel replied dryly.

"Aw you mad at me?" Reno piped up meekly, his small voice trembling slightly. "I'm sowwee…"

"I'm not mad at you, Reno," Axel calmed the boy down and nodded at his apartment. "Here, come in."

"Thank you," Sebastian exclaimed as the boy rushed past Axel, but he didn't really sound thankful. He sounded as if he had expected Axel to give in anyway. Axel calmly took the duffel bag from him. "It's really important for us to place him somewhere safe as long as we all are busy with preparations for…"

Axel slammed the door in his face, cutting off the older man's speech. He wasn't interested in explanations as to why the boy's mother couldn't have him around once again. He had heard them so often already. He was _sick_ of it.

He turned around, putting the duffel bag down and leaning against the door as he watched the small redhead sitting on the step in the hallway, who was pulling at the laces of his bright red shoes. The black jacket was already discarded and formed a heap next to the toddler. The three-year-old was still a bit short for his age, and pretty thin, Axel noted. Probably because of his mother's 'healthy food'-fetish. But at least the boy was dressed nicely, and it seemed like his mother had allowed him to let his hair grow. It was just long enough to tie it up behind his neck. The goggles Axel had bought him during a shopping trip they had done half a year ago rested on his tousled red hair. Axel knew the boy almost never took them off.

He sat down in front of the toddler who still struggled with the laces.

"Here, let me help you, Squirt," he said and outstretched a hand, but pulled back when Reno cried out and slapped his hand away.

"No, I can do that myself," the boy cried and pulled at his shoes. They finally came off, and Reno jumped from the step, grinning proudly. "See?"

"Awesome," Axel laughed and spread his arms. "Come here, Squirt."

Reno laughed loudly and jumped into his arms, hugging him as tight as he could. Axel smiled and placed a small kiss on Reno's cheek, which was followed by a loud 'EWWWWW!' by the small boy. Reno wiped his cheek furiously, but almost doubled over when Axel tickled him instead. Both redheads laughed and struggled for some time, then Axel picked the boy up and stood, walking over to the living room with a giggling, struggling bundle in his arms.

"Lemme down, lemme down, lemme down," Reno squeaked and shrieked loudly when Axel flopped down on the couch. Axel let go of him, and Reno climbed off the couch, running through the room and examining everything closely. Axel watched him, a happy smile grazing his lips.

"Wow," Reno exclaimed and looked around awestruck, then went down to all fours and crawled under the coffee table, looking up to Axel from there. "It's so great!"

"Thanks," Axel replied and chuckled when Reno crawled forward and once again hugged his leg. "You still remember the rules, don't you?"

Reno nodded quickly, raising a hand and scrunching up his little face. "No running," he started and raised a finger. "No bweaking stuff. No touchey the TV. No touchey Axey's pictures. No touchey paint. Paint is bad. And it tastes funny." He grimaced a little. "No… no…" He stared at his small hand, then looked up to Axel helplessly. "Aw, I fowgot!"

"No correcting Axel's pictures," Axel helped him out and chuckled when Reno pouted adorably.

"But it was so pwetty with the chocobos!" the boy protested, and Axel reached down to tousle his hair a little.

"Of course, but I wasn't allowed to use chocobo stickers on my painting, you know?" he teased and laughed again when Reno bit his hand playfully. "Hey, cut it out, Squirt!"

"Can I have ice cweam?" Reno pleaded, giving Axel an unbearably cute, pleading look. "Pwease? Pwetty pwease?"

"Maybe later," Axel denied and picked the boy up again. "Did you have breakfast already?"

"Yo, but I didn't want it," Reno explained, throwing his arms around Axel's neck. "It was gween and stwange and gooey and bleh! Ew!"

"How about hot cocoa for you, hot coffee for me, and peanut butter sandwiches for both of us?" Axel suggested and chuckled when he was hugged by the smaller redhead fiercely.

"I wuv you, Axey!" Reno cried enthusiastically, starting to fidget and struggle against Axel's tight hold on him while still hugging the older redhead at the same time. "I missed you soooooooooo much!"

"I missed you too, Shorty," Axel replied fondly, then put Reno on the floor again, taking the boy's hand. "Now, don't you want to tell me what happened lately?"

* * *

It turned out the little boy had a lot to tell Axel about. Axel learned Reno had been to three different day cares last month, but that his mother had insisted they tried others as well, even though Reno had made friends with a bunch of kids in the last one. He learned Reno's 'new daddy' was a jerk. Axel hadn't had the pleasure to meet that guy yet, but he made a mental note to give him a black eye the very first time he saw him for treating Reno like shit. Reno's mom was constantly out and left the kid either with a nanny, her new lover, or Sebastian, all three of which Reno didn't seem to like very much.

When he saw how sad Reno looked as he talked about his mom, Axel changed the topic and made Reno talk about a new game he had gotten for his birthday.

He watched Reno closely while the boy chattered on cheerily, smiling and nodding at the right parts of his stories. The boy really was adorable. How he could stay so cheerful and sweet while living with those… 'parents', Axel would never know. Reno even attempted to help him clean the kitchen, of course promptly breaking a cup. Axel calmed him down when the boy started to cry over it, talking to him calmly and hugging the child until the tears were gone.

After he had taken a quick shower while Reno watched TV, Axel joined the boy in the living room. Reno continued to talk, his high, childish voice filling the apartment with laughter. The whole day was spent playing and drawing, and not once did Reno shut up. And for once Axel didn't mind. He could never get tired of hearing Reno laugh.

Reno even talked while they were eating lunch, and while Axel gave him a bubble bath to get rid of the paint Reno had all over his hands and face after the painting they did together after lunch. The boy still chattered happily when Axel helped him change into his chocobo pajamas, and even when Axel tucked him into his bed, a strange cactuar plushie tucked safely under the boy's arm.

"And, and, Mommy says they have all that _good_ food I have to eat at home in the new day care place, but I dun wanna eat it. I dun think it's good. It tastes all funny and I neva get chocolate anymore, because Eric says it's not, not _healthy_." Reno crossed his arms and pouted, but then shot up again and threw his short arms around Axel's waist.

"What's with the hug?" Axel asked and tousled Reno's fire red hair, gently pulling the goggles from the boy's head and laying them aside.

"I wanna be like you when I'm grown up, Axey," Reno shouted excitedly, struggling out of the blanket and sitting on Axel's lap. "Can I be like you? I wanna have a cool home, and I wanna make pwetty pictures and Mommy can't tell me what I have to do, and…"

"Well, you'd have to grow up first," Axel laughed. "But you'd have to sleep for that."

"I'm not tired," Reno protested and pouted again.

"You almost fell asleep on me in the bath, and you didn't even stop talking," Axel replied and picked Reno up to lie him down again. Reno tried to struggle free again, but stopped when Axel frowned.

"Okaaaaaaaay," Reno agreed and sighed. But then he grabbed Axel's arm again, mimicking the older redhead's serious expression. "But you have to stay!"

"I'm a grown-up, I don't have to sleep yet," Axel countered and tried to pry Reno's small hands from his arm. "And you get the bed. I'm sleeping on the couch."

"No, you stay here!" Reno screamed and pulled at Axel's arm. "I can't sleep alone! Mommy always sings for me so I can sleep! The Hawtless only go away when she sings, you know that!"

Axel would never know who told the boy about those 'Heartless'-things that only came out at night and tried to steal children's hearts. But someone had told Reno about them, and now the toddler had even more reasons to have nightmares…

"Yeah, but I can't sing, and you know that!" Axel replied as calmly as possible. Inwardly he died of laughter at the boy's cute attempts to glare at him.

"Then you have to stay wiv me!" Reno simply declared. "They don't come out when there's a grown-up in the room."

Axel couldn't win. Nothing could defeat a child's logic, and Reno was pretty stubborn, to add to that. So he sighed and nodded, getting another blanket from his storage and lying down next to Reno, who almost immediately fell asleep as soon as he had huddled up against Axel. Of course the boy had to be tired…

Axel stayed awake for hours, just watching the small redhead in his arms sleep. Reno was breathing softly, not once moving or uttering a sound in his sleep.

He would never understand why the boy's mother couldn't love the child like he deserved. Of course it had been hard on her – getting pregnant at age sixteen, the father leaving her and the child soon after Reno had been born, the fight she and her father had had about how irresponsible she had been… her mother dying without once seeing her grandson. Yes, of course it had been hard, but it wasn't like no one had been there for her.

Of course Triton had provided her with all the money she had needed to raise the child, had let her live in his house even though it had been her who had left her home with one of her lovers. Her older sisters had given her all the stuff their own children had grown out of, had taken the boy in when she had needed time and had given her tips. Axel himself had played babysitter for her more often than he could count, partly because he had wanted the boy to have at least one male person he could relate to. Mommy's frequently changing lovers weren't able to provide the stability a child needed. Sometimes Axel thought he was the closest thing the boy had that resembled a father figure. And when he thought that he felt terrible for leaving Atlantica…

He had promised Reno to visit as often as possible, and he had given the boy his new address, and still he felt horrible. He had not done enough. And the longer he watched the boy sleep, the stronger the feeling he had betrayed Reno got.

* * *

The feeling didn't leave when he woke up the next morning, nor while he collected Reno's stuff in the living room; not when he woke up Reno and the small boy immediately smiled at him, not even when Reno sleepily assured him he loved him once more.

And yet he whispered, "I love you too, Squirt," and gently kissed Reno's forehead when he picked the toddler up.

"Can I stay here, Axey?" Reno asked and snuggled up to the man holding him, looking up to him with wide blue eyes.

"Your mom is going to pick you up soon," Axel muttered and smiled while carrying him into his kitchen.

"But she won't have time for me," Reno cried and pouted, grabbing the collar of Axel's faded black shirt. "She will talk all about her show with that stupid Eric daddy guy, and then they will make me go to the park with Nanny Ursula…"

"I know," Axel sighed and ruffled Reno's bright red hair before sitting him down at the table in the small and relatively clean kitchen. "But she's your mom, and she knows what's best for…"

"No she doesn't," Reno suddenly screamed, tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanna stay here!" He started to cry, his tiny fists banging against the table as he let out loud wails and sobs and shrieks.

"Reno," Axel said as calmly as possible, kneeling next to Reno's chair and reaching out to the boy, pulling back when Reno started to hit him. "Reno, stop it," he demanded a bit louder, quickly catching the boy's thin wrists and holding them, frowning when Reno tried to struggle against his hold weakly.

"Why did you go away?" Reno screamed shrilly, tears running down his face as he glared at Axel furiously. "You said you wouldn't go away! You _lied_!"

"Reno…" Axel sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily, letting go of one of Reno's hands, only flinching slightly when a tiny fist started to hit his shoulder. "Reno, we talked about it. Reno, stop hitting me!"

Reno stopped, but tears still clung to his lashes and his lower lip started to tremble before he slumped down and continued to sob.

"I'm sorry," Axel said and spread his arms. "Come here, Squirt."

Reno sniffed, but slowly slid from his seat to stand in front of Axel, never looking at the older redhead. Axel embraced him slowly, rubbing his back when he felt the boy sob silently again. Reno threw his thin arms around Axel's neck, burying his face in Axel's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Reno," Axel repeated quietly, petting Reno's bright red hair. "You know I didn't want to leave you. You were the only reason I stayed in Atlantica so long… No, don't cry." He softly kissed Reno's temple, running a hand through his hair again in a soothing manner. "You don't have to be sad…"

"But I'll neva see you anymore…" Reno sniffled meekly. "Can't you come back? I miss you…"

"I miss you too…" Axel said and tried to ignore the tears burning in his own eyes. He hugged Reno tighter. "I know you don't understand it, but I can't. And your mom wouldn't want me there anyway…"

"But she said it would be gweat if I could stay here over the weekend," Reno protested.

"But she doesn't want me around you all the time," Axel explained. He could still remember the fight he and his sister had had over the boy. He was glad Reno didn't know about it. Nasty things had been said during that fight.

"But _I_ want you awound all the time!" Reno stated, leaning back a bit to stare Axel straight in the eyes. "Nobody can play like you." His big blue eyes were reddened and puffy, but at least Axel could see no more tears in them. Reno sniffled again and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Axel absently pulled his hand away and reached up to fumble for a box of tissues standing on the counter he was leaning against, still sitting on the floor. He wiped the snot from Reno's hand and let the boy blow his nose.

"You can visit me whenever your mother allows it," he said quietly, combing back Reno's disheveled hair with his hands and retying the boy's ponytail properly. "And you still have my number, right? You can call me anytime you want. And if you can't reach me right away I'll call back as soon as possible, I promise." He grabbed Reno's shoulders and looked at the boy sternly. "You are the only one who has my number, okay? I only gave it to you, because you are special. Do you understand that?"

"So you still like me?" Reno asked sheepishly, and Axel quickly pulled him back in an even fiercer embrace than before.

"Of course I still like you, Reno," he whispered. "I didn't leave because of you, never _ever_ think that. Nothing could ever make me not like you, okay?"

"Okay…" Reno sighed unhappily. "But I'll miss you." He sniffed again, his eyes once more glistening wetly. "I wuv you, Uncle Axel," he muttered.

"I know," Axel replied gently. "I love you too, Reno. Just call me when you miss me too much. Or tell Sebastian or Ursula to bring you here. And don't be sad." He smiled and pinched Reno's cheek lightly, making the small boy giggle. "That's it. I like it better when you smile."

Reno rubbed his cheek, still giggling softly, and obediently followed Axel to the bathroom. He completely seemed to have forgotten about the whole scene by the time they had finished their morning routine and had changed. By then the toddler was already chatting cheerfully again. And just when Axel wanted to prepare breakfast, the door bell rang.

Reno instantly shut up, and Axel frowned. The boy was still smiling, but it didn't seem as cheerful as before anymore.

"Is that Mommy?" Reno asked surprisingly calm.

"I think so," Axel replied. Reno just nodded and slid from his seat, running to the living room. Axel followed him and watched the boy try to pick up his duffel bag. Reno dragged the bag across the room to the hall, where he sat on the step and reached for his shoes.

"Should I help you?" Axel asked while grabbing the tiny black jacket on the rack and sitting across from Reno, watching as Reno slipped his shoes on all alone. Then Reno stretched out his feet.

"Axey, I can't tie the laces alone," he wailed and started to dangle his legs while Axel helped him into his jacket.

"If you want me to help you, you have to sit still, Squirt," Axel said and grabbed Reno's feet. Reno grinned and did as he was told. He watched intently as Axel tied his shoes, then hopped from the step and tried to grab his duffel bag again. The door bell rang once more.

"Just a second, dammit!" Axel growled, then he picked Reno up and hugged him again. Reno giggled when Axel nuzzled his cheek with his nose, and batted at Axel's long hair.

"That tickles!" Reno shrieked cheerfully, squeaking and holding tight onto Axel when the older redhead bent down to pick up the duffel bag. Then Axel opened the door, and automatically his expression grew cold and distant. He couldn't help it. It was an automatic reaction to seeing the person standing outside his door.

There were two persons, to be exact. He didn't know the raven-haired guy; he had to be the 'Eric-Daddy-Guy' Reno had talked about. He was tall and dark and handsome, and Axel immediately disliked him and his faked-seeming smile. But he knew the woman, even though he could barely see her face. She was wearing ridiculously huge sunglasses, and her hair was hidden under the hood of her jacket. She was glancing from side to side nervously, but quickly beamed at Axel and Reno when she noticed them.

"There you are, Sweetie," she cooed and quickly took Reno from Axel's grasp, hugging the boy fiercely. She seemed sincerely happy to see the child.

"Hello Mommy," Reno greeted her, though way less enthusiastic than he had greeted Axel the day before. But when the woman presented him her cheek, he smacked a loud kiss onto her pale skin, snuggling up to her smiling.

"Have you been a good boy, Reno?" she asked and smiled again when the boy nodded vigorously. "Did you have fun with Uncle Axel?"

"Yo," Reno answered beaming. "He played wiv me aaaaaaaaaaall day!"

"Don't say 'yo', Reno," the raven-haired guy chastised the boy. Axel glared at him, but held himself back. This guy had called Reno a nuisance. This guy dared to talk to the boy like he was his father, even though he was no more than one of the boy's mom's lovers. This guy deserved to be beaten to bloody pulp, but Axel had to hold back as long as Reno was nearby…

"Yo," Reno repeated defiantly and pouted, holding tighter onto his mother.

"Eric!" the woman said and shook her head, frowning at the man. But then she smiled at Reno again. "That sounds nice, Sweetie." She looked at Axel now, and even though she wore those sunglasses to hide her face Axel could see she was nervous. "Axel, how are you? Thank you so much for keeping an eye on Reno for me, it really means a lot to…"

"Bye, Reno," Axel interrupted her and smiled at the boy. He noticed the crestfallen look on the woman's face but simply ignored it. He waved and grinned when Reno waved back. "See you, Squirt."

"Bye-bye, Axey," Reno cried happily.

"Axel, I…" the woman tried again, but Axel simply shut the door on her. He could hear the guy say something behind the closed door, then a tentative knock. He didn't react to it, just leaned against the closed door and stared up to the ceiling, listening to muffled voices. A small smile stretched his thin lips when he heard a thin, childish voice declare they wanted breakfast. Finally he could hear footsteps departing.

He trotted back to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, then walked back to the living room and fell down onto the couch, staring straight ahead. He didn't dare to actually think about what had happened; that his sister had once more taken advantage of him and had dumped Reno on him without asking, as if the boy was a pet someone had to look after as long as its owner was out of town. That Reno felt so uncomfortable around her new lover he had given away Axel's secret new address. That she didn't even seem to notice how unhappy her changing lovers made the boy. If he thought about those things, he was sure his head would explode.

He swirled the dark liquid in his cup, then cautiously placed it on the coffee table. He slowly rose from the couch and walked over to the secluded little area where he had stored all his stuff for painting. Unlike the last time he had painted, he took his time choosing the right materials. He grabbed three different brushes and placed them in a glass next to the easel, then chose the brightest colors he could find in his assortment of acrylic paint. He took his time arranging the tubes next to the brushes where he could reach them easily. Then he just stared at the empty canvas for what seemed like an eternity.

He started with red, pink and blue. At first he didn't even mean to create anything recognizable, but with every streak of the brush he added, the forms changed into human-seeming figures. Too bright, too colorful and still somewhat abstract, faceless, but they were there. He changed the colors, squirted some more paint onto his palette, added more defined lines to the painting. His movements were slow and deliberate this time, and he often stopped to look at the painting, added more details, until his eyes started to water. And yet he didn't stop. It all flowed out of his arm, his anger and frustration was banned on canvas by the slow movements of his arm. But he didn't feel better. It was too much color, it was too bright. It didn't feel right. Even when he knew it was finished, it _still_ didn't feel right. It hurt his eyes just to look at it.

The painting seemed like a drug-induced hallucination. Fairies were dancing around human silhouettes, surrounded by a bright, dazzling flower field. Two of them, a male and a female one, seemed to be flirting, the woman's red hair full of those strange fairy creatures and fluttering in the wind. On this side of the picture they seemed friendly. They were brightly orange colored. And then there was a third human form; smaller than the others, a child, curled up near the edge of the picture. The fairies were flocking around it, but they didn't seem friendly. They were glaring yellow, and they seemed like intruders in the child's part of the painting.

Axel stared at it for a long time, sitting on the floor in front of it for a while. He was still angry. The feeling was dulled, barely more than a whispering voice in the back of his mind, but the longer he stared at the painting, the louder the voice got. He didn't know why it hadn't worked this time. Painting always worked… But now he couldn't stop thinking…

The sky was already darkening outside when he stood again and opened the window. He grabbed the still slightly damp painting… and unceremoniously threw it out of the window, not even watching as it landed on the pavement below. He went to clean up his drawing area instead, and then, without bothering to clean up himself, left the apartment after grabbing his keys and some money. He hadn't eaten all day; he would just get himself a pizza or something.

He ignored an old lady screeching at him to watch out when he stepped on the painting on his way down the street. He also tried to ignore the nagging voices in his head, but found himself unable to. They continued to bug him until he went to sleep hours later, and for the first time in years he cried himself to sleep. He didn't even know why he cried, and yet the tears didn't stop flowing until blissful darkness engulfed his thoughts.

* * *

**Quick Note: **Uh. Really dunno what to say. Other than a big, fat thank you to my lovelylovely betas (who always have to suffer the full extent of my moooodiness), reviewers, and fanartists. You guys are amazing!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** If you're easily offended by guys flirting and kissing each other and such, this would be the right time to turn around, never to return. Oh, wait. The last chapter would have been the right one to do that, actually. And since you're still here and reading, I guess you don't mind.

**Disclaimer:** Don't I _wish _I owned them all. I mean, Disney makes an awful lot of money outta them... and the games are pretty old already. But well. Nope. I don't own the characters. I don't make money out of this. And I will never make money out of anything I write, simply because I will never ever actually _publish _something. That thought is just _ridiculous_.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_He didn't even know why he cried, and yet the tears didn't stop flowing until blissful darkness engulfed his thoughts._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 4**

Surprisingly enough, Axel was able to drag himself to college the next morning. He even followed the lesson about Greek Architecture quite well; he had been to Olympus Coliseum twice, so he could picture what the young professor told them about easily.

When he first heard someone talk about Ariel's concert last weekend he simply ignored them. He started to scribble in his notebook instead, quickly sketching something that vaguely reminded him of one of the fairies in his painting. Next to the sketch soon followed a poem… or rather, a stream of angry words that didn't make any sense. At least not now, and not to him. And yet he continued to add more words; it was as if his hand was moving on its own, and not out of his will. And the longer he listened to those people talking about Ariel, the longer the poem became, and the more detailed the drawing next to it became, until the fairy acquired a face. A horrible, deformed smile under demon-like black eyes.

He forgot about it as soon as he put the notebook away. He didn't have any problems at work; no, he felt relaxed like he hadn't done in weeks it seemed. He was polite and charming, until even his boss noticed his unusual behavior. Axel just shrugged it off.

He only remembered the poem when he pulled out his notebook later in the café. He stared at the demonic fairy, absently ordering a coffee when Kairi approached his table.

"Looks scary," she said, looking over his shoulder. "I never liked fairies." Axel nodded, crossed one word out and scribbled another one next to it.

Well, now the whole thing made even less sense. And his eyes started to sting. He glanced around, then sighed deeply, pulling his glasses from a pocket.

"You know, you look pretty smart with those," Kairi giggled, but quickly shook her head when Axel glared at her over the rim of his glasses. "Not to mention cute." She flicked her hair back over her shoulder, and then it was her turn to glare at Axel. Axel blinked at the sudden change in her expression. "But speaking of cute… What did you do to Roxas?"

"I don't know what you mean," Axel growled, shoving his glasses up his nose and tapping his pencil against the notebook.

"Why was my favorite little blond even sulkier than usual the whole weekend?" Kairi raised a finger threateningly. "I know he was with you Friday evening."

"Oh, you mean Friday, when he tried to rape me at his doorstep?" Axel asked coldly, slamming the notebook shut. Then he glared up at Kairi, who stared at him wide-eyed… and noticed the waitress' favorite blond right behind her, whose blue eyes were just as wide and whose cheeks darkened rather quickly.

_Oh, God dammit! _he groaned inwardly, gritting his teeth in frustration. Damn his short temper and his loose mouth, and damn Kairi for bothering him _today_ of all days, and damn that blond brat over there for trying to make a dramatic exit by fleeing the café with tears in his big blue eyes…

"Roxas!" he roared, causing quite a few guests to jump and turn around. "Stop. Right. _There_!"

And Roxas did; he froze, nervously glancing around and blushing even more deeply than before when he realized almost every occupant of the room was staring at him. His hand slowly slid from the handle of the door, and he quickly averted his eyes to stare at the floor.

"Come back here," Axel hissed, and then he ripped his glasses from his face to glare at the other guests. "And _you_! Mind your own business!" Most of the heads whipped around again, avoiding his angry stare, but some still stared at him dumbfounded. They quickly looked away as well when he spat an angry "Stop _staring_, you morons!" at them.

The whole room was silent when Roxas trotted back to Axel's table, still staring at the ground in front of him. The smaller man gasped, surprised, when Axel grabbed his shoulder and forced him down onto one of the seats, almost toppling over his chair when he violently flinched away from Axel's rough touch. He was ghastly pale when he finally looked up to Axel, who turned to glare at Kairi instead. The red-headed waitress instinctively stepped back when she met his furious gaze.

"Hot chocolate for him, another coffee for me, and this time _he_ is paying," he snarled, pointing at Roxas, who cringed at the sound of his voice again. Kairi ran away without a word, and Axel flopped down onto his own chair, putting his glasses back on as if nothing had happened. He ignored Roxas, who still glanced at him fearfully every now and then. Instead he picked up his notebook again. Only when Kairi placed his ordered coffee in front of him, he smiled up at her. She blinked and returned the smile confused, exchanging a look with Roxas, who seemed to feel quite cold. At least he kept rubbing his arms, and his hands were trembling…

"Are you cold?" Axel asked, frowning when Roxas jumped and stared at him again. For a moment Roxas seemed unable to answer, then he shook his head fiercely. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out; blushing profusely he looked away again, snapping his mouth shut. Axel thought he could see his eyes glistening wetly, but Roxas was quick to move his head so his hair covered his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked, a bit worried, raising his brows when Roxas suddenly looked up, obviously unable to decide whether to be confused, scared, or angry at Axel. He frowned darkly, then folded his arms on the table and stared down at the tabletop.

"Why do _you_ care?" he muttered, absently reaching up to play with his earrings. Axel had watched him do that a few times already. It seemed to be a nervous habit.

"Aren't we charming today?" Axel replied, acting miffed, and picked up his notebook again. But he looked at Roxas over the rim of his glasses when the blond looked up so quickly his blond spikes bobbed around his head.

"Aren't we bipolar today?" Roxas hissed, glaring at Axel acidly. "Stop that!"

"Stop what?" Red eyebrows were raised again, and Axel was glad the notebook he still held was covering his amused smirk. Roxas was so much more entertaining when he lost his composure. The little guy could be quite feisty…

"You… But… What…" Roxas spluttered, then he slammed both hands flat onto the dark surface of the table. The coffee mugs on it rattled loudly, and again people threw glances in their direction. Some even grabbed their stuff and fled the café, but most of them stayed. And tried to eavesdrop on them, Axel mused.

"Go on, yell at me! That's what you called me back for, isn't it?" Roxas yelled angrily. "Get over with it already! You are mad at me because I tried to…" He suddenly fell silent and paled visibly, obviously realizing only now that they weren't alone. He cleared his throat and looked away again. When he spoke up again, his voice was quiet, so quiet even Axel had a hard time catching what he said.

"I… I came here to apologize," Roxas whispered meekly, fidgeting with his hands. "I shouldn't have tried to…" He looked up again, and Axel almost had to look away, seeing the overwhelming sadness in those clear, blue eyes. "Was it really that bad? Did you really have the feeling I tried to… _rape_ you at my doorstep? I thought… I thought you enjoyed it…"

Axel didn't reply to that, but he lowered the notebook and took his glasses off, and he turned around to look at Roxas properly. He watched the blond closely, absently chewing on the sidepiece of his glasses.

"I guess you didn't," Roxas muttered after a while, hanging his head dejectedly. "I'm very sorry. That's all I wanted to say. I won't bother you any further…" And he got ready to rise from his seat and walk away… but a gentle hand grasped his arm and prevented him from doing so. Roxas glanced down at Axel's hand, surprised, then dared to look at the redhead shyly. A slight blush darkened his cheeks again, and Axel smiled.

"Drink your chocolate, kid," he said, grinning wider when Roxas frowned. "I'm not mad anymore." He pulled back and put his glasses back on, inspecting the grinning fairy on the open page again. "You just surprised me, and I had a shitty weekend, that's all. And the shitty part of that weekend didn't have to do with you at all. I didn't mean to take it out on you before."

For a moment Roxas didn't seem to know how to reply, then a small smile briefly lit up his features before he grabbed his mug and took a sip from the hot chocolate. They both stayed silent for a while, then Roxas surprised Axel by ripping the notebook from his hands. He studied the drawing, then the poem next to it, and he shook his head confused.

"That doesn't make any sense," he declared and also took the pencil from Axel's hand. Axel could only stare at him astounded. "And if you wanted to make that thing next to it scary…" He leaned back and started to… do something. Axel believed the blond was drawing, and he seemed to erase something with the small rubber attached to the pencil, but…

"Here," Roxas announced and turned the notebook around, and Axel flinched back involuntarily. The fairy… was different. It didn't have pinned-up hair, like Axel had drawn it with, but long, flowing tresses down to its waist. One hand, which had seemed to be greeting the viewer before, was now turned so it hid the demonic smile partly from view. Black eyes weren't purely black anymore, but sported a sparkle that seemed playful and malicious at the same time. Butterfly wings were streaked with lines that looked like thin… veins?

But the most amazing thing was… Axel couldn't see any difference to his own style in Roxas' additions. The parts where he had erased something were barely distinguishable. The width of the pencil lines was the same, the shading was done the same way Axel always did it; most of the shadings ran from top left to bottom right, which was unusual for right-handers; medium to very little pressure to shade different hues of gray.

"You are _good_," he exclaimed, astonished, taking the notebook from Roxas and examining it closer. Yes, up close he could see where Roxas had changed something, but from afar it looked as if it had never been changed at all.

"Of course I am," Roxas replied smugly, twirling the pencil between his fingers. "But the stuff you wrote still makes no sense at all."

"I know," Axel answered and smiled distractedly, still staring at the drawing. "Doesn't matter."

"Does this have to do with your shitty weekend?" Roxas asked gently and smiled when Axel threw him a cool glance. "I sometimes draw the strangest things myself when I'm angry about something."

"Is that so?" Axel replied, smiling as well. "I thought you only studied Art History? Didn't know you were an artist as well…"

"I have a few artistic classes as well, but I don't know yet if I'm good enough to actually be an artist later," Roxas answered and shrugged. "I want at least be able to work at a gallery or a museum if I'm not able to sell any of my stuff. Thus, Art History."

"But if you don't take enough artistic classes your wonderful talent may not be nurtured as it should," Axel said and put the notebook away. He smiled when Roxas blushed at the compliment. "Really, I'd hate to see you wasting your talent."

"I'm not wasting it, I just… don't want to be dependent on it alone," Roxas disagreed. He seemed to have forgotten about his initial question at all, just as Axel had wanted. He didn't want to talk about Reno, about his sister, about the weekend; and even though they talked for hours, he managed to avoid any question about his weekend.

* * *

They met every day after Axel's work shift again, and the incident the weekend before seemed forgotten. They didn't talk about it, even though Axel thought about it more than once; one time he caught himself staring at Roxas' mouth when the blond talked about his class, and he unconsciously tried to remember how those lips had felt… But then he put on a smile again, nodded, laughed and tried to ban the thought from his head. He was still all too confused. Everything had happened too fast, but now he found himself thinking about what Roxas had offered.

_Do you want to try? Do you want to… have me?_

_Did_ he? He had never tried kissing a guy before; even during his 'wild years' in Radiant Garden it had always been girls who had kept him company at night. But Roxas was rather… pretty, for a guy at least. Axel doubted Roxas would appreciate being called 'pretty', but the word fit the man so well. He was too… gentle to be called 'handsome', too grown-up to be 'cute', even though he sometimes acted too cute for his age…

Roxas had the most beautiful blue eyes Axel had ever seen. They were bright, and yet held such a deep, rich shade of blue. They were a tad too big for a guy, but that just added to Roxas' youthful charm. And his smile… Whether it was a cheerful smile or a shy smile, a happy or a sad one, a smug smirk or a boyish grin, it always made Axel feel… strange.

Roxas was slightly tanned, a bit on the short side and slender, but stronger than he seemed. His face was flawless, and even though Axel teased him because of his 'babyface' sometimes, he had to admit Roxas' delicate features were a sight he couldn't get enough of. Especially when the younger man smiled. And his hair was naturally blond, as he told Axel once. Of course Axel had joked about not believing that until he had checked it personally, which had obviously confused Roxas.

Axel was confused as well. He didn't know for sure, but sometimes he thought he… flirted with Roxas. Which of course complicated their relationship immensely. Roxas never knew if Axel meant what he said, so he always grew quiet and serious when Axel complimented him about something, or when their hands touched, or when Axel smiled at him the wrong way…

And yet they both enjoyed their daily coffee together, and Axel looked forward to it every day. Even when they just ended up sitting together and didn't talk, but worked for college instead. Even when they started to argue about the strangest things. Even then it was the highlight of Axel's day.

But Roxas didn't seem too comfortable when Axel suggested they go to the same bar as the week before on Friday. But Axel insisted, and Roxas finally gave in.

A few hours later, Axel stared into his drink and couldn't remember why he had wanted to come here in the first place. Or why he had ordered the whiskey in his hand; or why it hurt so much to watch Roxas, who seemed to have a great time.

They had met some old friends of Roxas' in the bar. They knew each other from high school, Roxas explained briefly; Hayner was now working in his father's company and was taking evening classes in business and management next to work, because his father wanted him to take over the company one day. Olette was studying to become a teacher in primary school, and Pence was training to become a… chef? Well, it fit the kid, Axel thought, and then had to remind himself that the 'kid' was as old as Roxas. Twenty. Hardly younger than Axel.

They had talked a lot about people Axel didn't know, about things that had happened during their high school years, about their perfect little lives in this perfect little town. Axel had never felt this left out in his life. Oh, they were all nice; Olette and Pence even attempted to talk to him once or twice, but he refused to reveal anything about himself to a person other than Roxas. Not even Roxas knew much about him, and he preferred it this way.

And now Roxas was trying to escape from Hayner, who tried to convince him into doing karaoke, and Pence and Olette were talking. Which left Axel alone with his drink. And why the hell had he ordered something alcoholic again?

He grabbed his glass and rose from his seat without bothering to excuse himself. Olette and Pence just looked at him, surprised. He ignored them and walked over to the bar, shoving the whiskey over to the bartender.

"Something wrong with it?" the bartender asked him grinning, wiping a glass as a good bartender seemed to do all the time.

"Has alcohol in it," Axel replied darkly. "Ice tea?"

"Sure thing, my friend," the bartender agreed, dumping the rejected glass of whiskey in the sink. "Are you the driver or something?"

Axel blinked at him surprised for a moment, then shook his head. "I live just a few blocks away."

"Any other reason why you don't want to drink alcohol even though you're in a _bar_?" the bartender insisted. What a nosy guy…

"I'm sober," Axel said. Not quite the truth, but close enough. He had never been an alcoholic, but he had always done stupid things while drunk, so he had decided to stop drinking. "Have been for the last two years."

"A good choice," the bartender said and nodded, but didn't pry any further. Axel got his drink, and no one bothered him afterwards.

All around him loud voices mingled with even louder music, and the air was stuffy and too hot. It reminded him so much of Radiant Garden, he could almost taste alcohol and cigarettes and women on his lips…

"What are you doing here?" an all too familiar voice spoke up right next to him. He glanced at Roxas from the corner of his eye, sipping on his ice tea. Roxas seemed out of breath, his face was flushed, his spiky hair even more ruffled than usual. His eyes seemed glassy, and his smile was too wide; Axel guessed it was because of the drinks the blond had already had.

"Good question," he replied coldly, then pulled a few coins out of his pocket. He threw the munny onto the bar and left his only halfway emptied drink, shoving past Roxas roughly. He could hear the younger man call out his name, confused, but didn't allow himself to be bothered by it. Roxas didn't need him here, he had his friends, right? It had been a stupid idea to come here anyway. Had he really thought he could keep Roxas all to himself _all week_? Especially after what had happened the week before…

He glanced back, and he felt hot anger bubble up inside him when his eyes fell onto Roxas… who was already talking to his friends again, just about to sit down it seemed.

Screw it. It had been a ridiculous idea.

Axel weaved his way through the crowd as quickly as he could, and he ignored angry threats in his direction from a few guys he shoved out of his way. He heaved a sigh of relief when he stepped outside, inhaling the sweet night air. It was so quiet and peaceful outside…

With another sigh he started to make his way down the street, into the direction of his apartment, still sulking over the fact that… Well, what _was_ he sulking about? That Roxas had friends other than him? That was ridiculous…

"Hey," someone called out to him, and that someone grabbed the sleeve of his thin jacket. Axel jumped and ripped his arm away, whirling around… and staring at Roxas, who grinned at his bewildered expression.

"Where are you going?" Roxas chuckled, amused, and again his smile lit up his eyes in that unique way that made Axel's stomach flutter so strangely. "My apartment is that way."

"What are you doing here?" Axel yelled, way more harshly than he had intended. But Roxas didn't seem to mind. No, he just smiled wider.

"Goin' home," he laughed and pointed down the street again. "I'm tired anyway, and Hayner is getting annoying with his karaoke. And since you have to bring me home…"

"What about your friends in there?" Axel snarled, and again he regretted his harsh words almost immediately.

"I'll grab some sea salt ice cream with them tomorrow, like in old times," Roxas answered cheerfully. "But now I'm tired. And besides, I want you to bring me home."

Axel tried to protest, but he was just pulled with the smaller man without a chance to say anything. He quickly gave up resisting against Roxas' tight grip on his hand… partly because it felt really nice…

He stared at Roxas' and his intertwined hands for a moment while trotting after Roxas obediently, then he shook his head to clear his thoughts. What the fuck? Hadn't he been angry at Roxas just moments before?

"Wait a sec," he said and pulled his hand back, thoroughly shocked at Roxas' bold move.

"Hey, _you_ wanted to go already," Roxas replied still grinning.

"You can walk on your own," Axel growled under his breath. Roxas smirked, then suddenly fluttered his lashes and laid one hand on his forehead, feigning a dramatic swoon… and falling right into Axel's quickly outstretched arms.

"But Axeeeeeeeeel," he pleaded, suppressed laughter apparent in his voice. "M'not feeeelin' so goood…"

Axel froze, feeling Roxas' arms sneaking around his neck while he still held Roxas upright. Roxas' small body was pressed against his, and he could smell the subtle scent of his hair, mixed with sweat from the stifling heat inside. He forced himself to stare right ahead, over Roxas' head, and not to give in and lean down and… Was… was his heart beating faster?

He shoved Roxas back stiffly, and he was sure he was blushing now. He heard Roxas giggle cheerily, and he _knew _that Roxas had seen the blush, even though he had turned around as quick as he could.

"You dragged me into the bar," Roxas reminded him, still chuckling every now and then. Axel asked himself what was so funny, but didn't dare to turn around yet. His face still felt too hot. "It's your fault I drank too much beer, and now you are responsible for getting me home safely…"

"You're not _that_ drunk," Axel replied darkly, but didn't resist when Roxas linked their arms and dragged him along once again. He just glanced down at the happily smiling blond next to him. No, Roxas didn't seem drunk at all. A bit tipsy, maybe, but not drunk. He could still walk, and he didn't even talk funny or anything…

"Still," Roxas insisted, and that was it. Axel gave up.

They stayed silent for the rest of the five-minute walk to Roxas' apartment. Roxas opened the door, much like the week before. Then he turned around again, smiling sadly.

"I'm sorry you didn't enjoy yourself," he said softly, averting his eyes to the ground. "I shouldn't have left you alone there."

Axel was at a loss for words. What could he reply to that? '_Damn right you should have stayed with me!'_ would make him sound desperate, but _'No, it's alright, I didn't mind at all!'_ didn't sound right as well. Especially after his dramatic exit earlier.

"I'm sorry too," he finally replied, and now it was his turn to look away when Roxas glanced at him questioningly. "I spoiled your evening with your friends. I'm sorry." He laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "I'm a bit difficult sometimes."

"Oh, reeeeeeally," Roxas said slowly, chuckling merrily when Axel pouted, offended. "You didn't _spoil_ my evening. I needed a reason to get away from the karaoke machine anyway."

Axel grinned, confused, rubbing his arm nervously. He wanted to reach out and simply hug Roxas, who looked so adorable with his still slightly reddened cheeks and his shining eyes and his mussed-up hair… but he couldn't…

"Do you want to come in?" Roxas asked out of the blue, and Axel jumped; he hadn't expected that, not after what had happened the week before.

"I…" he started, but stopped himself, confused. He didn't _know_! _Did_ he want to?

"Just for a drink, before you go home," Roxas added calmingly. He smiled. "I won't try anything this time, promise."

"You won't?" Axel heard himself answer before he could stop himself, and he could _not_ explain why his voice had sounded so _disappointed_.

"N-No," Roxas answered, tilting his head to the side and looking at Axel confused. He grinned nervously. "Not if you don't _want_ me to try anything, that is."

"I don't _know_ if I… if I…" Axel whispered, then he fell silent. He laid a hand over his traitorous mouth and looked down. His heart was beating so fast he feared it would explode every moment, and he felt hot and uncomfortable and ashamed and…

"Axel?" Roxas' voice came from far, far away, barely distinguishable over the loud pounding of his own heart. Axel didn't move when Roxas laid a tentative hand on his arm and squeezed gently. No, he enjoyed the small touch, so much he had to close his eyes and a small sigh escaped his suddenly dry lips. "Are you alright?"

"No!" Axel replied fiercely, and immediately afterwards added, "Yes!" He stared at Roxas, who still held onto his arm, desperately trying to grasp what he was feeling at the moment. "I… I don't _know_," he whispered, trying not to drown in clear, blue eyes. He silently begged Roxas to _help_ him; to decide for him what he wanted, to sort out his confused feelings, to… to do something, _anything_. _Help!_ he pleaded without words, grasping Roxas' hand.

And Roxas seemed to understand. He nodded, and this time he didn't smile. He was serious when he stepped closer and wrapped his free arm around Axel's neck, his other hand still holding Axel's. He was still serious when he pulled Axel down a bit, and when he pressed his lips against Axel's in a chaste, gentle kiss.

Axel closed his eyes and got lost in the sensation. He had tried to remember how Roxas' lips had felt all week, but the real thing was so much better than any memory.

This time it didn't take him long to overcome his surprise and respond to the kiss, and soon he found himself wrapping his arms around Roxas' smaller frame, holding the younger man close. Oh yes, he wanted to come in _now_; he hadn't realized how much he had craved this all week, how good it felt, how much he _needed_…

"Do you want to come in?" Roxas asked after breaking the kiss; Axel couldn't answer, just nodded and leaned forward to kiss Roxas again. But he was stopped by two fingers over his mouth, and looked at Roxas questioningly. Roxas smiled and leaned forward, his cheek brushing against Axel's.

"This is just about sex," Roxas whispered, and Axel felt a lustful shiver run up and down his spine at hearing his breathy voice so close to his ear. "No commitments. I don't want to change anything. We'll still meet every day in the café and talk, and whenever you feel like it, we can repeat what we'll do now… If you don't want to, we'll never talk about it again. I just want you to… have a chance… to 'try guys'." He kissed Axel's ear, both his hands moving up to run through Axel's bright, spiky hair. "If you want to, we can be… _friends with benefits_," Roxas added quietly, smiling against Axel's flushed cheek. "Is that okay?"

"Yes," Axel answered breathlessly, feeling annoyed at himself for acting so immature. Hell, he hadn't been so nervous back when he had experienced his first time with a girl. And he had been fucking fifteen years old back then…

But this was different in so many ways. It wasn't only that Roxas was a guy. No, rather it was the fact that Axel really thought he could develop a liking for Roxas, a feeling completely different from all his previous affairs. He had never before had a relationship with someone who could stimulate him like Roxas did. All his affairs had wanted to be with him because they had known his family; his wealthy, noble, hated family. They had wanted to please him, even when he had treated them like dirt.

Roxas didn't know about his family, and yet came to sit with him every day. He managed to make Axel laugh, but he didn't take shit from him. If Axel said something Roxas didn't approve of, Roxas was sure to make that clear. He was witty, intelligent, talented and funny, and… Axel really thought he could grow to like the small blond.

But what if having sex with him ruined everything? What if they realized it didn't work, what if they wouldn't be able to look at each other afterwards, what if…

"No… wait," he gasped and held Roxas back. "I… can't…"

"You don't have to be scared," Roxas whispered and opened the door, gently taking Axel's hand in his.

"You're drunk," Axel protested feebly, feeling panic gnawing at his insides when Roxas led him to the stairs. But he followed him anyway, too entranced by his smile and his shining eyes to struggle.

"I'm not," Roxas disagreed. "I only had two beers, I'm fine. I know what I'm doing."

They reached the second floor, and Axel helplessly watched Roxas open the door. He wanted to stop Roxas, but he couldn't; he tried to tell himself he didn't want this, but knew it was a lie. He wanted this. He wanted Roxas, with every fiber of his being. His hand was cold, but Roxas' was warm, so warm…

Roxas opened the door and stepped inside, never letting go of Axel's cold hand. Axel stumbled after him gracelessly, still stunned by how well the younger man seemed to handle the whole situation despite himself acting like a complete idiot. Roxas turned around and closed the door behind them… and immediately shoved Axel against the door, swallowing every surprised sound by kissing him.

"So… do you want a drink before we…" Roxas said while slowly sliding his hands under Axel's jacket. Axel closed his eyes for a moment, simply enjoying how the gentle touch made his body tingle. But then he grabbed Roxas and switched their positions, grinning at the surprised sound escaping the younger male. He pressed his hand flat against Roxas' chest to hold him in place, unconsciously licking his lips as he studied every detail of Roxas' flushed face. His blue eyes were wide, but quickly took on a mischievous glitter, and his pouty lips formed a sly smile.

"No drink," Axel whispered huskily, curling his fingers around the fabric of Roxas' shirt. Roxas didn't resist, but still smiled when Axel pulled him forward until their lips were almost touching. "I want _you_."

"So? What are you waiting for?" was Roxas' reply, and Axel couldn't help a violent shudder when Roxas' soft lips brushed against his own briefly. "_Take_ me."

And who was Axel to refuse such an order?

* * *

**Quick Note: **And to all of you who expected a sex scene after that: Sorry to disappoint, but I'll let them some privacy here. Maybe there will be more... detailed scenes later, who knows?

... Well, I know, obviously. And my dear beta Salem (whom I must thank very much again!). She's the only one who had the privilege to read the next few chapters already. I just hope she didn't lie when she said they didn't suck as much as I thought they did.

Ah, well. I would love to update more frequently (More specific, I would love to be able to update Perfect Match again.), but I just lack the motivation to write anything lately. I'm sorry about it. I'm also sorry about all the reviews I didn't get to reply to. I hope you can understand that being just a few months away from earning my bachelor's degree does keep me busy and is not really inspiring me to write romantic fanfiction.

Well then. At least there are still a few chapters of this story that are already finished and just need to be beta's before I can post them. Until then!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** What? No. Nothing graphic, I hate to disappoint everyone who waited for a sex scene.

**Disclaimer:** And why would I even _want _to own SquareEnix' and Disney's characters...? Psychotic fans of the Kingdom Hearts series would be out for my blood...

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_"So? What are you waiting for?" was Roxas' reply, and Axel couldn't help a violent shudder when Roxas' soft lips brushed against his own briefly. "__Take me."_

_And who was Axel to refuse such an order?

* * *

_

**Family Bonds – Chapter 5**

Roxas was a heavy sleeper, Axel mused the next morning. He had watched the blond sleep since the rising sun had woken him. Roxas hadn't stirred once; he was just breathing slowly, and… he looked like an angel.

Not at all like last night.

Axel didn't know how to feel about it. He smirked when he thought about what had happened. Roxas had been gentle at first; he had taken it slow and had done everything to make Axel feel comfortable. He hadn't taken the initiative, but had coaxed Axel to take one step after another, until Axel had lost all doubts.

Axel could remember every detail; how he had pinned Roxas to the wall next to the front door, how they had stumbled to the bedroom while kissing each other senseless, and how Roxas had slowly undressed him; all the while teasing him with touches and whispers and moans. He had watched Roxas strip for him, sitting on the bed, his hands clenched around the sheets to keep him from grabbing Roxas and interrupting the show the blond had been giving him.

He remembered slightly tanned skin in the moonlight, Roxas' eyes shining brighter than ever. He remembered how utterly perfect the younger man had been; Roxas was nowhere near being feminine, but very athletic; and yet Axel, who had never before considered being with a man like this, had wanted him so badly this very moment.

He remembered Roxas sitting on his lap, grinding against him tentatively. He remembered more kisses and whispers and moans in the dark. He remembered the feeling of skin on skin and skilled lips and hands that had stimulated parts of his body Axel hadn't even known to be so sensitive. He remembered the heat, the passion, he remembered how Roxas had looked, sitting on him, eyes closed in bliss while he rode Axel relentlessly…

Just thinking about it made Axel feel… bothered again.

It felt so strange. He had thought he would freak out after waking up next to a guy, but the only thing he had felt was… a cautious, still somewhat unsure kind of happiness, if that made any sense at all.

He smiled, his eyes resting on the two earrings (one had a black square on it, the other a white one) for a second before they traced the outlines of Roxas' serene face for what had to be the thousandth time this morning.

He could get accustomed to that sight in the morning, Axel thought. But just when he had gathered the courage to lean down and wake Roxas with a kiss, he was interrupted… by a cheerful song that suddenly filled the room. The music came from somewhere in the heap of clothes over there…

Axel froze for a moment, and the man next to him woke up with a surprised groan, burying his pretty face in his pillow before blinking up to Axel confused. Roxas seemed not amused about being woken at first, but soon a sleepy grin spread all over his face.

"Is that 'Under the Sea'?" he chuckled and yawned, closing his eyes again.

Axel nodded distractedly and crawled to the far end of the bed, throwing their clothes through the room as he searched for his pants. He found them, surprised that the caller hadn't given up already, and pulled out his ringing phone. He flicked it open quickly, not bothering to look at the display. He knew who the caller was.

"Hey, Squirt," he said softly. That Reno hadn't given up sooner wasn't a good sign. Something had happened…

"Axey!" Reno cried out at the other end of the line. His shaking voice just confirmed Axel's suspicions. Something was very, very wrong…

"What's wrong?" Axel asked concerned while searching for his clothes and starting to get dressed.

"Come home!" Reno screamed into the phone. He sounded scared. "Why is no one here? Come home, pwease…"

"Reno, where are you?" Axel interrupted him, trying to keep his voice steady to calm the child down. Inwardly he was panicking.

"Youw apa… apat… Youw house!" Reno wailed, and hiccups soon threatened to drown out the words. The boy was crying, Axel could tell. "Mommy told Eric-daddy to bwing me here, but Axey isn't here, and Eric-daddy left and said Axey would be here soon but I'm scawed…"

"You are… you are at my apartment? _Alone_?" Axel repeated horrified. Reno didn't answer, just sobbed into the phone, again begging Axel to come home. Axel pulled up his jeans with one hand, fumbling around for his shirt frantically. "It's okay, Squirt, it's okay… Don't be scared, shhh…"

A hand held out his shirt for him, and Axel looked up to find Roxas frowning at him.

"Is something wrong?" the blond asked gently, and for a moment Axel was lost for words. How should he explain? Reno was waiting for him, there wasn't enough time to explain his complicated relationship to his sister and his nephew to Roxas…

"Axey, I'm scawed!" Reno screamed again, and Axel just grabbed his shirt without looking at Roxas, jumping from the bed and fleeing the room while pulling it on without buttoning it up. He grabbed his coat and slipped into his boots on his way out, ignoring Roxas calling out for him, but concentrating on Reno.

"Reno? Listen to me! Reno?" he said loudly, slamming the door to Roxas' apartment shut behind himself and hurrying down the stairs. "I'm coming, okay? You don't have to be scared, I'll be right there. Okay? Stay where you are, and don't talk to anybody! Do you understand?"

"Y-Yo…" Reno sniffed, and Axel's heart broke when he heard the boy break out in tears again. He continued to speak soothing words into the phone while running down the street. He thanked all gods he could think of that Twilight Town was so small. It only took him ten minutes to reach his apartment. Already at the front door he could hear loud wailing from both the stairs and his phone, and he rushed upstairs, snapping the phone shut as he ran. From above a loud gasp interrupted the crying, only to be followed by even louder, more helpless sobs.

Cursing his stupidity Axel reached his floor, only to be met by a small crowd in front of his door. Some of his neighbors seemed to have noticed Reno and were staring at the crying boy curled up in front of the apartment door.

Axel pushed through the crowd, rushing to the boy's side.

"Reno," he gasped, completely out of breath from running the whole way here. He stuffed his phone into his coat and reached out to embrace the crying child. But Reno was even faster; at the sound of Axel's voice his head snapped up, and with a loud cry he leapt into Axel's waiting arms, clinging to his uncle as if his life depended on it. Axel hugged him and rocked him gently, kissing the top of his head and whispering soothing nonsense to him. He felt tears prickling at the corners of his own eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

"I'm here, Reno, I'm here," Axel whispered and kissed the boy's forehead, stroking his back soothingly. Reno's thin arms closed around his neck, and the boy seemed to try to crawl under his coat, still sobbing loudly into Axel's shoulder. His little body was shaking, and he stammered something inarticulate.

Axel slowly rose from the floor, still holding the boy close. He quickly looked around, spotting the boy's small duffel bag and shifting Reno so he could hold him with one hand and grab the bag with the other. Without paying the whispering neighbors any heed he unlocked his door and stepped into his apartment, dropping the bag in the hallway and kicking the door closed while still rocking Reno gently to calm him down.

* * *

It took him more than two hours of walking up and down the room, all the while cradling the crying boy to his chest and repeating calming words, until Reno at least calmed down enough to tell him what had happened. Reno refused to let go of him, his small hands fisting in Axel's shirt with surprising strength. Hesitantly he explained that 'Eric-daddy' had brought him here because Reno's mother had asked him to. Apparently she had needed a babysitter again, but hadn't been able to contact Axel (not very surprising, since he hadn't given her his new number). So she had told Eric to bring the boy here, but when the man had found Axel's place empty, he had just left the boy there, assuming Axel would be home soon. Reno hadn't dared to give Eric Axel's new number, since he had promised Axel not to give it away. But as soon as Eric had been gone, he had called Axel himself.

Axel didn't even want to think about what could have happened to Reno. He was glad he had saved his number in Reno's cell phone on speed-dial and had shown the boy how to call him. It had originally been a joke; he had always thought it was ridiculous to give such a small child their own phone, but Reno had memorized how to call him. Axel thanked the gods for making the boy so smart, and to his relief Reno's face lit up at his praise at least a little bit. The constant stream of tears also lessened quickly.

Reno told him Eric had left a letter for Axel in the duffel bag, but he didn't dare to let go of Axel yet. So Axel had to carry him back to the hallway and had to search the bag with one hand, until he found said letter. He sat down in the living room, Reno sitting in his lap and huddling up to him.

If possible, his strong aversion to his sister's new lover even intensified as he read the hastily scribbled lines. Basically, it told him what Reno had said; but Eric even had had the nerve to explain he had left Reno at Axel's doorstep because of a _dentist appointment_. He asked Axel to take care of Reno for the weekend, stating he and the boy's mother would pick him up on Sunday again.

Axel crumpled the letter and threw it into a corner, careful not to show how much the letter had angered him. Instead he smiled and asked Reno if he wanted ice cream, and all anger melted away at Reno's happy squeal. All the tears seemed forgotten, but Reno refused to leave his safe place in Axel's arms. Axel was forced to carry him around all day, and Reno refused to sit anywhere else but on Axel's lap. They played some games Reno had brought with him, watched TV until Axel's head hurt from all the happy-go-lucky children's songs, and they painted many pictures everywhere in the apartment. They ate more ice cream after lunch, which pretty much consisted of some ready-made noodles Axel heated in the microwave. He couldn't possibly prepare lunch with a three-year-old clinging to him like that, and when he tried to put Reno down, the small redhead immediately started to whimper and cry.

But all the crying also exhausted the small boy, and around six in the afternoon, his eyes started to droop during one of his favorite shows. Axel gently took the bowl of ice cream out of his small hands and put it on a nearby table. Reno protested sleepily, but let himself be carried over to the bathroom and made ready for bed.

But he didn't want to let go of Axel when he tucked Reno into his bed. Two small hands closed around Axel's hand and held him back, along with a pleading look on the child's small face.

"Don't go away," Reno pleaded, again at the brink of tears as it seemed. Axel sighed and sat on the bed, gently stroking Reno's fire-red hair.

"I'm right here," Axel replied quietly, smiling at the boy.

"Dun leave me alone," Reno insisted fearfully, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. "The Hawtless…"

"I'll make them go away," Axel promised, gently caressing the boy's cheek.

It took him a moment to remember the song. It was a tune his own mother had often sung when he had been a child himself, and it saddened him to realize he couldn't remember his mother's face along with the song. It was so hard to recall her smile, her eyes, her hair, because he had seen her so rarely the last years before she had died. He knew what she had looked like when she had lived through her last days in the hospital, but he couldn't recall her not being sick and weak and fragile. He had been a terrible son…

But he could at least be a good uncle, he decided, and he could go and search for one of the pictures of his mother he owned later. So he sang for Reno, to chase the Heartless away. He wasn't nearly as good as his mother or even his sister, the famous singer, but apparently his clear voice was enough for Reno, who quickly relaxed in Axel's arms. He didn't react anymore when Axel placed him under the covers and gently tucked him in, all the while singing on about a little mermaid, who lived under the sea…

Before Ariel had chosen to release this tune as one of her songs, Axel had really liked it. It had been a treasured memory, but Ariel had made something else out of it; something he didn't like. It wasn't her fault, it had probably been her producers who had urged her to make the song more interesting, but in Axel's opinion it wasn't a song for the masses. It was a quiet tune, a tune a mother should sing to her child to lull it to sleep.

Reno was fast asleep before Axel could even finish the first verse. Axel smiled, kissed the boy's forehead once more and left the room as quietly as possible, leaving Reno just with the light of a small bedside lamp.

He paced through his apartment restlessly, ignoring his hurting arms and back. He thought about calling his sister and yelling at her for being so irresponsible, but decided against it; she would have his new number then. Or he could hunt down Eric to beat him up for leaving Reno alone, but he didn't know where that guy was. And he couldn't leave Reno alone anyway.

After a while, after he had watched the beautiful sunset over the city for what seemed like an eternity, he shot up from his brooding.

He had an exam on Monday! An exam he hadn't studied for yet… and it was already Saturday evening!

He hurried to the small room where he had stored his textbooks and stuff, frantically searching for the right book. He found it and skimmed through it, quickly checking how much he would have to learn. His face fell at the sheer amount of information about architecture he would have to stuff into his head in less than a day, because he would have to take care of Reno most of the next day as well…

He marched back to the living room, the textbook in one, a notebook in the other hand, and flopped down onto the couch, opening the notebook and preparing to take notes from the textbook… but soon he found himself unable to do that, because the words didn't seem to make sense at all… And then he came across a picture of a white and black checkered pattern, as it was commonly used in Wonderland architecture.

Damn. Somehow he had managed to keep Roxas banned from his mind for the whole day, but this picture reminded him strongly of the blond. He couldn't help it, all Roxas wore seemed to consist of black and white fabric. And there was that checkered wristband he often wore, and…

Roxas. He had left him without a word of explanation, after spending the night… He felt dirty, like he had used the younger man and simply dropped him like one of the cheap hussies back in Radiant Garden… It wasn't like that, it had been a case of emergency, but… but he hadn't told Roxas. He hadn't explained anything. Roxas probably thought… or he…

Axel groaned loudly, pressing the balls of his hands against his eyes until angry red and black spots started to bloom, then ran both hands through his hair. Roxas probably didn't want to see him anymore after his unexplained and sudden getaway. He hadn't even called or tried to apologize…

As hard as Axel tried to ban every thought about Roxas from his mind and concentrate on his studies, he was reminded of Roxas all the time. Angry blue eyes haunted him until the words and pictures in the textbook blurred in front of his weary eyes. He was exhausted from taking care of Reno all day, and he hadn't gotten enough sleep last night; he dozed off more than once, until he couldn't fight sleep any longer. He was asleep before his head touched the fabric of the couch, the notebook sliding from his limp hands and falling to the floor.

* * *

**Quick Note: **Really, really late update.

Nope, I'm not dead. Not really alive either, at least not writing-wise. Sorry. There's just too much stuff going on, and none of it is helping against my terrible writer's block.

Sorry, folks. 'Specially everyone who's been waiting for a new chapter of Perfect Match since... months? I'm working on it, but please don't ask when it will be done.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Wait... (scans page)... Nope, none.

**Disclaimer:** Neither Axel, Roxas, Reno, Ariel, or any other Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy or Disney character does belong to me. Obviously.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_As hard as Axel tried to ban every thought about Roxas from his mind and concentrate on his studies, he was reminded of Roxas all the time. Angry blue eyes haunted him until the words and pictures in the textbook blurred in front of his weary eyes. He was exhausted from taking care of Reno all day, and he hadn't gotten enough sleep last night; he dozed off more than once, until he couldn't fight sleep any longer. He was asleep before his head touched the fabric of the couch, the notebook sliding from his limp hands and falling to the floor._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 6**

"Axey Axey Axey Axey Axey Axey Axey Axey Axey!"

A high-pitched voice along with two small hands shaking his arm startled Axel out of his sleep. He jumped, still half-asleep, and barely noticed his glasses sliding off his nose. He blinked and looked around rather confused. That was not his bedroom, right…?

"Oh, you silly! Don't dwop youw glasses!" Reno cried and bent down to pick them up. He tried to slide them back onto Axel's nose for a moment, a look of pure concentration on his small face. But he quickly gave up and held them out for Axel to take instead, beaming at his uncle merrily.

Axel sat up slowly and let the hand he had raised only halfway to fend off Reno's 'help' drop to his lap. His thoughts were still somewhat hazy, and he couldn't stop blinking owlishly. And it wasn't even sunny outside or anything… Wait. It hadn't even _dawned_ yet!

"Why are you _awake_?" he muttered, hiding a yawn behind one hand while taking his glasses from the grinning boy in front of him. He stared at the tiny fingerprints on the formerly spotless glass for a moment, then laid them aside. He sighed softly.

"'Cos I'm not sleepy anymore!" Reno answered way too enthusiastically for the other, _definitely_ still sleepy redhead.

"Go back to sleep, Reno," Axel groaned, rubbing his weary eyes.

"But I wanna plaaaaaaaaay," the child whined, again grabbing Axel's arm to shake it. "Play wiv meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

_'Oh, hell no!'_ Axel thought and groaned again. He held his head in both hands, yawning again.

"But I'm still tired, Reno," he tried to protest. "Why don't you try to go to sleep again?"

"But youw a grown-up," Reno stated matter-of-factly. "You don't need so much sleep."

"Reno…" Axel sighed, but the boy didn't listen. Instead he started to jump around the couch, continuously yelling "Play wiv meeee!", and occasionally pulling at Axel's clothes, until Axel grabbed him to sit the child on his lap. Reno giggled, snuggling close to Axel.

"Fine," Axel growled, smirking when Reno let out a shrill giggle as Axel's fingers danced down his side. "But you have to be quiet until Uncle Axel has had his coffee, alright?"

"Al-… Alwiiiiiiiight!" Reno agreed, squirming in Axel's grip. He shrieked again when Axel rose from his seat, throwing his thin arms around Axel's neck. "Sowwee," he whispered, laying a finger over his lips. "I'm quiet now."

"That's my Squirt," Axel said smiling. "Hot chocolate for you?"

Reno nodded, but stayed quiet. He had his fingers in his mouth, but his eyes were sparkling at the mentioning of sweet, unhealthy breakfast stuff. Axel laughed and ruffled Reno's bright hair while holding him securely with the other hand.

"I love you, Reno," Axel whispered, smiling at the child in his arms fondly. "You know that, right?"

Reno grinned, but kept his fingers in his mouth. He just nodded enthusiastically. Axel laughed again.

* * *

He didn't laugh for very long though. Just like he had thought, Reno didn't leave him any time to study. After a quick shower Axel had tried to make Reno watch TV, but Reno soon grew bored with the program. He tried to learn while Reno did a puzzle, but was chastised for not concentrating on the puzzle. He tried to make Reno draw, but Reno insisted his uncle had to draw with him.

Slowly but surely Axel started to panic. It was an important exam he would have to take the next day, and he couldn't miss it. Maybe he could talk to his teacher and try to move it, but…

"You'we not listening!" Reno wailed and startled Axel out of his thoughts. Axel groaned and let his head fall onto the table.

"Reno, why can't you just play alone for one or two hours?" he sighed exasperatedly, immediately regretting it when Reno's eyes started to water.

"You… you don't want to play wiv me at all," Reno said meekly, and immediately added louder, "You don't like me anymore!"

"I didn't say that," Axel tried to limit the damage, but it was too late. Reno started to cry and kept accusing Axel he was mean, and he didn't listen to anything Axel had to say. He started to hit Axel, threw pencils and notebooks at him and refused to calm down, not even when Axel promised him ice cream.

Axel tried his best not to freak out on the kid – It wasn't Reno's fault he was busy. The boy's mother was to blame, and all of her incompetent staff. For the love of God, they had _six_ sisters! Four of them had kids of their own, and all of them adored Reno. So why did she have to bring… let him be brought to Axel's place, and without even asking him first?

And just when Axel thought he couldn't take it any longer and opened his mouth to yell at still raging Reno, the doorbell rang.

Axel froze; he stared at Reno, who had stopped crying to look to the door instead. Axel felt all of his strength leaving his body at once. He raised trembling hands to cover his mouth.

Had he really just thought of yelling? At _Reno_?

He was a horrible, horrible person. How could he even think that? He loved the child, and his bad mood wasn't Reno's fault. He knew better than yelling at a three-year-old, who wouldn't understand why he was being yelled at anyway. Oh, how could he…

"Who's that?" Reno asked curiously, all anger at his uncle seemingly forgotten. Axel was unable to move or to talk at first, still shocked about his own behavior. But then Axel rose from his seat and hurried out of the living room to answer the door.

He kept looking back while he opened the door, already expecting to hear Reno starting to cry again. He didn't even look at his visitor when he opened the door. He knew who it was; it had to be his sister, or at least one of her lackeys, who came to pick up Reno. Nobody else knew where he lived… Well, those who did know wouldn't care about it anyway.

"What?" he growled irritated, still glancing at the door to the living room. Okay, so far everything seemed calm… "You're damn late, you idiot!"

"Nice," the other person in the hallway replied. "I'm starting to understand why everybody thinks you're an asshole."

Wait, that wasn't…

Axel froze, and finally he managed to take a look at his visitor. Blond, blue eyes, pretty small for his age. And smiling. That smile was what startled Axel most.

"What the fuck are _you_ doing here?" he blurted out, scowling when Roxas started to laugh. No, that was not the reaction he had expected… Let's see… He had run away after spending the night with Roxas without explaining anything, right? So _why_ was he here?

"I'm bringing you lunch," Roxas replied grinning, raising the paper bag he was holding in his left hand. Oh, and there was another one in his right hand. "You said you had to study a lot. And if I had to guess, I'd say you are the type to forget about eating at all while learning. Am I right?"

"What?" Axel asked and blinked, still trying to grasp the reason _why_ in God's name Roxas was standing on his fucking doorstep! "No! What? _Why_ the _fuck _are you _here_?"

"Lunch," Roxas repeated slowly, talking as if he was explaining something to a child. "Stuff to eat. See? I…" He pointed at himself, then at Axel. "…bring you…" And then he raised the bags in his hands again, shaking them in front of Axel's face. "…stuff to eat." He smirked, eyeing Axel up briefly. "You're thin enough as it is. Do you eat at all? Other than Kairi's chocolate cake, that is."

"I'm not _that_…" Axel started, but then he shook his head forcefully. Dammit! Of all times Roxas could have decided to show up in front of his apartment, it had to be _now_! "Listen, it's just… You're coming at an inconvenient time right now…" Oh yes! Inconvenient! What with a three-year-old sitting in his living room and all… Axel hoped Reno would be good for once and stay where he was.

"Is that so?" Roxas asked quietly, even the last trace of a smile vanishing from his face. He stretched to look over Axel's shoulder, warily inspecting the hallway. "Are you having a visitor already?"

Axel didn't like Roxas' sudden change in demeanor. Oh, he knew what Roxas was thinking, but how should he explain the situation? How should he tell Roxas it wasn't like he was thinking, but…

"You look like U'chin," a small voice next to Axel piped up, and Axel felt his heart sink. Oh, great.

Roxas seemed quite surprised. Not that Axel could blame him. Roxas stared at a point right next to Axel's knee, his eyes widening almost comically. Axel sighed and closed his eyes.

"Axey, Axey," Reno squeaked and reached up to pull at Axel's pants. "Who's that? He looks like U'chin!"

"He does not look like Urchin, Reno," Axel answered tiredly, glancing down at the boy next to him. Reno was eyeing the stranger in front of him warily, but soon nodded and pulled at Axel's pant leg once more.

"Yes he does!" the boy exclaimed and pointed at Roxas. "See? Yellow hair! He looks like U'chin!"

"And who's that?" Roxas asked, staring down at Reno wide-eyed.

"U'chin was Mommy's boyfriend, but now he's not anymore," Reno explained merrily, smiling broadly. "U'chin always played wiv me!"

"His name is Reno," Axel answered Roxas' question correctly, ruffling Reno's hair. He earned a startled squeak for that, and to his own surprise he managed a weak smile. "He's my 'visitor'."

"Oh," Roxas said equally quiet.

"Do you wanna play wiv me too?" Reno asked excitedly, but his smile turned into a pout when he noticed none of the grown-ups were paying attention to him.

"He's your…" Roxas repeated shakily, quickly stopping himself. He shook his head lightly, quickly putting on a neutral face. "I see," he added solemnly, taking a small step back and looking down at the floor. "I'm sorry I bothered you, I didn't know…" He looked down at Reno once more, then his eyes found Axel's again. He seemed unsure now; Axel had rarely seen him like this before.

"How could you not mention you had a son in any of our conversations before?" Roxas asked quietly, and Axel felt his jaw drop.

_What_?

Roxas tilted his head to the side when he noticed Axel's suddenly baffled expression. Axel couldn't believe what he had just heard; he wasn't able to talk or think as well for a moment, or so it seemed. That couldn't be true. How the hell had Roxas gotten _that_ idea? _Son_? What, _his_ son? Reno? But before he could correct Roxas' remark…

"Axey?" Reno laughed, shaking his head wildly. "He's not my Daddy! He's my _uncle_!"

"Is he?" Roxas replied weakly while Axel groaned and hid his eyes in his hand.

"Yo," Reno explained enthusiastically. "Do you know what that means? Mommy explained it to me. That means Uncle Axey is Mommy's bwother. And he's older than she…"

"Older than _her_," Axel corrected him absently.

"Mommy is _famous_," Reno continued gleefully, completely ignoring his uncle. "Do you know her? She sings pwetty songs…"

"I… I don't know," Roxas answered confused. "What's her name?"

"Ariel," Reno replied. "Do you know her? She's _famous_," he added once more, smiling proudly.

"Ari-…" Roxas started, but stopped again. He slowly looked up to Axel. "Kaji. Your… your last name is Kaji. Like in _Ariel Kaji_?" His voice grew higher with every word. "The famous singer from Atlantica? _Ariel Kaji_ is your… your _sister_?"

Oh, how often had he heard those words already? Axel knew how this would continue; Roxas would either not get over the fact Axel's sister was famous and wouldn't want to see him again – or he would only want to be friends with Axel to get a chance to meet Ariel. Axel didn't like either of those options.

"Thanks for bringing me lunch," Axel muttered, refusing to look at Roxas anymore. He looked down, stepped back and pulled Reno with him. Reno looked up to him with big, questioning eyes. "I'm sorry for wasting your time." And he outstretched his hand to close the door.

He never got a chance to actually close it though.

"What are you talking about?" Roxas suddenly exclaimed, slamming his flat hand against the door and shoving it open so harshly it banged against the wall. Reno shrieked loudly, but then started to giggle, and Axel, too, couldn't help a small gasp that escaped him when he felt the door miss his face and his outstretched hand just by a hair. He didn't feel like laughing though. Instead he slowly turned his head to stare at the door. Holy crap. That would have ripped his nose right out of his _face_…

"What did I do _now_?" Roxas demanded and scowled at Axel, still holding the door open. "Heavens, I just asked you if Ariel Kaji was your sister. And shutting the door in my face is no way to answer my question, you know?"

Axel blinked, still gaping at the door.

"I see." Roxas rolled his eyes. But suddenly the annoyed look on his face turned into a sweet smile, and he leaned down to grin at Reno, who happily returned his smile. "Hi," Roxas said. "Your name is Reno, right?"

"Yo," Reno answered cheerfully.

"I'm Roxas," Roxas continued, smiling again when the little boy suddenly stretched out a small hand to him. Roxas took Reno's hand and shook it gently.

"Nice to meet you, Woks… Woksas," Reno said politely. Axel, who had slowly managed to relax after nearly getting smashed by the door, now turned to stare down at his nephew unbelievingly. Since when did Reno act so well-behaved around strangers? And he had nearly gotten Roxas' name right…

"Wow, that was great," Roxas complimented Reno, and the boy beamed at the praise. "You know, I don't know many kids your age who get my name right."

"But I am smawt!" Reno stated proudly and grinned up to Axel adoringly. "I wanna be as smawt as Axey when I'm grown-up."

"I bet you'll be even smarter." Roxas nodded firmly and smiled a bit wider when Reno giggled happily. "Sooo, Reno… Ariel Kaji is your Mommy?"

"Yo!" the child replied. And just to make sure Roxas got that fact, he added, "She's _famous_."

"Oh, that she is," Roxas agreed and glanced up to Axel, who slowly managed to get over the fact that Reno was being _polite_. "But that's so hard to believe, because your Mommy is so sweet and your uncle is pretty rude…"

"He's not!" Reno protested. "He's the nicest uncle in the world!"

"But don't you think it's rude to close the door in the middle of a conversation?" Roxas asked, now looking at the boy again.

"A what?" Reno asked, scratching his head cutely.

"Sorry," Roxas said, coughing softly to hide a grin. It seemed like he had just remembered he was talking to a child. "I mean: In the middle of our talk."

"But you said something else!" Reno insisted. "Cov… con… confi…"

"Conversation," Roxas said and nodded. "But that's too big of a word for a small guy like you."

"'m not small," Reno replied, holding up three fingers. "I'm thwee!"

"Wow, you don't say? I take everything back," Roxas said, barely restraining laughter.

"Do you wanna play wiv me now?" Reno asked again, looking up to Roxas with big, hopeful eyes. "Axey isn't good at playing today…"

"I'll have to ask Axel first, okay?" Roxas replied patiently, again glancing up to Axel. "Why don't you go inside already?"

"Oooooooh," Reno said and nodded wisely, "you gonna have a grown-up-talk, wight?" And without waiting for an answer he turned around and dashed back to the living room.

"I guess…" Roxas sighed and straightened up again. Axel was surprised to find the blond still smiling, although it was not as amused as before.

After a moment of silence, during which Roxas just seemed to stare at Axel expectantly, Axel nervously cleared his throat and looked down to the floor.

"So… Why are you here?" he asked and winced when he heard Roxas snicker almost inaudibly.

"Lunch," Roxas stated for the… third or fourth time, Axel didn't quite remember. "I just wanted… to bring you… lunch."

"Right, right," Axel muttered, and suddenly he felt like an idiot. Again there was an awkward moment of silence between them.

"Axel Kaji," Roxas finally broke the silence, and from the sound of his voice Axel could tell the blond was smiling. He couldn't be sure though, as looking up would surely kill him out of pure embarrassment. Strange enough, he was surprised to find that he liked how his name sounded coming from Roxas' mouth. "It must be pretty _interesting_ to have such a famous sister."

"Hn," Axel grunted, and he was telling himself he was not feeling disappointed. He couldn't possibly have kept it from the world forever, right? But he hated what he knew would come next. Now Roxas would either state that he was Ariel's biggest fan, or he would ask Axel if she really was as rich as…

"You know, I never liked her music," Roxas stated nonchalantly, and winked at Axel when he suddenly looked up to gawk at the younger man. "But don't tell that the little guy in there."

"What?" Axel managed to breathe somehow. He couldn't believe it; wasn't Roxas interested in his famous little sister at all?

"Well, it may surprise you, but I'm not interested in your famous little sister at all," Roxas added and thusly convinced Axel that he had been reading his mind all along. "Your cute little nephew there on the other hand seems very interesting."

Axel had to stare at him again for a moment, then he registered what Roxas had just said. And interpreted it the completely wrong way.

"Pervert," he said monotonously, and instantly got hit in the face by a bag full of food. He managed to catch it before it fell to the floor, and again he wanted to die out of shame when he spotted the amused grin on Roxas' lips. Why had he _said_ that? It seemed like his brain had gone on vacation since he had opened this damned door.

"Well, three years is a little bit too young for me," Roxas scoffed. "I like my molestation victims a bit older than that. About twenty years older, I'd say."

"I'm sorry, I just…" Axel groaned, but he was quickly silenced when Roxas shoved the second bag into his arms.

"You're lucky that I bought enough food for at least four persons," Roxas said cheerfully while he rushed past Axel. He didn't seem to intend to give Axel a chance to stop him from entering his apartment. The younger man just kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket, acting as if he had been living here for years. Axel was way too surprised to protest.

"Say, didn't you have to study for an exam or something?" Roxas asked while he took the two bags from Axel's stiff hands again. "I can look after Reno for a while if you want."

"But I…" Axel muttered, still standing at the door and looking after Roxas helplessly.

"It's no problem, really," Roxas interrupted him and shrugged. He was already at the door to Axel's living room. "I have nothing important to do today." He grinned at Axel. "And I hear you're not good at playing today anyway…"

Again there was silence, until a wave of relief and gratitude hit Axel full force as Roxas' words finally settled in his mind. He stayed completely serious and calm when he followed Roxas and fell to his knees in front of the surprised blond.

"Marry me," he said earnestly, not even smiling when Roxas stared at him wide-eyed. Yes, he had probably gone insane. He didn't mind right now. He was just so grateful that Roxas offered him a chance to at least _pass_ his exam…

"Yeah, well… No," Roxas finally replied and smiled while patting Axel's head. "Not until you've got your master's degree, sweetheart."

"Sounds fair enough," Axel agreed and rose to his feet again, smiling softly. Suddenly it was so _easy_ to smile… "Thank you."

"No problem. Just…" Roxas threw him a skeptical look. "Don't ever do that again. It's creepy beyond words."

"That… also sounds fair," Axel said and nodded, grinning sheepishly.

"What does 'sweetheart' mean?" a small voice asked, interested, and the grown-ups turned around to find three-year-old Reno smiling at them innocently.

Axel could feel his ears grow hot, and when he glanced at Roxas he could see his cheeks taking on a rosy hue. Now _that_… would be complicated to explain.

But there was an easy way out of it.

"Well, Reno, Roxas here will explain that to you," he exclaimed cheerfully, quickly making his way to the small room he used as a home office. He picked up his books on his way and tousled Reno's hair when he walked past the boy, only bending down to give Reno a gentle kiss on the forehead. "I have to do some grown-up-stuff now. Is that okay?"

"But my puzzle…" Reno protested and held up some pieces of said jigsaw.

"Did I mention I am a master of solving puzzles?" Roxas asked smiling, sitting down across Reno.

"Weally?" Reno queried and dropped the pieces. He looked at Roxas for a while, absent-mindedly sucking on his thumb.

"Of course," Roxas replied and nodded. Then he leaned forward, winking at Reno and acting like he wanted to share a secret with the small boy. "And while your uncle has to do all the grown-up-stuff, we can eat all the sea-salt ice cream I brought," he whispered loud enough for Axel to hear.

Axel's face fell, while Reno started to giggle and nod enthusiastically. How did Roxas know Axel loved sea-salt ice cream? He stopped at the door and tried to protest… but he pouted sadly when Reno waved at him to go, shooing him away. That brat just didn't want to share his sea-salt ice cream!

Roxas also waved at him, grinning impishly and whispering something to Reno again. This time Axel couldn't make out the words, but again Reno started to giggle, pressing his little hands over his mouth as if to keep the secret in.

"Don't you have grown-up stuff to do?" Roxas asked smugly, and Axel felt his mouth twitch in annoyance. _Both_ brats didn't want to share their ice cream it seemed.

But on the other hand he was glad that Reno seemed to like Roxas. He really needed the time to study…

"Fine," he huffed and threw first Roxas, then Reno a stern look. "Reno, you tell Roxas about the rules, right? I'm counting on you."

"Yessir!" Reno shouted and did something that strangely reminded Axel of a salute. He would have to ask the boy where he had gotten that from later. For now he was content with watching Reno plopping down in front of a surprised Roxas, raising one small, chubby hand to explain the rules.

He smiled at Roxas' confused expression when he shut the door behind him. Time to study.

* * *

**Quick Note: **As you probably all noticed, I'm kind of on a hiatus right now... Sorry to all of you who are still waiting for new stuff, especially a new Perfect Match chapter, but I'm afraid I can't provide anything new right now. I'm very sorry. But thank you to all of you who still haven't given up on me and wait for updates patiently - I hope I haven't lost you yet. Well then. I guess I can at least post this and other stuff that has been beta'd months ago.

By the way, a big THANK YOU to my beta Salem, who probably thinks I'm dead because I failed to keep in touch due to... personal... problems. Sorry, dear, I hope you don't hate me too much now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** I hate warnings. They take the whole _thrill _out of a chapter! But yeah... Kids, if you're, let's say, younger than sixteen years old, please back off. Thanks.

**Disclaimer:** ... Characters = Not mine.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_"Fine," he huffed and threw first Roxas, then Reno a stern look. "Reno, you tell Roxas about the rules, right? I'm counting on you."_

_"Yessir!" Reno shouted and did something that strangely reminded Axel of a salute. He would have to ask the boy where he had gotten that from later. For now he was content with watching Reno plopping down in front of a surprised Roxas, raising one small, chubby hand to explain the rules._

_He smiled at Roxas' confused expression when he shut the door behind him. Time to study._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 7**

Axel didn't know how much time later it was that he heard the door to his study open. And even though he heard the quiet creaking of the door, he was still surprised when suddenly a cup of tea was gently placed right next to one of his textbooks.

He looked up, and suddenly he felt tired. How long had he been studying here, listening both to Roxas' and Reno's voices in the living room and the soft tapping of raindrops on the window…

"Hm?" He looked up and took off his glasses, rubbing his aching eyes wearily.

"It's nine," Roxas replied, smiling at him unusually gently. "I thought you wanted something to drink."

Axel blinked at the steaming cup and nodded slowly. "Yeah, thank you," he said quietly. He dropped the pencil onto his notebook and closed his eyes for a short moment before he reached out to close his unusually cold hand around the cup. He hissed at the sudden heat burning into his skin, but quickly adapted to the warmth. He took a small sip. Aaaah, just what he needed now…

"I put Reno to bed an hour ago," Roxas explained while sitting on a comfy armchair next to the desk, crossing his legs and hugging his knees to rest his head on them. His eyes never left Axel's face.

"Did you sing for him?" Axel asked, worried, thinking about the Heartless.

"Yeah," Roxas answered calmly. "He told me about those things coming out of the shadows. I sang one of his mom's songs for him. And I just checked on him. Seemed like he was sleeping like a baby."

"I thought you didn't like her music," Axel said and hid a small smile by taking another sip of his tea.

"But that doesn't mean I can escape it," Roxas replied and also smiled. "And as long as it makes the 'Heartless' go away…"

"I don't know who told him about those things," Axel exclaimed and shook his head.

"Well… At least he's asleep now," Roxas said and shrugged. Then he rose from the chair again and nodded at the cup in Axel's hands. "Drink. I'll make you another one afterwards if you want."

Axel wanted to thank him, but never got the chance to do it as Roxas left the room with a quick "I'll be back in a second."

Axel looked out of the window, sighing deeply. It was still raining a little, and he followed a few droplets trailing down the glass with his eyes. He vaguely remembered that Roxas had brought him something to eat earlier, but he should be damned if he could remember what it had tasted like… Wait, had he even thanked Roxas for it? Had he thanked Roxas _at all_?

Damn, had he really let Roxas watch Reno all afternoon without thanking him?

"Oh, fuck…" he groaned and let his head drop onto his folded arms. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…"

"I'd love to," Roxas answered, and Axel shot up again with a startled scream. He heard Roxas snicker behind him, but he was too occupied with calming down his racing heart to turn around.

"Shh," Roxas chided him and slapped the back of Axel's head none too gently. "You'll wake Reno."

"I'm sor-…" Axel started to apologize, but he was quickly silenced by a spoon full of cold, wet, salty-sweet stuff that was shoved into his mouth. He tried to protest, but melting ice cream bathed his mouth in a delicious mix of flavors. His eyes closed on their own volition, and far, far away he could again hear Roxas chuckle quietly.

He opened his eyes again, the spoon still hanging from his mouth, and looked down. He stared for a while, then he looked up to Roxas, who was still holding out a bowl of blue ice cream to him patiently.

"I saved some for you," Roxas explained, grinned at Axel and winked at him. "Because you were such a good boy and studied all day."

Axel sighed happily and nodded. Taking the bowl from Roxas he leaned back in his chair, smirking when he noticed that the impish smile on Roxas' face wavered and a slight blush covered his face when their hands touched.

Ah, it seemed like he still had at least _some_ effect on Roxas. What a relief after half a day of feeling like an idiot around the younger man. But Roxas had been rather aggressive today… He had seemed to enjoy teasing Axel even more than usual…

Suddenly Axel wasn't hungry anymore. He just stared down at the bowl of delicious ice cream in his lap and felt even more stupid than before. Of course Roxas was mad at him. That was why he had teased Axel throughout the day. He was mad because… because…

"I'm sorry," Axel whispered, slowly putting the bowl aside. He quickly glanced at Roxas, but looked away again when he met deep blue eyes.

"Pfsh, forget it," Roxas replied lightly and flopped down onto the comfy chair next to the desk. "You were just stressed out. I mean, I would probably have shut the door in your face too if I had to watch out for my nephew _and_ to study…"

"No, I didn't mean…" Axel stopped himself and sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "Well," he tried again, "yeah, I'm sorry for being so stupid before, but I meant…" He tried to look at Roxas, but again he had to look away. He frowned at his textbooks instead. Damn it, why was it so hard for him to say what he wanted to tell Roxas?

"Yes?" Roxas asked and looked at him expectantly, propping his chin in one hand.

"I'm sorry for running away," Axel muttered, still inspecting a picture of Wonderland's royal palace.

"Sorry? I didn't catch that," Roxas said confused. He leaned to the side a bit and tried to look at Axel's face, holding onto the desk with one hand. Axel sighed shakily and closed his eyes, willing himself not to flinch back from Roxas.

"I'm sorry," he repeated firmly, keeping his eyes closed. "For running away without explaining anything."

"Oh," Roxas said, and Axel could feel him leaning back again. Only now he dared to open his eyes again. And only now he allowed himself a look at Roxas. The blond was sitting on his chair, one knee drawn up to his chest, staring at the window. Axel was surprised to notice a small smile on Roxas' lips.

"That," Roxas said and nodded. He smiled a bit wider and looked at Axel again. "I thought you chose the 'I didn't like it and will never talk about it again'-option."

Axel was confused at first, but then he remembered their conversation before… before they had entered Roxas' apartment.

"I told you I didn't want our relationship to change just because we had sex once," Roxas continued lightly, suddenly stretching his arms and hiding a small yawn behind one hand. "We don't have to talk about it if you didn't like it." Axel couldn't help but flinch at the mentioning of their night together, but he also was unable to stop staring at Roxas.

How could he be so _unfazed_ by this?

"I _did_ like it," he heard himself say, and he couldn't help but notice how cute a slight blush made Roxas look. Now it was Roxas' turn to avoid looking at him.

"Really?" Roxas asked, his voice unusually soft. He started to play with his earrings again, nervously biting his lip. Axel was fascinated by the way this small gesture made him want to kiss Roxas again.

"Yes," he replied, and he was glad that his voice seemed to sound strong and honest this time. "I liked it. And I'm sorry for running away, but…" He sighed deeply and looked down. "The call I got… Reno was all alone here, and I had…"

"Of course you had to go," Roxas agreed, still staring out of the window rather than looking at Axel. "I just wish you had said anything. I thought…" Now he laughed, amused, but also a bit embarrassed. "You know, when you said you had a visitor earlier, I thought you already had a girl over or something."

"Why would you think that?" Axel asked, now feeling quite amused himself.

"I don't know," Roxas answered and shrugged. "Maybe I thought you tried to get rid of the memories of having sex with a guy."

"Were you _jealous_?" Axel asked smirking, but Roxas just threw him a sly look.

"Don't flatter yourself," Roxas snorted. "I was merely worrying about my ego."

"Really?" Axel said skeptically. Not that he would ever admit it, but he _did_ feel a little bit disappointed about Roxas' words.

"Yeah, well, it _would_ hurt my pride if somebody ran off to have sex with a woman right after having sex with me. I always thought I was pretty good in bed," Roxas explained openly. "Wouldn't you feel offended if someone did that to you? Sleeping with someone else mere hours after sleeping with you, I mean."

Axel was too shocked to answer, but lucky for him Roxas didn't seem to expect him to.

"But it would also have been okay if you _did_ have a girl over, I guess," Roxas continued and shrugged before looking out of the window again. "I told you there were no commitments. It's not like we're a couple or anything."

"But I would _never_ do that!" Axel exclaimed more fiercely than he had intended to. He felt his face heat up a little when Roxas looked at him, surprised. "What kind of asshole do you think I am?"

"That's not it," Roxas said calmingly. "But it _has_ happened before. I mean, it was your first time with a guy, and I really understand if it confused you… I was _pretty_ confused after my first time, you know. I just wanted to say I wouldn't have been surprised if you had…"

"What?" Axel blurted out, suddenly feeling bad for Roxas and not even knowing why he did. "Someone already _did_ that to you?"

Roxas sighed, and suddenly he seemed rather uncomfortable.

"Let's just say he wasn't quite as open-minded about gay sex like you are," he muttered. Suddenly his blue eyes took on a strangely forlorn look, and he turned to look out of the window once more. "He was completely drunk, and I had a little crush on him." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He couldn't wait to get away from me after he sobered up enough to realize what we did. And the day after he was caught with a girl in the janitor's closet at school."

"Oh," Axel murmured, and he wasn't sure what else to say.

"Well, but now this is getting a bit awkward, don't you think?" Roxas said and chuckled quietly when he noticed Axel staring at him, confused. "Anyway. Are you going to eat the ice cream?"

Axel blinked at him perplexed, but then pushed the bowl of already melting ice cream over to Roxas.

"Help yourself," he muttered and smiled when Roxas snatched the bowl from the desk. He watched the blond for a while, not daring to break the silence, even though it felt heavy. But what could he say? Oh, he could tell Roxas he was sorry for what that guy did, but that wouldn't help, and he doubted Roxas would even want it. So he just sat there and watched, fascinated by the way Roxas savored the salty-sweet mush in the bowl. He closed his eyes, let the ice cream melt on his tongue and simply enjoyed licking the last bit of ice cream from the spoon…

"So it was Reno who called you?" he suddenly asked, opening his eyes again to look at Axel while raising another spoon full of light blue goodness to his lips. Axel just shrugged and nodded.

"Why didn't his mother call you?" Roxas continued when he realized he would get no other answer from Axel. "I mean, she has to ask you if she can bring him here, hasn't…"

"Who, _Ariel_? Perfect little Ariel? She doesn't ask," Axel snorted angrily. "She doesn't have to ask for anything. She's famous, that gives her every right to do what she wants."

"But she…"

"She didn't call me because she knew I would take care of Reno anyway," Axel interrupted Roxas. "She just didn't think it was possible I might not be home when she decided to let him be dropped off at my doorstep." He laughed bitterly. "She didn't even come _herself_…"

But before he could rant on about his sister, he heard a phone ringing.

Both he and Roxas stared at Axel's cell on the desk. Axel took it hesitantly, giving Roxas a quick, apologetic smile before he flipped it open and looked at the display. His smile froze.

He stared at the display for another second before answering the call.

"How did you get this number?" he asked, deadly calm, without greeting the caller.

"Hello, Axel," a female voice answered, equally calm. "It's nice to hear you too."

"How did you get my number, Ariel?" Axel growled, drumming his fingers on the desk.

"After Sebastian told me Reno had your number I took a look at his cell," Ariel explained. "So, how is Reno?"

"Why don't you come here and take a look yourself?" Axel asked through gritted teeth. From the corners of his eyes he noticed Roxas looking at him strangely. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you plan to pick him up today?"

He didn't like the silence at the other end of the line. He didn't like it one bit.

"Well, about that…" He could hear Ariel fidgeting with something at the other end.

"No," he immediately stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you _dare_ to suggest something like that!"

"But Axel, I can't pick him up today," Ariel said in a pleading tone. "I have to…"

"I don't care what you have to do," Axel hissed, slowly rising from his seat. "You _will_ pick up your son now!"

"But I don't have time for him!" Ariel protested. "Eric and I…"

Axel felt an ugly scowl deform his face.

"Shut it!" he spat hatefully. "Did your _Eric_ tell you he left Reno all alone in front of my apartment?"

"Yes, he told me," Ariel replied, and for a moment Axel was too stunned to answer. "But he had to wait for three months for his appointment with Dr. Mi-…"

"_What the hell is wrong with you?_" Axel yelled as soon as got over the shock, slamming his flat hand down onto the desk. That _brat_! She even _defended_ her asshole of a lover! "He was alone! He was scared!"

"Reno isn't scared that easily…"

"He's three years old, and your boy-toy left him alone in the hallway! In a house he doesn't know, surrounded by strangers, in a city completely alien to him!" Axel roared. "He was crying when I got home!"

"Hey, that wouldn't have happened if you had been home!" Ariel screamed.

"Oh, so it's _my_ fault now?" He couldn't believe it! Seething with rage he hit the wall next to him, unable to contain his anger any longer.

"If you had just given me your number…"

"You _had_ my number!" Axel shouted and cleared a nearby shelf with one angry swipe. Books fell to the floor, but Axel didn't care, just kicked them aside. "You just said you took it from Reno's phone!"

"Why weren't you home anyway? You're a student, shouldn't you stay at home and study or something?" Ariel asked angrily.

Oh, the nerve of that woman!

"Yes, I _had_ to study!" Axel yelled on top of his lungs. "But _someone_ dumped Reno on me, and since you _obviously_ have no idea how to handle a child his age: You can't just place him in front of a TV all day and do something else! You have to take care of him! Oh, and it's none of your business why I wasn't home! You don't care anyway! You rather leave him alone than calling and asking before…"

"You don't understand how busy I am!"

"Oh, I do understand! You're obviously too busy to care for your own son!"

"I care for him all year! I just asked you to look after him one weekend…"

"No! _No_! That's the problem, Ariel! You _didn't_ ask! You took for granted I would look after him without even asking me!"

"Oh, _please_…"

"And you don't take care of him! His nanny does, and he hates her!"

"How dare you!"

"You never cared for him! When was the last time you spent time with him, Ariel? When did you go to the park with him, or buy ice cream…"

"Ice cream? Oh, don't tell me you gave him that unhealthy…"

"He's a child! He's not a pet you can give away if you don't have the time to look after it!"

"How _dare_ you!"

"You don't care for anybody else but you! You don't care about your son, about me, you only care about yourself…"

"I just asked you to watch him one more day, Axel!"

"Did it ever occur to you I might neither have the _money_, nor the _time_ to do that?"

"Oh, as if you had something else…"

"Unlike _somebody_ I know I have to _work_ to pay my rent!"

"Oh, please! You could just ask Daddy to give you…"

"No, I can't! I don't want his money! I have to work, and I have classes tomorrow!"

"Can't you just skip one day?"

"Shut the fuck up! I have an exam tomorrow I barely had time to study for! Do you even realize how many problems you create by being so goddamned selfish?"

"You can't talk to me like that!" Ariel screeched loudly.

"I'll talk however the fuck I want!" Axel yelled even louder. "You can't keep treating people like that, Ariel! I don't have time to look after him tomorrow! And I'm so goddamn tired of your excuses!"

"But you're the only one whom he wants to spend time with anyway!" Ariel retorted sharply, and for a moment her words stopped the anger clouding Axel's thoughts.

"What about our sisters?" He asked, rubbing his suddenly sore throat.

"How should I know?" Ariel answered angrily. "I barely talked to them since I started my career." Axel could _hear_ the scornful smirk in her voice. "They are jealous because I made something of myself…"

"You know that both Andrina and Arista work for our father, and Adella is studying to do the same? That Aquata cares for her crippled husband ever since his accident, and for her four children and still somehow manages to coordinate father's appointments? That Attina runs her own, very successful boutique in Radiant Garden? That Alana finished high school a year early and is studying to become a pediatrist?" Axel asked venomously. "I dare say they _all_ made more of themselves than you did, _princess_."

And then he heard a click.

He pulled his phone away from his ear to stare at it unbelievingly. She had just hung up on him!

"That _bitch_!" he hissed, feeling his hand starting to shake. She had just _hung up_ on him! And she would not pick up Reno today, no, she just dumped him on Axel for another day!

With a loud growl he threw his phone away, watching it hit the wall and fall to the ground beneath in pieces. Oh, how dare that brat talk to him like that! That she had even tried to say it had been his fault Reno had been alone…

For a moment he was tempted to scream as loud as he could, but he quickly whirled around instead when he heard a door behind himself open and close again. His eyes fell on Roxas, who just looked at him sternly.

"You're really lucky Reno is a heavy sleeper," Roxas said quietly, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Axel gasped and threw both hands over his mouth, even though he knew it was too late. Damn, how loud had he yelled? Reno was already sleeping… Reno…

"Did he… Did… Did he hear…" he stammered, feeling his strength leaving his body at once. He fell into the chair Roxas had occupied earlier. His eyes were burning, as was his throat. He blinked, feeling tears of shame fill his eyes. Oh no… Now he really had fucked up…

"No," Roxas assured him, walking over to the pile of books on the floor and bending down to pick them up. Without looking at Axel, who still tried not to cry out of shame, he put them back onto the shelf tidily. "I just checked on him. It's a miracle because you _were_ pretty loud, but apparently he's still sleeping like a baby."

"I'm sorry…" Axel whispered through his hands.

"What for? He's sleeping," Roxas repeated. "And I've heard people yelling a few times already…" He also picked up the parts of the phone. "And if I understood everything you yelled correctly you had every right to do it. But that's only my opinion…"

"I can forget about my exam now," Axel groaned and let his head drop back onto the backrest. He stared up to the ceiling, still feeling both angry and desperate. "She won't pick him up today…"

"I could bring Reno over to Sora," Roxas announced and put the pieces of Axel's phone onto the desk. He sat down on the swivel chair in front of the desk, still concentrating on the phone instead of looking at Axel, who, in turn, now stared at him, thoroughly confused. "My cousin. He works at a day care not far from college, you know?" Roxas added. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind one more kid if I tell him it's an emergency." He shrugged, clicking the battery in place and closing the phone. He put it down onto the desk and finally turned around to look at Axel. "Your final starts too early, but I can skip my first class to drop him off there. If that's okay for you."

Axel could just stare at him utterly speechless. He didn't know what to say. He knew he should thank Roxas somehow, but no words came out when he opened his mouth to speak. He could just sit there and be grateful for the weight Roxas had lifted off his shoulders…

"I can never repay you for that," Axel finally answered hoarsely.

"Hm…" A small smile found its way onto Roxas' face. "How about you call it a day and try to sleep for a few hours?" He leaned forward a little, reaching out to touch Axel's face. Only one finger grazed his skin, just below his right eye, but Axel had to suppress a shiver at the slight touch. Damn, was his body feeling _tingly _all of sudden…

"You look awfully tired," Roxas added gently, still smiling so… weird. "And those bags under your eyes don't suit you at all."

"I…" Axel stopped himself when he noticed how raspy his voice sounded. He nervously pulled back, breaking the contact between them. He reached out for one of his books on the desk to hide his nervousness, but his hand shook so badly Roxas _had_ to notice. "I have to study some more. For tomorrow," Axel still claimed, and he hoped Roxas would not notice how fast his heart was beating.

How was it even possible that Roxas had this effect on him? He knew Roxas was watching him, and the thought alone made Axel feel uncomfortable and nervous. He knew he didn't want to study anymore, but right now he wasn't sure if he could trust himself around Roxas. The younger man looked so adorable in the dim light the lamp on the desk emitted…

Wait! What was he thinking? He had to study, he couldn't allow himself to be distracted like that…

"But I can see you're tired," Roxas insisted and reached out again, this time combing through Axel's spiky hair with his fingers. It was just a small touch, and yet Axel's eyes closed and a quiet sigh escaped him when the tingly sensation inside his belly intensified tenfold for a short moment. He even dropped the book, but still his mind screamed at him to stop Roxas and get some work done as long as there was still time…

"I'm not tired," he replied, barely audible.

"Come on, it's no good if you fall asleep during the final," Roxas tried again, but this time Axel just swatted his hand away when Roxas tried to touch him again.

"Out!" he commanded, surprised at his suddenly strong sounding voice. He pointed at the door. Roxas glared at him for a moment, then rose from the swivel chair with a miffed pout and left the room.

Axel allowed himself a deep sigh as soon as Roxas closed the door behind himself before he switched to the swivel chair himself and flipped his books open again.

But then the door opened again, and Axel barely had enough time to whirl around before Roxas slammed both hands down onto the desk… trapping Axel between them rather effectively. A devilish smirk graced his face.

Axel had seen something in Roxas' hand, so he turned to take a closer look at it… and immediately looked away again when he realized what it was Roxas held.

"I thought I told you to go outside?" he said as calmly as possible. Which wasn't that calm at all, considering Roxas was very, very close to him. So close, in fact, that Axel could smell the clean, light scent of his shampoo, so close he could nearly feel Roxas' nose touching his. And Roxas was still grinning wickedly. Axel couldn't help but close his hands tightly around the armrests of his chair. It was all he could do not to grab Roxas and…

"You never said I couldn't come back in," Roxas purred, raising one hand to run it through Axel's hair. Axel shivered, but forced himself to take a look at the items Roxas had left on the desk. He had to have seen wrongly…

Nope. He hadn't.

He gasped surprised when Roxas' hand closed tightly around his bright hair and pulled at it to force Axel to look at him again. Roxas didn't leave him any time to react before pressing his lips against Axel's mouth.

It took Axel some time to overcome the shock, but even though he briefly thought of pushing Roxas away, his body wouldn't do as told. Instead his shaking hands laid themselves onto Roxas' slim hips, and his mouth opened to respond to the kiss.

He was way too occupied by Roxas' skilled tongue dancing inside his mouth to notice Roxas moving forward, he didn't even notice the blond man straddling him on the chair until he felt the smaller man's weight settle on his lap. He was just glad he could hold onto Roxas more tightly this way, and without thinking he moved his hand to the small of Roxas' back to push him even closer, his other hand finding its way into soft, blond spikes and pulling harshly. Roxas' loud, surprised gasp turned into a moan when Axel kissed his way down Roxas' throat.

Axel didn't know why he responded like this to Roxas' ministrations… to _Roxas_, but right now he wasn't willing to fight against the feelings of want and need and lust coursing through his veins. He just gave in, only turned around with Roxas in his arms to clumsily rise from the chair and lift the smaller man onto the desk before their lips met again in another heated kiss.

He could feel Roxas grin against his lips, and he could hear his books falling to the floor when Roxas swiped them from the desk to give them more room.

"I see," Roxas panted against Axel's lips between wet, sloppy kisses. "You really… aren't tired…"

"No…" Axel replied before moving to bite down onto the junction between Roxas' neck and shoulder none too gently. The choked cry he was rewarded with only intensified the liquid heat spreading in his body.

Again Roxas grabbed a handful of Axel's hair to force the redhead into a kiss. But before Axel could even respond, Roxas' soft lips moved and left butterfly kisses all over his face and neck, finally closing over his earlobe.

"I can think of a way to make you tired," Roxas whispered into his ear, without a warning closing his legs around Axel's hips to pull the redhead as close as physically possible. Axel groaned loudly and let go of Roxas to brace himself against the desk, feeling Roxas' slender, hot, pliant body grinding against his in the most sensual way he could ever imagine.

"Oh, _do_ you?" he panted, determined not to lose their little verbal exchange just because of… of… Oh _God_, how was he supposed to keep thinking if Roxas was rolling his hips against Axel's like _that_? The pressure, the friction, the heat was unbearable…

"It worked last time," Roxas said, and Axel shuddered when he felt Roxas' soft lips connect with his neck, something warm and wet sliding up his sensitive skin. And then Roxas' mouth hovered right over his ear once more, his voice even huskier than before as he continued to torture Axel, promising so much pleasure and bliss and _touch_ and _feeling_… "You fell asleep so quickly after we did it… You were so exhausted after I… took care of your… _excitement_…"

Axel felt hot blood rush to his already flushed face, and he opened his eyes to stare at Roxas, thoroughly shocked. He tried to come up with a witty reply, opened his mouth… and forgot how to talk at all when suddenly Roxas' hands were under his shirt, sliding over his skin, up and down his back… It was a touch as light as a feather, and the mere feeling of it drew a low moan from the redhead.

Oh hell. He couldn't even be flustered about the innuendos about their first time Roxas had made. This was way too… breathtaking… and… _arousing_… to think of anything other than touching and kissing and breathing and tasting and…

"Don't you want to try it again?" Roxas asked sensually, all of a sudden pulling his hands back again. Axel almost whimpered at the loss of contact, leaning forward a little, his mind drowning in the overwhelming desire Roxas' promising words and touches and looks caused. He was stopped by a hand on his chest, and he blushed heavily at the sly smirk on the blond's lips.

"Don't you want to… feel my hands caressing your skin again…" Roxas emphasized his words by slowly letting his hand glide lower, though not as low as Axel would have liked. But he made up for that by grinding his hips against Axel's again in that slow, sensual way that made Axel's whole body grow so deliciously hot. "… touching you… _everywhere_… while you kiss me, and touch me, and make me moan… and then, when you push inside me slowly, again…" He ground against Axel once more, almost making the redhead's knees buckle because of the mind-blowing pleasure it caused. "… and again…" He repeated the motion, and Axel couldn't hold back a low hiss as their groins rubbed against each other most sinfully. "… and _again_…" This time it was Axel who snapped his hips forward, and he was rewarded with a low, drawn-out sigh. Oh God, and Roxas just wouldn't stop _talking_… "… _deeper_… _harder_… _faster_ with every thrust… I'll cry out your name, just like last time…" He leaned back, bracing himself on the desk he was sitting on and letting his head roll back as he closed his eyes, lips parting as he demonstrated exactly how that had sounded like. "Aaaaah… mmmmmm-… yes, Axel, _Axel_…"

Axel could only watch him helplessly, paralyzed by the erotic sight and sound of Roxas moaning his name. His eyes followed Roxas' hand as the blond slowly dragged it over his own body, starting at his lips, down his throat, his still clothed chest, abdomen, and another lovely moan fell from his parted lips as he let his fingertips slip just past the hem of his pants.

And then he _stopped_, and Axel could have _cried_ out of frustration.

"Oh… I forgot…" Roxas opened his eyes again, smirking at Axel lazily. He pulled his hand out of his pants and licked his rosy lips in a way that promised pure _ecstasy_. "You still have to _study_…"

Axel gawked at him dumbfounded, his jaw dropping slightly.

That… little… _tease_!

Roxas' taunting grin was like a cold shower… Well, fine, not quite, because Axel's pants still felt way too tight around a certain area; but at least he didn't feel like his brain was temporarily unavailable because of sensory overload anymore.

He felt his left eye twitch as Roxas' smirk widened, and for a moment he could have killed the blond… But then he remembered something. Something rather strange… Oh, _interesting_…

Keeping his eyes fixed on Roxas he grabbed one of the items Roxas had left on the desk before, dangling it in front of Roxas' eyes. He smirked at Roxas' suddenly reddening face. And he knew that now the healthy color on Roxas' cheeks wasn't only caused by arousal.

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" he asked slyly, and his desire for the other man even intensified when Roxas returned his smirk with one of his own, blue eyes half-lidded seductively.

"No," Roxas answered, and Axel loved how sensual and throaty his usually clear voice sounded. "I always have one of these with me. Just… in case."

"In case of… what?" Axel inquired, and he noticed his hands were already shaking with anticipation. Oh, he yearned to continue what Roxas had started, images of their last night together already flitting through his mind, and he felt his heartbeat speed up slightly… But he _needed_ to get back at Roxas for being such a damn tease before.

"In case…" Suddenly Roxas' hands were on Axel's belt, and the redhead's grin quickly changed into a shocked expression. Damn, he always forgot how bold Roxas was. How could someone who looked so innocent just act so… _wicked_? "… there is the chance…" Roxas slowly pulled at the black leather, every now and then brushing against the coarse fabric beneath. Axel sucked in a sharp breath when he did that, feeling a little embarrassed about his rather obvious arousal. Roxas just smirked and added, "… to fuck a handsome guy like you."

Oh, _hell_ yes!

"Horny bastard," Axel growled, but he was smiling when he said it, not feeling abashed or nervous at all this time. He couldn't say he didn't like Roxas' great foresight. "But… Cherry Vanilla?" he added, slowly leaning forward again and trapping Roxas' busy hands between their bodies. Both he and Roxas were panting like crazy, he noticed.

"Until I find Sea-Salt flavored lube and condoms," Roxas confirmed and leaned back just a little to free his hands. "And you're just as horny, asshole."

"So true," Axel sighed, and without a warning he grabbed Roxas' shirt and pulled it over the blond's head to expose his lean, tanned chest. He smirked at Roxas' dumbfounded expression.

_Oh, payback is a bitch! _

"Now…" he breathed into Roxas' ear, pressing one flat hand against Roxas' bare chest to slowly push him down onto the desk. He just loved the feeling of Roxas' smooth skin beneath his hands. He leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss onto the heated skin just below the smaller one's ribs while his hand moved lower to caress a taut stomach. Roxas jerked beneath him, and a strangled moan fell from his rosy lips. Axel decided he loved that sound as well. He _needed_ to hear it again. "… what were you going to do…" he added and kissed Roxas' belly again, this time just above the navel, while his hands moved even lower, long fingers hooking in the belt loops of Roxas' pants. Another shiver, another moan, another reason for Axel to continue. "… about my lack of tiredness?"

"I think… you got the idea," Roxas panted, his eyes closed, his head turned to the side. His hands found their way into Axel's hair again. "Just… go on."

"Gladly," Axel replied hoarsely. And go on he did; but slow, ever so slow, admiring and caressing every part of Roxas' eager body, worshipping every moan and cry that came from Roxas' lips. He tasted the sweetness of Roxas' mouth and the salty flavor of his skin; he felt the younger man's pulse race beneath his skin when he kissed a path down his throat, felt his muscles jerk and shiver when he touched him everywhere he could; he heard Roxas curse him for teasing him, and moan his name right afterwards; he saw tanned skin glisten with sweat, saw blue eyes closing in bliss and perfect lips parting to whisper his name again, and again, and again, urging him on, pleading, cursing, needy, angry, breathless…

And Axel knew he would never be able to share Roxas with anybody else.

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**Quick Note: **What? It wasn't graphic or anything.

A big thank you to my beta again - she liked all the dirty talk at the end a lot, which is the main reason why I decided to extend the ending of this chapter a little. So, if you like it too, go and thank her for making me write it.

Despite my lack of reply (for which I'm really sorry), reviews are not ignored, but very much appreciated. Thank you for reviewing! No, thank you for reading this at all!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** ... Cuteness. X__X

**Disclaimer:** ... Do I _have _to?

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love! _(Haven't heard from you in ages, BTW. Hope you're okay!)_

* * *

_"Gladly," Axel replied hoarsely. And go on he did; but slow, ever so slow, admiring and caressing every part of Roxas' eager body, worshipping every moan and cry that came from Roxas' lips. He tasted the sweetness of Roxas' mouth and the salty flavor of his skin; he felt the younger man's pulse race beneath his skin when he kissed a path down his throat, felt his muscles jerk and shiver when he touched him everywhere he could; he heard Roxas curse him for teasing him, and moan his name right afterwards; he saw tanned skin glisten with sweat, saw blue eyes closing in bliss and perfect lips parting to whisper his name again, and again, and again, urging him on, pleading, cursing, needy, angry, breathless…_

_And Axel knew he would never be able to share Roxas with anybody else._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 8**

Two things were wrong when Axel woke up again: It was way too early for him to wake up, judging how dark it still was outside; and he felt like his arms shouldn't be empty. Which was a bit strange, he admitted that much. Usually he was just fine to wake up to hugging his pillow, but this time he felt like he should be holding something… someone else.

He groaned and turned around to lie on his back, forcing his eyes open. Wait… that wasn't his bedroom…

Hadn't he had this epiphany this week already?

Oh, yes. Reno. Reno was sleeping in his bedroom, and that's why he slept on the couch, and…

He shot up with a loud gasp, eyes wide and his heart racing as he took a quick look around.

No, there was no sign of Roxas anywhere in his living room. And the kitchen was also still dark.

But the scent of cherries and vanilla still lingered on his skin, and it made Axel blush with embarrassment. A quick look under the thin blanket confirmed his suspicion of being naked, and for a terrifying moment he wondered if Reno had heard anything…

But the door to his bedroom was still closed, and the boy hadn't even heard Axel yell at Ariel the night before; and Roxas had made sure he kissed Axel every time one of the two men had grown too vocal during their… activities…

Oh dear… His study had to look like a mess now…

Axel sighed quietly. His eyes had grown accustomed to the dim light quickly, so he decided against turning on the lights when he rose from the couch to stagger to the study on still unsteady feet. One quick look assured him that Roxas was also not in this room, but the smell of cherries, vanilla and sex was overwhelming in here. The smell wasn't even that unpleasant, but still Axel didn't know whether to be appalled or aroused by it. And by the images which suddenly emerged from his still sleepy mind.

Roxas, Roxas, and again Roxas… his pretty, boyish face flushed, his blond hair even more disheveled than usual, his tanned skin looking so pale in the moonlight (after they had knocked down the lamp; Axel winced and prayed Reno hadn't heard that)… Roxas, moving in perfect sync with Axel, his hands holding onto the other man as if he was afraid of letting go… Roxas, biting down on the back of his own hand to keep quiet while Axel pounded into his tight heat…

A little embarrassed Axel closed the door again. Damn, a few weeks ago he had been straight, independent and always in control… and now he started his day with daydreaming about having sex with a man.

To say he was confused would have been the greatest understatement of the fucking millennium!

And to add to his confusion… Roxas wasn't there anymore.

Feeling down and dejected all of sudden, Axel turned to go to the bathroom. He hissed a curse when he turned on the light, which burned like needles in his eyes. A look into the mirror didn't help his bad mood either; the bags under his eyes seemed to compete with his tattoos color-wise, his usually vibrant eyes looked quite as dull and weary as they felt, and his hair was a mess. His whole appearance was a mess, to tell the truth. And to his horror Axel noticed several marks on his pale skin, on his shoulders and around his collar bone; blushing heavily he remembered Roxas making them the night before…

Well, had he really thought Roxas would not want revenge for the bite marks Axel had left all over Roxas' body? But the night before those marks hadn't felt so… _violent_.

Axel still examined himself in the mirror, narrowing his bright eyes at his too skinny frame, his too pale skin, while thinking at the same time.

He wasn't accustomed to waking up alone, he thought. Usually he had been the one who sneaked out of his girl's bed, but it had never before been the other way around. And it would have felt nice to wake up to Roxas' sleeping face…

He shook his head and ran both hands through his spiky hair, groaning softly.

He didn't understand why Roxas had just left like that! Without saying anything! What did it _mean_? Hey, it had been Roxas who had seduced him, right? And…

Again he looked at his reflection in the mirror, and he could see his face fall and his eyes widen slightly.

Shit… Hadn't Roxas promised him to take care of Reno? But… Axel didn't even know where the day care he had talked about was, or if he had the time to bring Reno there himself, or…

"Shit…" he whispered, feeling even worse than before. Great. Now he really could forget about his exam.

* * *

A quick shower freed him of the cherry vanilla scent, but did nothing to ease his mind. Axel still tried to come up with a way to get to his exam in time, even though he knew he would not be able to come up with a plan this fast. Lost in thought he walked over to the door to his bedroom, only remembering there was supposed to be someone in there when he switched the lights on…

… and froze when his eyes fell onto a very empty bed. His mouth fell open, the quick apology he had wanted to offer Reno for waking him so rudely forgotten.

No Reno. Just a neatly made-up bed, but no sign of a three-year-old boy with hair as red as Axel's own…

But just when Axel was about to freak out, he heard the door to his apartment open and close. And to his indescribable relief he could hear a small child's voice yelling a joyful "Good mowning, Axeeeeeey!" into the apartment.

He whirled around just in time to see Reno bouncing into the living room, dragging a small backpack with him and opening his mouth to say something, but closing it again when he noticed the couch was empty. He looked around, finally noticing Axel at the bedroom door and beaming at his uncle again.

"Axey, look! Woksas gave me a pwesent!" he yelled enthusiastically, tugging the green backpack behind him as he ran over to Axel. He presented it proudly, pouting when he noticed his uncle made no attempt to look at the present. Axel fell to his knees instead, quickly pulling Reno, who squeaked surprised, into a tight hug.

"Where have you been, Reno?" Axel whispered, his voice still shaky from the shock of finding his bed empty, with no trace of his baby nephew.

"You'we all spotty!" Reno chirped cheerfully, ignoring Axel's question and poking one of the very visible hickeys on Axel's neck; the older redhead felt his face heat up until he was sure it matched the color of his hair, but subsiding panic and shock and relief overpowered his embarrassment easily.

"_Where have you been_, Reno?" he ground out again, his voice now shaking with barely suppressed anger.

"Shopping," the boy answered confused. "Why are you _nekkid_?"

Axel was aware he was only wearing a towel, but he didn't respond to Reno's question. Instead he grabbed the boy's shoulders and shoved him away to look into his eyes. But before he could scold the child, another voice spoke up at the entrance.

"Yeah, maybe you can live on bread and peanut butter, but I suggest something else for breakfast," Roxas said cheerfully, placing two bags on the TV table and leaving the room again to take off his jacket and shoes. "At least for Reno. Right, Reno?"

"Yo!" Reno shouted enthusiastically, wiggling his way out of Axel's suddenly weakened grasp.

"And now I need a big boy to help me," Roxas exclaimed, picking up the bags again.

"I can help!" Reno replied eagerly, suddenly appearing at Roxas' side. He grabbed the blond man's pant leg with both hands, pulling at it anxiously. "I'm a big boy!"

"Okay," Roxas said, and Axel could see he was fighting to keep his expression serious at Reno's beaming smile. Roxas leaned down a bit, pointing at the TV. "You have to watch Winnie the Pooh for me then. And you have to tell me everything that happens when we have breakfast. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure I caaaaaan!" Reno squealed, hopping onto the couch to sit in front of the TV. He giggled excited when Roxas turned on the TV, but quickly fell silent, nodding along with the theme of the popular show. He seemed to forget about the grown-ups in the room at once.

Roxas gently ran his hand over Reno's bright hair before he walked over to the kitchen door. He gestured for Axel to follow him, and Axel obediently followed.

He watched Roxas pull stuff out of the bags, barely noticing what it was, until Roxas threw him an amused look.

"Not that I mind seeing you naked," Roxas chuckled, grinning when Axel warily grabbed the towel to hold it in place. "But why _are_ you still naked?"

"Because I just came from my shower and nearly had a heart-attack when I noticed Reno wasn't in my room," Axel explained dryly.

"I left you a note at the door, you know," Roxas retorted calmly. "I guess you didn't get that far yet."

"No," Axel said, feeling both relieved and a bit angry at Roxas. Couldn't he leave that note on the TV table next to the couch? That would have saved him _some_ brooding…

"Reno woke me about an hour ago," Roxas continued, turning around to lean against the counter behind him. He smirked when Axel flopped down onto a chair, no longer bothering to hold onto the towel. It slid a bit lower, nearly exposing Axel to the other man in the room. Axel was pleased to see Roxas' eyes flit a bit lower and the younger man bite his lip in that adorable way of his… He almost forgot to be angry.

"So, why didn't you wake me then?" he all but purred, watching amused as Roxas' face took on a rosy hue. Roxas quickly turned around, but not without giving Axel a satisfied smile himself.

"Maybe I hoped for a chance to molest you in your sleep while Reno was eating breakfast," Roxas replied smoothly.

"…what?" Axel breathed not quite as smooth.

"It's pretty easy to confuse you like that, isn't it?" Roxas added, and Axel could _hear_ his teasing grin. "Nah, I just wanted to let you sleep a bit longer. Thought you needed sleep, what with your exam today and all…"

"Right…" Axel sighed.

"So I wanted to make Reno some breakfast, but since there's nothing edible here I took him with me shopping instead," Roxas explained while he started to stack the bought items away. Suddenly he winced and fished something out of his pocket, carelessly throwing it over to the table. Axel reached out and managed to grab the thing before it hit the table. He was surprised when he recognized his own keys.

"I hope you don't mind I took them," Roxas said without looking at him. "Oh, and I bought him that backpack and some stuff for him to survive in Sora's day care."

"_Survive_?" Axel asked and raised his brows questioningly.

"Well…" Roxas turned to smile at him briefly. "Children here in Twilight Town are easily convinced of liking a new child if you give them enough sugar."

"Sweets, huh?" Axel supposed.

"Sure." Roxas nodded. "Believe it or not, I was a kid myself a long time ago…"

"I bet you were a sweet little boy, weren't you?" Axel said and smiled, leaning forward a little. His smile only widened when Roxas started to laugh, highly amused. He should try to make Roxas laugh more often, Axel thought. He was quite a beautiful sight when he laughed…

"Me? I was a brat!" Roxas corrected him between fits of laughter. "If it hadn't been for Pence and Olette, Hayner and I would probably have been in deep trouble more than once…"

"Oh, come on. What kind of trouble could you possibly get into in this sweet little town?" Axel snorted.

"Let's see, skipping classes, almost failing high school, stealing sweets from the store, skateboarding on the street…" Roxas grinned while he listed his crimes, but his smile widened even more when he added one more. "Almost burning down school."

Axel had to admit he was intrigued now.

"Twice," Roxas added when he noticed Axel's curious expression. Axel couldn't help but grin.

"So? That's nothing," Axel claimed, leaning back again. And again he had to grin when he noticed Roxas' eyes were immediately drawn to his nearly exposed body again. He didn't know why, but he enjoyed those greedy looks. "I nearly burned down every school I was forced into."

"Really," Roxas replied, sounding rather unconvinced.

"I had some trouble with… pyromaniac tendencies when I was younger," Axel explained smirking.

"Really?" Roxas repeated, but now he sounded more interested than before. "And you didn't get caught?"

"Why, I _did_ get caught once or twice," Axel admitted, and he could feel his smile grow colder at the memory. "The first time Daddy, also known as 'High And Mighty Chief Justice Triton Oumono', managed to bail me out of it. The second time…" He shrugged dismissively. "The second time I was sentenced to two months of social work. And a therapy, of course."

"Why couldn't he get you out of that too?" Roxas asked quietly. "You said he was Chief Justice…"

"He didn't even try." Axel looked up to the ceiling. He knew his voice was growing more and more distant the longer he talked about his father, but he couldn't help it. "Said I had to learn my lesson."

"Well…"

"I know he was right," Axel interrupted Roxas' hesitant try to defend his father's actions. "And my punishment wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. But I was _fourteen_. I just didn't know it better then."

"Okay," Roxas said, and just like that the topic was dropped.

They both stayed silent for a while, until Roxas spoke up again.

"I suggest you get dressed already," he said quietly. "I'll make breakfast, and then we have to go."

* * *

Heavenly odors filled the whole apartment only moments later, when Axel returned to the kitchen from his bedroom. He didn't believe his nose at first, only when his eyes delivered the same message to his brain: _Pancakes_!

Reno was already seated in one of the chairs, sitting on three cushions from the living room and watching Roxas with a grin that threatened to split his little head in half. Axel noticed the boy was wearing one of his old shirts; one of those he used for painting usually. It looked quite funny on the three-year-old, like an oversized night-gown. The table was already set, and maple syrup, chocolate sauce, honey, peanut butter and whipped cream were placed in the middle. Roxas was still busy at the stove, flipping a pancake just when Axel entered the room.

"Sit down," he ordered, and Axel immediately obeyed, still dazed by the mere thought of _real_ breakfast… When had been the last time he had eaten pancakes?

"Look, look!" Reno squealed delighted, fidgeting in his seat. "Axey! Panny-Cakes!"

"Yeah," Axel agreed mesmerized, feeling a grin as wide as Reno's lighting up his face.

"Reno, you remember our deal, right?" Roxas asked sternly when he turned around, one small plate filled with pancakes in his hand. Axel chuckled when he noticed his nephew's face fall.

"Yo," Reno muttered, looking down at the table. "Hav'ta eat healthy stuff."

"Right," Roxas agreed, but the serious expression on his face gave way to a small smile at Reno's cute pout. "You only get two pancakes, and you have to eat fruits afterwards."

"Bleh!" Reno made and struck out his tongue. "Dun like fwuits!"

"But you do like blueberry pancakes, right?" Roxas asked while he put Reno's plate in front of the small boy. Reno stared down at it sadly, the mere mentioning of healthy stuff spoiling the pancakes for him.

"Yo…" he all but sniffed, fidgeting with Axel's t-shirt.

"This is just like it then!" Roxas exclaimed cheerfully and turned around to grab a bowl from the counter to place it next to Reno's plate.

"What's that?" Reno asked, eyeing the bowl suspiciously.

"Blueberries," Roxas answered.

"Noooooo, bluebewies aw _in_ the pancake," Reno protested.

"Nooooo, they are fruits. And they grow on bushes, just like raspberries," Roxas objected while putting some maple syrup onto Reno's pancakes and starting to cut them up into small pieces.

"Noooooooo, raspbewies aw in lemonade!" Reno insisted stubbornly.

"Noooooo, raspberries are berries, so they are fruits. Just like blueberries. And you promised you'd eat fruits," Roxas explained, and Axel had to admire him for staying so calm the whole time. It was like he worked with children all the time…

"But fwuits dun grow on bushes. They come from the _su-per-maw-ket_!" Reno ranted.

"Oh dear…" Roxas sighed and shook his head.

"Reno, just _eat_ them," Axel finally interfered after watching them argue for a while. As entertaining as that was, he was hungry, and the pancakes were smelling delicious…

"But…" Reno piped up, but Axel shook his head.

"You promised, right?" he asked strictly. "You know you have to keep a promise."

"Alwight," Reno huffed and took one blueberry from the bowl. After examining it for what seemed like a minute, he slowly put it in his mouth, grimacing like he expected it to taste terrible… but slowly his face relaxed visibly, and the frown gave way to a surprised expression. The two men in the room watched as the small boy slowly reached out to grab another handful of the berries and stuffed them into his mouth, of course leaving dark red juice all around his mouth and his small hand. And then, with concentration written all over his small face, Reno took more berries and dropped them onto the pancakes, then grabbed a small piece of berry-covered pancake and stuffed it into his mouth.

"That's not healthy," he finally declared and happily continued munching on his blueberries.

"Do they really count as fruits?" Axel asked quietly when Roxas sat down next to him and placed his dish in front of him.

"Sure," Roxas answered just as quiet. "Full of antioxidants and stuff."

"Why didn't you just put them into the pancakes?"

"Because that's gross. It ruins the whole health factor. Like this, they are at least healthy."

"Yeah, especially in combination with syrup-covered pancakes…"

"You're the one to talk. All he gets when you're making breakfast is peanut butter." Roxas eyed Axel's dish, which had already been added a fair amount of chocolate sauce. "How can you stay so skinny when you eat like that?"

"Good genes?" Axel suggested and took the first bite…

"Why did you sleep wiv Woksas on the couch, Uncle Axel?" Reno suddenly piped up, innocently munching another handful of blueberries.

Axel almost choked on that first bite. He coughed violently, hiding his face in a napkin to hide how red it had just become. Had he heard right? Had Reno really heard them?

"We slept on the couch so you could have the bed, Reno," Roxas explained unblinking and took a sip from something that Axel quickly identified as coffee. Oh… coffee… He remembered his own cup and took a sip to soothe his suddenly raw throat. It didn't help that much, seeing as the damn coffee was still scalding hot.

"And why were you nekkid?" Reno persisted, now looking at Roxas with big, questioning blue eyes. Again Axel had difficulties to keep his coffee down.

"Because it can get very hot when two grown-ups sleep together," Roxas replied grinning. He didn't even have the decency to blush when he said it! Axel groaned and hid his face in his hands. Suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore…

"Oh." Reno nodded understanding. "But next time Axey can sleep together wiv me in the bed. You didn't look very comfy on the couch."

"Oh, _I_ was very comfortable there," Roxas mumbled into his mug.

"Thanks, Squirt," Axel said a bit louder without taking his hands from his face. Rats! He just hoped the boy wouldn't talk about that with his mom…

* * *

After the delicious breakfast Axel had to hurry to gather his stuff, while Roxas took care of getting Reno clean. Still recapitulating some of the data he had learned the day before, Axel had to stop for a moment when he threw a quick look into the bathroom; Roxas had somehow managed to get Reno out of the dirty t-shirt without getting any blueberry juice onto Reno's clothes, which was admirable in Axel's opinion, and was just trying to wash Reno's face. The small redhead seemed to have made it his goal for the day to make it as difficult as possible for Roxas, talking and jumping around and shrieking every time the wet washcloth touched his face. Axel chuckled when he noticed hand-shaped smudges of blueberry juice on both of Roxas' cheeks.

Roxas looked up to him, narrowing his big eyes a little. Reno took that as a sign to wrestle himself free and flee the hated washcloth. He almost ran into Axel when he finally decided to help Roxas a little.

"Stop right there, Squirt," he said quietly, looking down at Reno. Reno shrieked, only now noticing his uncle standing in the doorframe. But he stopped, still giggling breathlessly. "Are you being difficult again, Reno?"

"No, he's not," Roxas immediately protested, but Axel silenced him with a stern look.

"Reno?" he asked again, crossing his arms in front of his chest and tapping his fingers against his upper arm.

"'mnot," Reno muttered and pouted, shuffling his left foot.

"Hands away from your clothes," Axel warned him when he noticed Reno was trying to mimic his own stance. "Go and wash them."

"But you havta help," Reno insisted, raising his small hands over his head, as far away from his clothes as he could.

"Sure thing, Squirt," Axel agreed and smiled, careful not to let Reno touch him with his tiny, sticky hands when he picked him up. "Apologize for being difficult, will you?"

"But he wasn't…"

"Sowwee, Woksas!" Reno screamed cheerfully, interrupting the blond man from disagreeing with Axel again. Axel shifted the small boy so he could hold him with one arm, turning on the water and adjusting it to the right temperature with the other before he held Reno so the small boy could reach it. Reno's pink little tongue peeked out between his lips in concentration as he rubbed his small hands under the warm jet of water, only to stretch and reach for the soap. He rinsed them again, proudly showing them to his uncle.

"Face," Axel said calmly, and Reno quickly scrubbed the remaining blueberry juice off his little face with the washcloth Roxas handed him slowly. When Axel deemed him clean enough, he sat down on the rim of the bathtub, sitting Reno on his knee. He took the wet cloth from Reno, carefully removing the last traces of juice. Reno stayed still, staring up to Axel with wide, adoring eyes.

"Here, all done," Axel said, and now he allowed his voice to grow softer again. He smiled, nudging Reno's little nose with his own playfully. "Who's my clean little Squirt now?"

"I aaaaaaaaaaaam!" Reno shrieked enthusiastically. He laughed loudly when Axel hugged him closer for a moment.

"You aaaaaaare," Axel confirmed, laughing as well when Reno tried to hug him back. Reno's slightly wet hair tickled his face as the boy pressed a wet kiss onto Axel's cheek.

"Now go and get your backpack, okay?" Axel said smiling, tapping Reno's nose with one finger. He placed Reno on the floor, carefully adjusting the goggles resting on his bright hair. Reno nodded, beaming at his uncle before he tried to dash out of the bathroom. Axel held him back gently.

"I'm sorry I didn't have more time for you, Reno," he apologized to the child, who looked up to him confused. "I had really important grown-up-stuff to do. You understand that, right?"

"You were _busy_," Reno clarified, nodding deadly serious.

"Yeah," Axel agreed, chuckling when Reno's expression changed from serious to beaming in the blink of an eye. "You're not mad at me, right, Squirt?"

"No, playing wiv Woksas was fun too," Reno exclaimed and grinned broadly. "You're still the bestest uncle in the world."

"That's what I wanted to hear," Axel laughed and let go of Reno's arm. And with that, the boy was gone in search for his treasured backpack.

Axel watched him until he was out of sight before looking up to Roxas again from his sitting position. Roxas had already gotten rid of the handprints on his face, absently wiping his left cheek with the wet cloth before dropping it into the basin. He leaned against the wall behind him, fixing Axel with a thoughtful look.

"What?" Axel asked, feeling a bit irked by that look.

"That was…" Roxas seemed to search for the right word, grinning when he found one. "… _disturbingly_ cute."

"Oh, shut up," Axel growled a bit embarrassed; to hide it he tipped a finger against his left cheek. "Get rid of the blueberries before you talk." He smirked when Roxas wiped his cheek again, blushing profusely.

"You sure you're not his father?" Roxas asked out of the blue after a quick look into the mirror to check his appearance. "He looks like a mini-you."

"Would be a bit weird, since his mother is my sister," Axel replied, but he felt his face heat up a little at Roxas' question. And judging by the small smirk gracing Roxas' lips, the blond had noticed his blush. "You have a sick, sick mind, kid."

Roxas sneered at the 'kid', but kept smirking. "Ah, but do you _know_ your sister is his mother, not some poor girl you dumped about four years ago, who couldn't afford raising your clone and asked your sister to cover for her so your son could at least be near you?"

Axel blinked at him, completely at a loss for words for a moment in the face of such vivid imagination. But he frowned when Roxas started to chuckle into his hand, and he felt his face heat up even more.

"First: Reno doesn't look that much like me, and second: I was there when he was born, so shut up," he snarled.

"Yeah, wrong eye color and no tattoos, that's about it," Roxas retorted, but then he tilted his head to the side, his expression growing less amused, more curious. "You were there?"

"Who else? Reno's father?" Axel huffed. He didn't even know why he told Roxas all this. There was something about the blond that made him spill secrets he had never told anybody else before… "Ariel had a fight with our father back then and came to me, dragging that dick along… He ran away as soon as she went into labor, so I had to bring her to the hospital. Worst hours of my life so far." He shuddered at the memory; him holding his sister's hand while she seemed determined to _break_ it and popping his eardrums by screeching on top of her lungs… Wow, and the stench of blood and sweat and, and _stuff_ in the room… Well, he could safely say he could feel with all the young fathers who fainted during the ordeal. He hadn't even seen anything (he had been biting his free hand the whole time to keep himself from screaming along with her, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to block out her shrill cries of pain), but it was enough to make him wish he would never, ever have to endure this hell again.

"That was nice," Roxas said, hesitating only slightly before he added, "It didn't seem like you two were that close when you talked to her yesterday…"

"We aren't," Axel muttered. "We were a bit closer back then, but she really only came to me because I had been the only one who had ever rebelled against our father before. Well, but as soon as the nurse there tried to force me to take the baby, the father waltzed into the damn room and apologized with tears in his eyes. The nerve of that guy…" He shook his head. "Of course she took him back, and he convinced her they should crawl back to my father and beg for forgiveness to get some money for the baby. They did, he gave them money, Douchebag took it and left her and Reno. End of story."

"Wow." Roxas seemed unsure what to say.

"So, as you can see I can be _pretty_ sure that Reno is not my lost lovechild," Axel added sourly. "Dumbass."

"What does that…" a small voice piped up from the door, and Axel let his head drop into his hands with a loud groan. Of course Reno had to choose exactly this moment to return, dragging his small backpack behind himself, sucking his thumb.

"Nothing you should know yet, Reno," Roxas chuckled.

"Is it a baaaad word?" Reno questioned, big blue eyes shining.

"Yeah, but Axel has already used up almost all of his bad words," Roxas explained, glancing at Axel.

"Used up?" Reno repeated confused.

"Don't you know about the bad word limit?" Roxas asked surprised, and when Reno shook his head slowly he explained, "Well, you can only say so many bad words in your life before you lose your voice, you know."

"I lose my voice?" Reno shrieked worried.

"Oh, just for a week or so, and only if you say bad words too often. But after you used up the limit, every time you say one of those you'll lose your voice for a week. And you know, if I were you, I'd save them for when I'm old," Roxas replied and smiled.

"Oh. Okay," Reno said, tilted his head to the side and started to suck on his thumb again. He only took it out to ask, "And how many bad words has Axey left?"

"About ten, I'd say." Roxas smirked at Axel, who pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed quietly, shaking his head. Oh well. He had to admit the bad word limit was a good idea.

"Then you shouldn't say them anymore, Axey!" Reno cried, skipping over to his uncle and grabbing his arm, shaking him lightly. "You'll lose youw voice!"

"Yeah, thanks Reno," he muttered, rubbing his eyes wearily. "Are you ready? We have to…"

"… run, in fact," Roxas finished for him. "At least _you_ should, if you want to get there in time."

"Great," Axel mumbled and jumped up, picking up Reno and running out of the bathroom. Roxas followed them quickly. They were out of the apartment in no time, and Axel hugged and kissed Reno goodbye before he all but shoved the child into Roxas' arms.

* * *

**Quick Note: **... Disturbingly cute, indeed. ::smiles:: Man, I miss the times when I was still able to write meaningless fluff...

::facepalm:: God, I made Roxas such a _Mommy _there!

Pfu. Well. Yeah, two updates in a week? I have to say I'm a bit surprised myself (mostly about the sudden update of PM, but well. Things happen.). Anyway. I'm not allowed to mention my beta here anymore ::pouts::, so I won't. IF SHE STOPS FANGIRLING OVER ME AS WELL! Well? WELL? I KNOW YOU CAN'T DO THAT, _SALEM_, SO DEAL WITH IT!

Anyway. Hope you enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Pfffffff... nothing, really. Mild swearing?

**Disclaimer:** Riiiiiiiight, no. Those characters? Belong to SquareEnix and Disney respectively. I'll tell you when I take over either of those companies. Storyline? Is mine, but not that original, anyway.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_"… run, in fact," Roxas finished for him. "At least __you should, if you want to get there in time."_

_"Great," Axel mumbled and jumped up, picking up Reno and running out of the bathroom. Roxas followed them quickly. They were out of the apartment in no time, and Axel hugged and kissed Reno goodbye before he all but shoved the child into Roxas' arms._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 9**

To Axel's enormous surprise (and relief), he made it to his exam on time. He was rather surprised when he realized he was one of the first students to show up until he realized Roxas had to have told him a wrong time so he would hurry up a bit.

He used the little time he had to calm down again, and he surprised himself at how well he did on the exam itself. It wasn't at all as difficult as he had expected it to be. He knew he was grinning when he left the room again, attracting strange looks from his fellow students, but he didn't care. For once he was feeling happy here in college, and he wasn't going to let that be taken away from him again.

He even saw Roxas in the hallway once; Roxas was with other people, so he didn't dare to approach him, but as soon as Roxas noticed him he made his way over to Axel and told him Reno was alright and safe in the day care. He also asked Axel how he had done on the exam before he had to hurry to his next class. They agreed to meet up at the gates after Roxas' last class. Axel would have to wait for half an hour.

His classes for the day went over quickly, and for the first time Axel actually took part in the discussions, making his young professors sweat with sophisticated questions or answers. He also called Zexion during one of his breaks to take the day off. After his classes were over he left the building, sitting down somewhere to enjoy the warm sunlight outside while he waited for Roxas. He was feeling like whistling; it was a nice day, his final was over, and soon he would go and get Reno and maybe spend some time with him before…

"Axel!"

He looked up startled when he heard his name being shouted all over the small plaza. It had been a female voice, but…

He bit down on the inside of his cheek when he noticed the woman heading straight for him, shoving other students out of her way roughly. A raven-haired guy followed her. She was wearing sunglasses again, of course; this time the hood had been replaced by a hat to cover her hair.

He briefly thought of running away and hiding, but decided against it. So he just sighed and leaned back, greeting her with a weak smile.

"Hey, Ar-"

"Why the _hell_ are you here?" she bawled, ignoring all the people around them staring at her already. "Where is Reno? How dare you to leave him alone! I told you to watch him one more day!"

Axel felt a frown draw his brows together. Glaring at her he rose from his bench and stepped forward.

"Reno is fine," he answered, forcing his voice to stay calm. "I asked a friend to take care of him."

"Why didn't you just stay at home?" she screamed, roughly brushing her lover off when the raven-haired man, Eric, tried to touch her arm to calm her down a little. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Exam, Ariel," Axel forced out through gritted teeth. "Today was one of my finals. Did you even _hear_ what I said yesterday?"

"I don't care about your stupid school!" she fumed. "God, Axel, you're so unreliable! I needed you just for a weekend, and you…"

"Shut the fuck up," Axel said, surprised at himself for still staying so calm. He balled his hands into tight fists.

"No, you shut up!" she ranted on, her pretty, pale face flushed with anger. "You and your study shit! Can't you just be there for the family for once?"

"Shut it, you brat!" Axel yelled suddenly, and Ariel took a small step back, her mouth forming a surprised little 'o' as she watched her brother's eyes take on a murderous gleam. "I told you I didn't have time to watch him! My 'study shit' is important to me! I know you can't understand that, since you didn't even finish high school…"

"So what?"

"Shut the fuck up," Axel shouted. "Yes, my studies _are_ important, and you can't just interfere with my life like that!"

"I just asked for a weekend!"

"You didn't ask! You dumped him on me! And it's Monday, in case you didn't notice!"

"You always liked watching Reno for me!"

"I do! I do like watching Reno, but you have to ask me first! Do you even know what that is, asking? Do you know what the word 'please' means?"

"Don't yell at me! You don't have the right to yell at me like that! Stop yelling!"

"Stop being a spoiled, selfish, ignorant bitch, then I'll stop yelling!"

"Oh, you _asshole_!"

"Brat!"

"_Loser_!"

"Why am I even _talking_ to you?"

This was getting way out of hand, but Axel didn't even think of stopping their fight. He looked at his sister, his cute little sister, the youngest out of eight children, who had always been spoiled by his father, and he still saw nothing but a girl. She wasn't a woman; she wasn't a mother. She was still only nineteen years old, way too young for all the fame and money, way too young to care for a child. She had never learned how to deal with life. Their father, their sisters and Axel himself had always helped her, she had never had the chance to learn how to be on her own or how to think about anybody but herself… She had always been the sweetheart of the whole family, but right now Axel wished he could go back to give her a good lecture about responsibility…

"Ariel, stop it," Eric suddenly spoke up, holding her back when she moved to step forward, raising her hand as if to slap Axel.

"What's going on here?" another voice added confused, and when Axel threw a look back over his shoulder, he noticed Roxas approaching them slowly. Eric was quietly talking to Ariel, who still stared at Axel through her ridiculous sunglasses, her whole little body shaking; and Axel knew he was looking still pissed, but he didn't possess the strength anymore to change that. He just turned his back on Ariel demonstratively, crossing his arms.

"Don't turn your back on me, Axel," Ariel hissed. "We're not done yet. Where is my son?"

Roxas looked at her, then at Axel, who still made no attempt to turn around or even answer. He raised his brows at Axel, but only got a miffed huff and a scowl in return.

"You… must be Ariel," Roxas finally said, and slowly his eyes travelled from Axel to the small woman again. He cautiously outstretched his hand. "My… my name…"

"I don't care," Ariel hissed, and for a moment Axel was _so_ close to turning around and slapping her. How dare she to treat Roxas like this! "Don't you see we're busy here?"

"Reno, he's at my cousin's," Roxas tried to explain, still very careful and quiet. "At a day care not far from here. If you want to, I'll show you the way…"

"Oh." That got her attention. "So you left my child in the hand of some strangers?" That question was for Axel again, but he still did not turn around.

"You don't have to be worried, Sora… my cousin, he's really good in his job…"

"Oh, I don't doubt that. Still, Axel…"

"It was all my idea," Roxas clarified. "I told him I would take care of Reno for him today."

"I don't care whose idea it was," Ariel exclaimed angrily. "I want my baby."

"Here, I'll show you the way…" Roxas said, and Axel felt a cautious hand pluck at his sleeve. He turned and followed the blond without even glancing at his sister and her lover.

* * *

Roxas led them to the day care, a quite big, multicolored house surrounded by a huge garden where dozens of children ran around, crying and laughing and having fun. Two men were out in the garden with them; Axel thought he recognized the brunet, Sora, having seen him with Roxas in the café a few times. The other one was about Axel's age, with dirty blond hair styled oddly like a mullet or something.

"Hey, Sora," Roxas called out when he opened the gate, raising a hand and waving when the brunet looked up, holding a small blonde girl in his arms as he straightened up.

"Roxas," he greeted his cousin, eyeing up the other visitors. "You're here for Reno, right?" He looked at his co-worker, briefly nodding at him. "Could you take the kids inside, Demyx? And get Reno for me, would you?"

"Sure thing," the guy with the mullet exclaimed. "Alright kids, it's time to go inside! Who's first to tackle Riku or Nami wins!" The children cheered loudly and immediately vanished through the doors inside, followed by Demyx. Sora put the girl down, who hurried to follow her playmates, and turned to look at his visitors again.

"You must be Reno's parents, I assume?" Sora said and smiled, looking at Ariel and Eric.

"I am his mother," Ariel replied stiffly, taking a look around and ripping her sunglasses from her little nose. "Say, are there only guys working here or what?"

"Oh no, just me, Demyx and Riku," Sora explained calmly. "Other than that there are Naminé, Yuna, Rikku, Paine and Selphie who look after the children." And when there was no answer for a while, he added, "So… Reno is a very nice little boy."

"As if I care about your opinion," Ariel sneered, and Axel, who had held back and not said a word, was tempted to smash her head against the nearest wall. Their mother had taught them better manners than that, he thought seething with rage. His fingers dug deeply into his arms, causing pain to shoot through them. But he still held back, watching Ariel making a fool out of herself.

"I see…" Sora exchanged a pointed look with Roxas, who could only shrug helplessly. They all stayed silent for a while, waiting for Demyx to return with Reno.

"Uh, my name is Eric," Ariel's lover finally tried to break the awkward silence, offering Sora his hand. Sora took it briefly. "I'm the boy's… stepfather, you could say. Ehm… Thank you for taking him in on such short notice, it was an emergency, you see…"

"What, another dentist appointment?" Axel growled, but looked away when everyone stared at him.

"No problem," Sora replied, turning to look at Eric again. "I'm glad I could help. He's an adorable little boy."

"He is, yeah," Eric said quietly, and then they fell silent again.

Finally the door opened again, and Demyx emerged, holding Reno's hand. The small redhead was looking back, waving wildly and laughing before he turned around. He was beaming, his eyes shining and a broad smile splitting his face nearly in half. It even widened though as he noticed who was waiting for him.

"Mommy!" he screamed, his childish voice even higher than usual. He ripped his hand out of Demyx's and sprinted over to the woman, who spread her arms to pull him into a warm, welcoming embrace.

"Reno, baby, there you are!" she cried out, smiling down at the small redhead fondly. "I was so worried about you!"

"I played wiv so many kids, Mommy!" Reno immediately started to babble, reaching up to pull at her jacket. "And Nami and I drew a picture fow you, and, and Demy sang wiv us, and…"

"Excuse me…" Demyx interrupted them, smiling nervously when Ariel looked up at him. "I didn't mean to interrupt, but… aren't you Ariel Kaji?"

Ariel froze, and Axel hated her for it. Oh, she _wouldn't_…

"I… Yes, why?" she admitted, but she hurried to get her sunglasses back on her face.

"Oh, I love your music!" Demyx exclaimed happily. "I have all your albums, and I was at two of your concerts, and… Uhm… I just… never knew you were a mother…?"

No, officially she wasn't. Ariel had always hidden Reno from the public and the media. Sebastian had told her that the boy didn't fit her image of a successful pop princess.

"I…" Ariel started, clearing her throat nervously. But then she smiled, back to full pop-princess mode again. "Oh, no, you're mistaken, I'm just…" She threw a quick look at Axel, who was still watching her, green eyes narrowed; she quickly looked away again. "I was just… I wanted to help my brother a little, you see. He's a single father, and I thought he could use someone to look after his little boy here, because he's so busy with his studies lately and all…" She beamed at Axel, silently pleading him to play along. "Right, Axel? I just wanted to help you a little with Reno…"

Axel felt his lips stretch in a mirthless sneer, and he watched the smile on her face fade quickly. It was almost frightening how calm he suddenly felt. He had thought he would explode on her if she ever tried a stunt like this on him, but here he was, listening to her all but disowning her adorable little son, who was staring up to her confused, but was smart enough to stay quiet, because he had already learned his Mommy had to say strange things to strange people sometimes; and he felt nothing but cold, tired calmness, and he didn't even wonder about it anymore.

He unfolded his arms and stepped forward, averting his eyes to look at his nephew instead of his sister, leaning down to ruffle Reno's red hair. Reno looked at him, still confused, but smiled at him now.

"Bye, Squirt," he said tenderly, kissing Reno's forehead and gently adjusting his goggles again. "If there is anything you need, if there is anything I can do for you, just give me a call, okay?"

"Okay," Reno agreed, his small voice barely above a whisper.

Axel left without even looking at Ariel.

* * *

Back home he flung his bag into a corner, shrugged off his jacket and immediately got to work. If he had ever needed his anger painting, it was now. His eyes were burning while he worked, but never feeling wet or teary.

His hand moved slowly, ever so slowly, careful and cautious, trying to make every line, every angle, every curve perfect. There were dark buildings looming over a dark street; shadows filling the alleys, dark clouds covering the sky. It felt eerie, it felt wrong, it felt perfect and it felt right. Axel's mind shut down.

When his thoughts cleared again he was sitting on the couch, staring at the painting with wide eyes. There was a child now; a child sitting near one of the buildings, with shadows looming over it. A child, knees drawn up, arms hiding the face, hair red like fire.

Axel sucked in a sharp breath, throwing his arms around his torso in an awkward self-hug. He felt so cold all of sudden, or why else was his body shaking so much? His hands, his paint-colored hands, he barely could hold them still…

He was panting, he noticed; and still he was staring at the child, and he was almost sure the child was himself, lost in shadows and alone.

His hands flew to his throat, his breathing hitched; he needed to do something, he couldn't leave the child like this, without a family, alone, it wasn't right. It wasn't _right_! He couldn't leave him alone!

He jumped up, shaking like a leaf and panting and gasping for air, searching through his assortment of paints, absently touching the painting with two fingers. It was dry enough already (How many hours had he sat there, just staring, how many? He couldn't remember…); he wouldn't smudge it if he painted over it…

He needed to add something, someone else; and they were dressed in white, kneeling next to the child, arms outstretched, but not quite touching; blonde hair, spiky and tousled and swept to the side, and blue eyes, like the deepest summer sky. Pure light, glittering and chasing the shadows away, emanated from this new figure. It was basked in light, immersed in it when everything else around was drowned in shadows, even the child. But the new character protected the child, like… like an angel, or something.

He stumbled back again, forcing himself to look away when he collapsed onto his couch again, panting heavily and staring straight ahead, away from the painting.

Oh God why? Why did his youngest sister have to be such a brat? Why did he never manage to make her see how wrong she was? Why did she never remember what their mother had told them about how to behave? Why couldn't she love Reno as much as Axel did? The boy needed his mother, not a nanny, not his toys. How could she not see that? Oh why, why why why _why_?

He groaned, burying his face in the fabric of the couch, which still reeked of cherry vanilla. He wanted to scream so badly, but he barely had the strength to breathe left. He was drained, utterly spent, exhausted by his anger. Nothing was left. He couldn't even throw away the picture this time.

Slowly his erratic breathing calmed down, and only now he realized he was hearing something. The doorbell. At this time? It was already dark outside. Or was it _still_ dark? But for all he knew whoever it was could have been ringing the doorbell for hours without him noticing. It wasn't the most unusual thing that had happened to him in this state, after one of his anger paintings.

He contemplated staying where he was for a moment, but decided against it. He didn't even know why. He didn't want to see anybody right now, but still his tired body hoisted itself from the couch and trudged over to the hallway, a hand grabbing the handle of the door.

Weary emerald met worried cerulean when he opened the door. Axel blinked a few times, narrowing his eyes at Roxas.

"What?" he asked, and he winced at the ragged sound of his own voice.

"I tried to call, but you didn't answer your phone, so…" Roxas tried to enter his apartment, but this time Axel blocked him with an arm. "Axel…"

"What do you want?" Axel asked huskily, leaning forward until his eyes were on same height as Roxas'. "Want to hear more family stories? Huh?"

"No, I…" Roxas leaned back a little, a slight frown now drawing his brows together. As he stood there, in the dim light of the hallway, his deep blue eyes shining and his pouty lips parted slightly… Axel was tempted to lean forward just a little more and kiss him hard, because he _knew_ that would make everything better.

"What do you want to hear this time, _Roxie_?" he spat acidly instead, glowering at the blond in front of him. "Would you like to hear how my sister became a famous popstar?"

"I was worried about you," Roxas said slowly.

"Worried about me?" Axel repeated and threw his head back, laughing loudly. "That's rich! You were worried? Why, did you think your good connection to Ariel would break off if I was sulking in my apartment instead of apologizing to her? No, of course I should apologize right now…"

"I don't care about…"

"What is it then? My father's money and prestige? I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not on speaking terms with him…"

"I don't care about your father either!"

"What the hell are you here for then?"

"I told you, I was worried! I came here because of you!"

"To see if you'd get a good fuck out of it?"

The last words were spoken with venom, and for a moment Roxas fell silent, his face paling deadly white. In his messed up state Axel took his silence as a sign.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he chuckled manically, leaning forward again, taking in the clean scent of Roxas' hair and thinking of kissing him again. "You wanted to see if I needed to be '_comforted'_, didn't you? And then you were going to comfort me, with help of the condom and the lube you carry around all the time… _God_, I must be such a great fuck for you to come here…"

"No, you asshole," Roxas whispered, his hands balling into tight fists. "I came here because I thought you needed a friend."

"A friend," Axel echoed and laughed again. "Of course, a friend, my good friend Roxie, who isn't interested in my famous sister or my wealthy family or a quick fuck, nooooooo. Perfect little Roxie just wanted to talk, right? Well, news for you!" He narrowed his eyes again, the taunting sneer on his face vanishing in the blink of an eye. "There is nothing I want to talk about with _you_."

And then he shut the door.

The door bell didn't sound again.

* * *

**Quick Note: **Ha, don't you all love it too when you find already beta'd chapters on your laptop, and then remember that they'd been there for months? I do. I love it. Like, really. I _think_ I wanted to update before my bachelor's examination, but well... it must've slipped my biotech-stuffed mind then. Anyway... There's not that much happening here, anyway, I know, but, my dears, you can put your mind at rest - the next, uhm, six? ::counts, nods:: Six chapters have been written in a fit of inspiration over the last few weeks, so hopefully you'll get to read some more soon. And then this will be finished. Hopefully.

Ah, and all of you who read this: Thank you so much for your support! I know I've been lazy with replying to reviews, but my studies aren't getting any easier, and they don't leave me with much free time (I'll have lectures until the 23rd, 7 pm. Sucky.). So please don't be upset if I don't reply, I'll still appreciate every single review!

Oh, and if I don't get to update before: Merry Christmas!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Sex. And it's non-consensual. I guess the M-rating is justified after all.

**Disclaimer:** Like I was creative enough to make up original characters. Why do you think I write _fanfiction_?

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_"A friend," Axel echoed and laughed again. "Of course, a friend, my good friend Roxie, who isn't interested in my famous sister or my wealthy family or a quick fuck, nooooooo. Perfect little Roxie just wanted to talk, right? Well, news for you!" He narrowed his eyes again, the taunting sneer on his face vanishing in the blink of an eye. "There is nothing I want to talk about with __you."_

_And then he shut the door._

_The door bell didn't sound again._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 10**

Axel woke up with a headache, cramps in his neck and shoulders, and dry paint all over his hands the next morning. He briefly thought of staying at home, but decided he would give the world a try today.

He couldn't look at the picture sitting in the corner yet.

College was hell for him to sit through, and when he had to change rooms between classes he caught himself searching the crowd of students in the hallways for golden, spiky hair. He didn't see Roxas anywhere though.

At work he tried to forget about everything that had happened, but his own words haunted him until he was on the verge of crying. Why had he been such an asshole? Roxas had only tried to help…

A flash of gold at the front of the store caught his attention, and he quickly looked up only to see Roxas staring at him, hatred and disgust filling his beautiful eyes. He was holding a book in a hand, but he dropped it quickly, leaving the store without a word.

Axel forgot how to breathe for a moment, guilt and shame cutting off his air. But he ignored his boss' question and just picked up the book, placing it back in the shelf and shuffling back to the back of the store to continue working. He wasn't in the mood for customers.

He didn't even want to look at the café when he passed it after work, on his way home, but his eyes were drawn there regardless; he looked through the window front, and of course, there he was again. Roxas was obviously arguing with Sora, gesturing wildly and clearly pissed off, scowling when Sora said something in return. Axel quickly ran away.

A few days later Axel saw Roxas again, this time in college; he wanted to go over and talk to him so badly, but he couldn't. Cursing his foolish pride for keeping him from apologizing, he left again. Back at his apartment he spent hours staring at the painting without seeing anything other than the blond angel protecting the red-haired child.

* * *

A strange pattern developed between Axel and Roxas; every time they met Axel would feel the urge to apologize, but when Roxas noticed him his eyes would take on this murderous expression; and Axel would hold back, feeling miffed that Roxas was still so mad at him, and they would part without saying a word to each other. Axel stopped going to Kairi's café, even going as far as making a detour that took him about ten minutes longer to reach his apartment, just because he feared he would see Roxas there, and Roxas seemed to turn around and hurry into another direction every time he noticed Axel in the hallways at college.

But Twilight Town was such a small town, and they couldn't avoid each other forever. Two weeks after their fight Roxas seemed to give up on trying to run away from Axel and settled on ignoring him instead. And more and more often Axel would see Roxas with… other people. There were those friends he had already met once; Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and every time Axel watched them (and he _had_ to watch, he had no choice; he didn't want to, but his damned eyes just wouldn't move anymore whenever he caught a glimpse of Roxas' golden hair), he would see Roxas laugh with them as if nothing had happened. As if Roxas didn't care about the fight he and Axel had had.

Then there was a silver-haired guy; diabolically handsome, athletic and lean and flawless and absolutely gorgeous, so gorgeous every man in his immediate vicinity had to develop a serious inferiority complex. And he was smiling at Roxas all the time, and they were talking a lot, and Axel wanted to strangle the silver-haired bastard until his pretty aqua eyes popped out of his head.

And there was a blonde woman, about Roxas' age, very beautiful and gentle and calm. The way Roxas smiled at her was making Axel's heart ache in a very weird way; that smile, it made his mind make up pictures of Roxas and the woman kissing and holding hands, he could see them at a wedding and dancing, then with adorable blonde and blue-eyed children, because they were looking so _perfect_ with each other. He could just picture them living in a clean little house in the suburbs with their 2.6 children and a dog.

And yet he couldn't stop watching.

He needed to see Roxas smile from time to time, and he knew the blond wouldn't smile at him anymore after what had happened between them. Even though Roxas was smiling at the wrong persons, like Silver-haired Bastard or Blond Sweetheart, it was better than the hateful scowl deforming his gorgeous face every time his eyes grazed Axel. Even though Roxas acted way too friendly with those strangers in Axel's opinion, he couldn't stop watching him through the shelves in the bookstore, or in the hallways at college.

Until that one day he saw something that made his heart shatter into pieces.

He had noticed Roxas enter the bookstore earlier on with Blond Sweetheart, and he couldn't help but follow them to the shelves in the back of the store. He tried to act casual, just glancing at the two of them discussing a book when he passed the shelf, but he knew he was failing horribly when suddenly his eyes met cerulean blue; Roxas had spotted him spying on them, and a gruesome smirk suddenly stretched his full lips.

And then he pulled the girl closer; his hand gently caressed her fair hair, her pale cheek, her slender neck, making her gasp and visibly shiver, and look at him with questioning eyes; and then he kissed her, right on the lips, dropping the book to wrap his arms around her slender waist. His eyes never left Axel's as the redhead kept staring at them.

Axel could feel his heartbeat slowing down at the sight of Roxas' hands on _her_ body, his lips on _her_ mouth; at the surprised gasp he caught the blonde utter, and the unholy mirth dancing in cerulean eyes. And he thought it was wrong, his and Roxas' relationship had never been like _that_; they had been fuck buddies, not more, he tried to tell himself, _friends with benefits, _but deep down he knew he didn't want anybody else to kiss his cute little blond, or to touch him like they had touched; he wanted Roxas for himself, he wanted Roxas to smile at him and nobody else, he wanted to wake up next to him, so he could spend hours just watching the blond sleep; and he almost wept, because he would never ever have that, because he had _fucked it up so badly_.

Mechanically he turned around, heard Blond Sweetheart whisper Roxas' name in wonder, and walked away, trying not to feel so despaired and sick and weak.

* * *

He tried to forget about it; tried to tell himself it wasn't important, that he was overreacting, that he should leave Roxas alone, that he had never felt for Roxas this way and was just jealous because he had always been the jealous type. It wasn't important. Okay, so he had fucked it up this time, he would get over it, no problem…

So he found himself wondering why he was standing right outside Roxas' apartment now, pounding on the door and fighting against the urge to break the fucking thing down. Why was it that the thought of Roxas being with someone made him seethe with blind rage? Oh, of course he had always been a rather passionate person, but never before had he lost control like this. There had been women, gorgeous and willing to please, alluring as they could be, whom he had dropped because they had just _looked_ at other men, and it had never been as hard as this.

But when Roxas opened the door, the buttons of his shirt undone halfway, showing his slightly tanned, athletic chest, blue eyes widening at the sight of the distraught redhead, Axel knew why this was so much harder. Because no woman could ever be as _right_ for him, no woman could ever be as goddamned beautiful, sensual, and perfect as this blond guy in front of him.

"Axel, what…" Roxas started, and at the sound of his voice, his sweet voice saying his name, something inside Axel snapped. He lunged at the smaller man, grabbing his shoulders and crushing their lips together in a longing, desperate kiss. He ignored Roxas' surprised reaction, the weak attempts to defend himself against Axel, just shoved him back, into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind himself before he shoved Roxas up against the nearest wall and closed his lips over Roxas' again, never giving the blond a chance to speak.

Roxas tried to break away from the kiss, gasped for air, but Axel just grabbed his chin and turned his head around again while still holding Roxas' shoulder with the other. His mouth found Roxas' again, and he swallowed Roxas' protesting whines easily, taking the chance to let his tongue dart out and get a taste of Roxas' mouth. He felt Roxas shiver, heard and felt him moan, and he tilted his head to change the angle between their connected mouths, pressing harder against Roxas' still unresponsive lips. His hand slid down, over soft, smooth skin, his fingers brushing over a sensitive nipple and lower, and again he felt Roxas shudder beneath his hands.

Both his hands grabbed hold of Roxas' shirt now, ripped it open to expose Roxas' skin to the cool night air, and again he ignored small hands trying to keep him from going further. He bit down onto a pouty lip, drawing another groan, and moved to place harsh kisses along a graceful neck, feeling Roxas' pulse race beneath his skin. He was high, drunk, intoxicated by touching, smelling, tasting Roxas, and he couldn't stop. He grabbed Roxas' hands and pressed them against the wall, feeling a victorious smirk grace his lips as Roxas' head fell back against the wall, exposing his vulnerable throat to his tormentor.

"W-What are you… _annnh_… do-… doing?" Roxas moaned, and to punish him Axel bit down on his naked shoulder, savoring the strangled cry that fell from parted, swollen lips. He licked the bite mark to soothe the pain, and he felt Roxas' resistance grow weaker and weaker.

He didn't answer, thinking it was rather obvious what he was doing. Instead he pressed his whole body against Roxas', groaning at the temporary release the friction on his lower anatomy caused, smirking again when he felt Roxas tense up at the touch, his hands closing tightly around Axel's. He could hear and feel Roxas panting against his ear, and the sound and feel of it was breathtaking.

"No relationship," he growled, and he felt Roxas freeze, his breathing stopping for a second. "No commitments. This is just about sex, right? We have a deal, Roxas, and I want to take you up on your offer now."

He continued to kiss his way down Roxas' throat, his hands leaving Roxas' to trail over his small body, but he hurried to grab Roxas' hands again when he suddenly felt them on his shoulders, pushing weakly. He held both hands securely against the wall over Roxas' head with one of his own, grabbing Roxas' hair with the other and forcing him into another long, deep, and probably quite painful kiss, crushing Roxas between himself and the wall again to keep the smaller man from fighting against him.

"Stop struggling," he breathed huskily, his shivering lips brushing over Roxas' skin and down, over his jaw and throat to suck at his pulse point briefly. "We have a deal."

"No, we haven't," Roxas hissed, but couldn't hold back a moan when Axel's hand started to roam his naked torso again. His shirt had been all but ripped off his body at some point. "S-stop it…"

"I don't think so…" Axel replied in a low whisper, now letting go of Roxas' hands again to let both his trembling hands slide up and down Roxas' sides, or to rub those rosy nipples with his thumbs, still suckling and biting a special point on Roxas' neck that made the small blond squirm and writhe.

"I don't… I-I don't w-want… that…" Roxas groaned, but instead of pushing, his hands now closed around Axel's hair, his head tilting to the side to grant Axel better access to his sensitive throat and his hips grinding tentatively against Axel's. Axel smirked when he felt Roxas' rather obvious arousal pressing against his own through their pants.

He snapped his own hips forward harshly, pressing them hard against Roxas', who let out a choked cry.

"You sure want it, you dirty little _slut_," he growled and repeated the motion, but this time Roxas made no sound, just a sharp intake of breath was heard. "You can't wait to get some. You can't wait to have my dick up your ass…"

"Get away from me," he heard Roxas hiss, his voice still shaking, but not only out of arousal anymore; pure venom dripped from the spat out words. But he couldn't, and Roxas' half-hearted attempts at shoving him off didn't convince him that the blond had really meant his words. No, his body was talking an entirely different language; his skin was flushed, his angry eyes glazed over with lust and his breath coming in ragged gasps and pants.

"Don't think so," he rasped out again before he captured Roxas' lips in another kiss. He chuckled when Roxas tried to bite him and pulled away again, but this time he pulled Roxas with him, and Roxas barely resisted; they stumbled into the bedroom, and Axel shoved Roxas down onto the bed. Roxas tried to get up again, but Axel was already over him, pressing him down into the mattress with one hand on his chest; he leaned down and gave one lovely pink nipple an experimental lick, for which he was rewarded with a heated moan.

They'd had sex only twice so far, and Roxas had been the more active partner both times. This time Axel was determined to find every spot on Roxas' body that would make the small blond squirm.

Feeling Roxas relax beneath him, he let his free hand wander down an unclothed chest, loving how Roxas' abs jerked as he brushed over them ever so lightly. It didn't take him long to rip the button of Roxas' jeans open, and without bothering to wait for the blond to realize what he was doing, he shoved his hand down his pants and boxers to grab the quite apparent erection waiting there.

Roxas' eyes widened impossibly, and he gasped for air, his face taking on a delicious shade of red quickly. His slim hips jerked up into Axel's hand, and Axel moved it slowly, feeling the soft skin, like velvet, and feeling the heat in his hand and unable to hold back a small groan at the sight of Roxas' flushed face. If that wasn't the most arousing sight he had ever seen…

"S-Stop it," Roxas whined, but in spite of his words he raised his arms over his head, arching his back to offer more of himself to Axel with a quiet moan. His incredible eyes slid shut, his face was a mask of pleasure and shame. His hands buried themselves in his honey-colored hair, his lean chest was heaving.

Axel ignored his weak protest and quickly grabbed hold of Roxas' jeans and boxers, pulling them down his thin legs and carelessly throwing them away.

"Don't… please…" Roxas whispered, eyes still closed, and he tried to hide himself from Axel's eyes, trying to curl up on his bed. Axel crawled over him again, still fully clothed, forced Roxas' knees apart and settled between his bent legs. He took one wrist to hold it down while his other hand briefly touched Roxas' face. It startled him to feel wetness on those flushed cheeks, but he wouldn't let that stop him. He knew Roxas wanted it, he knew he needed it, and he wouldn't stop now, not now…

He rocked his still clothed erection against Roxas', and this time Roxas cried out loudly, keeping his eyes closed. He raised his free arm to cover his eyes with it, biting his lip, turning his head to the side when Axel tried to kiss him again.

Axel frowned, but still pressed a gentle kiss onto Roxas' wet cheek, tasting salt. His hand moved down again, long fingers closing around engorged flesh and pumping slowly, once, twice, three times… Roxas met each movement with a weak thrust of hips, a gasp, a strangled sound… Axel refused to recognize those sounds as helpless sobs. He knew Roxas was enjoying it, dammit! He held the proof of it in his hand!

But he needed more, and soon… Desire was pulsing though his veins, and with every touch, every whimper from Roxas' rosy lips it grew until it felt unbearable. He didn't even bother to shed his clothes, just ripped his pants open and shoved them down enough to free his throbbing erection, pressing flesh against hot, stiff flesh and making Roxas cry out again when he closed his hand around both arousals and started to pump again. He groaned and cursed loudly, starting to rock against Roxas and feeling the blond reiterate the movement.

He let go of Roxas' wrist to support his own weight, so he wouldn't crush the smaller man, and he secretly hoped Roxas would come to his senses and help him a little down there, but Roxas just laid his other arm over his eyes as well, still trying to keep his voice down and holding back the pleasured gasps that fell from his mouth from time to time. Axel gazed down at his face, taking in the wet trail of tears and the way he was still biting his lip, but he couldn't stop the fast, jerky movements of his hand, felt sticky liquid gather on the tip of his arousal as well as on Roxas', moistening the smooth, velvety skin.

"Roxas…" he groaned the other's name, but Roxas just turned his head to the side again. It almost _hurt_ when Axel let go of their joint members, but he never ceased the rocking of his hips against Roxas'; they rubbed against each other in the most sinful way, slick and disgusting and wet and right, Roxas' quivering thighs squeezing Axel's waist as the smaller one wrapped his legs around Axel's body.

Axel almost faltered, but then reached out again, to the drawer of the nightstand next to the bed, searching for the lube he knew Roxas was hiding there. He pulled the small tube out of the drawer, flicking the lid open with one hand.

Roxas lowered his arms a little, suddenly freezing.

"No…" he gasped, trying to reach for the tube of lotion. "Not that! _No_!"

Axel held the lube out of the smaller man's reach, but was forced to drop it as Roxas seriously started to struggle against him. Axel tried to calm him down again, tried it by kissing down the whole length of Roxas' throat, by giving one of his sensitive nipples a good suck, but no avail; Roxas' hands closed in his hair and pulled, forcing Axel away from his small body.

He wouldn't have that.

With a feral growl Axel grabbed both of Roxas' hands, pushed him back again, then grabbed his hips and turned the smaller man around, onto his stomach, pressing up against him from behind, twisting one arm onto his back until Roxas cried out in pain. His free hand groped over the pillow and the headboard, with no possibility to actually touch Axel. Satisfied with his secure hold on the blond Axel reached for the lube, squirting a good amount of it onto his free hand, the other one still holding Roxas'.

He let his slick fingers wander over Roxas' exposed behind, feeling the hot flesh jerk away from his touch. Without a warning he inserted one, then two fingers into Roxas' tight opening, trying to ignore the pained note in Roxas' voice when he screamed.

"Stop acting like a virgin, Roxas, it doesn't suit you," he hissed, closing his eyes at the unbelievably tight warmth around his fast moving fingers. Just to think of replacing them with his hard, throbbing member made the ache in his loins increase tenfold.

He didn't know if he had prepared Roxas properly, nor did he really care when he pulled his fingers out, fisting his member to slick it with the remaining lube. He heard Roxas' voice, he knew Roxas was pleading him not to do it, but the words were so far away; he grabbed Roxas' hip and pulled harshly, his fingers digging into the sensitive flesh. He forced Roxas to his knees, kneeling behind him, still holding Roxas' torso down with one hand twisting an arm.

He groaned loudly when he finally sheathed his member in Roxas' tight, lube-slicked heat, and not even the pained, choked cry Roxas uttered into his pillow could keep him from feeling the utter bliss of being _inside_ Roxas.

He let go of Roxas' arm to hold his hips with both hands, moving without giving Roxas the time to adjust, hips jerking forward, skin slapping against skin, and he didn't care about the pained whimpers coming from the writhing blond, because this felt so good, so slick and warm and wet and _easy_, it couldn't possibly be painful for Roxas.

And yet Roxas still tried to struggle weakly, but Axel gripped his hips tighter, increased the speed of his thrusts, going deeper, trying to feel more, more of Roxas… And suddenly Roxas cried out, but this cry was different, and this time Roxas actually met his thrust, if only very cautiously.

"You… like that… don't you," Axel grunted, and immediately Roxas' voice stilled. "This… is what you… wanted, right?"

"No!" Roxas hissed, but another moan made his statement very unbelievable, and his body continued to rock against Axel' in such a sensual way.

"Admit it," Axel gasped, one of his hands moving to fist around Roxas' weeping erection, thumb brushing over the slick tip and drawing another moan from the blond. He started to pump Roxas in time with his forceful thrusts. "You… wanted… _this_!"

"Annnnh… aaaah, no, I… gnnnaAH! NO!"

"Stop… _lying_!" Axel groaned. Oh God, if Roxas kept moaning like this he wouldn't last long… His hand was already slick with precum, the whole room reeked of sex, and the feeling of Roxas' heat around him was driving him _insane_. Oh, he was close, so close, so fucking _close_ to the edge…

And then a shaking hand closed around his own, forced him to speed up his sinful pleasuring, and Roxas' moans turned into small, strangled sobs as he bucked back against Axel and forward into their joint hands even harder, wilder than before, until he came with an erotic cry, his entire frame freezing for a moment before he resumed, weaker than before, their hands now slick with cum and lube, stiff flesh in Axel's hand pulsating with every thrust as he rode out his orgasm.

To hear Roxas' beautiful voice cry out in such pleasure, to feel Roxas touch himself, to see him throw his head back as he cried out was enough to drive Axel over the edge as well, and just a few thrusts later he let himself go, Roxas' name on his lips as his hot seed filled the other man.

Axel slowly pulled out and collapsed, sitting on his legs and watching Roxas flopping down onto his pillow, and he laid his head back and closed his eyes, feeling utterly content and pleased with himself.

They stayed like this for a moment, both breathing heavily, Axel sitting on the bed and Roxas lying before him. Axel took his sweet time admiring Roxas' naked body, every curve and angle of his lean back, his cute ass, thin legs… and then Roxas turned to the side and curled up, shivering hands running up and down his own arms, as if he was feeling cold.

"Are you cold?" Axel asked dumbly, immediately blushing after the words had left his mouth. Roxas didn't answer, just kept rubbing his arms, staring out of the window. Slowly Axel rose from the bed, pulling up his pants and buttoning them up again, nervously straightening his shirt and jacket before he leaned down to look at Roxas again.

He wanted to reach out and touch Roxas, but he froze when blue eyes turned to look at him. They were as cold as ice.

"Don't touch me," Roxas whispered, and Axel's hand stopped midway between them.

Axel didn't understand why Roxas was looking at him like this. But he knew this look was feeling painful for him; so full of hatred and disgust, just like the past weeks… He hated it, he hated that look…

Roxas sat up slowly, and Axel stepped back a little. He saw Roxas wince and pause for a moment before he dared to sit, and saw him close his eyes briefly; then those beautiful eyes opened again, and they were not looking at him anymore.

"I can't believe you just did that," Roxas hissed, both of his hands fisting in his sheets and eyes closing as he grimaced when he moved. "Get out."

Axel didn't move; he was frozen in shock at hearing the words, couldn't decipher their meaning.

"Get out," Roxas repeated. "Get the fuck out of my apartment."

"But…" Axel started, but quieted down quickly when Roxas glared at him. How could such beautiful eyes be so _cold_?

"I can't believe you!" Roxas repeated, slowly swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and standing up, gasping in pain and pausing for a moment as he did. "Get _out_!"

"Roxas…" Axel tried to calm him down again, stepping forward again… but he was thrown back when suddenly Roxas' fist connected with his face. He cried out in surprise and pain, stumbling back and slamming against the wall, almost knocking over a chair in his wake. His hand shot up to touch his hurting face as he stared at Roxas, his mouth falling open. Roxas was still standing at the bed, his small body shaking and his hands balled into tight fists.

"I can't believe you're still here!" Roxas yelled again, paling beyond white, his face a grimace of anguish and pure rage. "Get out of here! _Get out_!"

Axel straightened again, but made no move to go away. Instead he gingerly touched his sore cheek and nose, looking down at his hand surprised when he felt sticky liquid beneath his fingertips. He gasped at the dark red covering them when he pulled them away from his face.

He wanted to say something about it, but he never had a chance to do so as Roxas punched him again.

His head was jerked around as white pain exploded inside his head, and with a gasp Axel stumbled a few feet before he could hold onto a dresser to steady himself. He blinked a few times to get rid of the black and red dots dancing before his eyes, and he tasted something warm, salty, strangely metallic on his tongue. Licking his lip he felt no broken skin, but he seemed to have bitten his tongue, and the taste of blood was sickening.

"You come here and rape me, in my own home, in my own bed," he heard Roxas' voice through all the blood rushing in his ears, and he instinctively took another step, away from the voice. It sounded deadly calm. With emphasis on _deadly_.

"I plead you to stop, and you don't listen and just go on, and when you're done you don't even have the decency to go away and leave me alone," Roxas continued, his voice growing louder again. Axel gasped as he was shoved forward, through the door to the living room. He was still a bit dazed by the first two blows, so he just stumbled forward a few steps before he stopped again, trying to turn around once more.

"You rape me and don't even feel sorry for it," Roxas suddenly yelled on top of his lungs, and Axel barely managed to dodge another punch to his face, falling to the floor when he tripped, but scrambling to his feet again quickly. "You rape me and keep telling me I like it! You asshole! Get out of here!"

"I didn't mean…" Axel tried to protest, and this time Roxas' flat hand connected with his cheek, once more cutting off his words rather effectively. It didn't hurt as much as the punches before, and yet it felt so much _worse_. So… _final_.

"Go to hell," Roxas said in a low voice, and when Axel stepped back, he could feel the front door in his back. He looked up.

There was Roxas, in all his naked glory, his face flushed and his body trembling. Suddenly Axel noticed so many small, but important details; angry red marks of his own hands on Roxas' hips, trails of cum drying on the inside of his thighs, a dark spot on his formerly flawless neck, a bite mark on his shoulder.

His eyes were… cold. Like dead. Broken. Not teary, no. Just… lifeless, in a way Axel had never seen before.

He turned around and ripped the door open, almost tripping again in his haste to get away from Roxas and his cold, dead eyes. He heard the door being slammed shut again behind him, and he raced down the stairs, away from him, away from Roxas, darting outside, out of the building, and he gasped for air, forcing the sweet night air down his lungs; he fell to his knees, then sat down on the cold ground, and suddenly his eyes were glued to his hand.

His eyes widened in shock as he took in the filth still clinging to his skin; cum and lube creating a sticky mess, and with a strangled scream he tried to wipe it on the ground, now also soiling it with dirt.

'_I didn't rape him!'_ he thought desperately. '_He wanted it! He wanted me! He enjoyed it, he came, he…'_

'… _he pleaded me to stop…'_

Axel froze, breathing heavily, staring at the ground without actually seeing anything.

He had just done something really hurtful and cruel and dumb.

He suddenly felt sick, doubling over as he tried not to throw up here on the pavement, where every moment someone could come and see him, and he felt disgusted and cold and weak, unable to keep his body from trembling. He just sat there and held his soiled hand as far away from himself as possible, his other hand pressing against his mouth as he tried to get rid of the bitter taste of shame and guilt. He spat onto the ground, noticed the blood mingling with salvia and tried not to gag at the sight.

He didn't know how long he sat there, staring at his hand and being eaten alive by disgust and self-hate, but sometime later he found himself looking up to a window that he knew belonged to Roxas' apartment. It was all dark. No light. Roxas was sitting alone in the dark now. Hurt and violated. Because of him. _He had been the one who had hurt Roxas_.

Oh God, he needed to apologize, he had made everything worse, apologize, apologize, he couldn't lose Roxas like this, he…

"Bloody hell, dude," a quiet voice suddenly spoke up next to him. Startled out of his dark thoughts Axel looked up, only to meet aquamarine colored eyes.

Just his luck. Silver-haired Bastard. Probably here to see Roxas. Staring at him, again looking fucking perfect with his long hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, silver bangs falling into his gorgeous eyes.

"What happened to your face, man?" Silver-haired Bastard asked sympathetically. And damn, his voice matched his looks. Dark and mysterious, and sexy to boot, with a hint of an accent. His accent reminded Axel a bit of Kairi. An islander, even though he didn't seem to fit the image of tanned, carefree people spending their lives at the beach.

"I deserved that," Axel muttered, gingerly touching his cheek. Only now he noticed that his eye was swelling shut a little, and the whole left side of his face felt rather hot and hurt like a bitch.

"I see," Silver-haired Bastard replied, seeming not convinced at all. "Listen, I live right here, I could give you some ice for your face or something."

Axel perked up at this; Silver-haired Bastard _lived_ here? What, he wasn't here to…

"You didn't want to see Roxas?" he heard himself ask, and now his voice sounded odd; choked and desperate and… hopeful?

"Roxas?" Silver-haired Bastard blinked confused. "No, I… Wait a sec." Pretty aquamarine eyes narrowed slightly. "You're that Axel guy he talked about all the time. That… that friend of his from the café. What are _you_ doing here?"

Axel overheard the question and jumped up, ignoring the weird look the other man was giving him. He briefly thought of grabbing the other's coat, but decided against it.

"You… don't happen to own a key to Roxas' apartment, do you?" he asked, feeling pretty desperate and stupid as soon as the question had left his mouth. Why should…

"Actually, I _do_ have a key," Silver-haired Bastard said. "Give me a good reason why I should give it to you of all people, after all you did. Roxas is pretty mad at you, you know."

Axel didn't know what to say at first; to tell the truth he felt quite irritated that Silver-haired Bastard not only owned a key, but also seemed to know about him and Roxas.

"Because I have to get back into his apartment," he finally whispered, unable to come up with the good reason Riku had demanded. His mind was just too messed up to think of anything right now. "Because I did something pretty stupid and… need to apologize… Please…" Without giving it a thought he fell to his knees again, this time really reaching out to grab Silver-haired Bastard's expensive looking coat, careful only to touch it with his clean hand. "Please, I just… need to apologize, then I'll leave…"

"Wow, calm down," Silver-haired Bastard said and took a small step back. "Alright, I'll let you in." He paused for a second before he added, "Because Roxas is awfully fond of you, even if he doesn't want to admit it. But… if you hurt him, I'll hunt you down and kill you anyway." His eyes hardened, and Axel didn't doubt one second that this guy _could_ kill him. "Nobody hurts my closest friend's cousin."

"Maybe you should just go ahead and kill me then," Axel muttered, slowly rising to his feet again and looking down to the ground. "Because I already did hurt him."

"Is that why your face looks like hell?" Silver-haired Bastard asked. Axel nodded. "Did you two… have a fight?" He nodded again, winced, almost choked on a pained sob. Not just a fight. But he nodded anyway, because that was the only explanation he could offer at the moment. Silver-haired Bastard would never help him if he knew what he had done to Roxas… "And you _still_ want to go back? To apologize? After being bashed like that by the little guy?"

"I deserved it," Axel insisted stubbornly. "But I have to apologize. _I have to_."

"I see," Silver-haired Bastard mumbled and sighed. "Well. Roxas was very upset last time you two had a fight… At least you are trying to apologize this time." He searched his pockets and pulled out some keys, unclipping one of them and holding it out for Axel to take.

"Thanks," Axel breathed, no longer trusting his voice as he took the key.

"Name's Riku," Silver-haired Bastard introduced himself, nodding at the door. "And now go before I change my mind. And you better do this right."

Axel nodded and turned around, feeling his heartbeat speed up only a little. He didn't dare to hope Roxas would just forgive him, but he had to at least try to apologize… He couldn't leave Roxas alone after…

…_he had raped him…_

… everything he had done; fate seemed to give him the opportunity to make things right, and he couldn't let it just go by.

* * *

**Quick Note: **I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and New Year - A late Merry Christmas and Late Happy New Year to y'all, anyway.

That's all for now, really - I just want to get this updated as quick as possible. Just to show that I'm not dead. Yet. =___=

Thanks for the reviews!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** ... :/ Nothing worse than last chapter. Except the unreality of the whole situation. Cuz, really, which rape victim would willingly allow their rapist back into their bed? :D

**Disclaimer:** Meh. Maybe I _should_ go to jail for what I'm doing to the characters. Luckily SquareEnix and Disney obviously don't deem fanfiction worth sueing.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_Axel nodded and turned around, feeling his heartbeat speed up only a little. He didn't dare to hope Roxas would just forgive him, but he had to at least try to apologize… He couldn't leave Roxas alone after…_

…he had raped him…

_… everything he had done; fate seemed to give him the opportunity to make things right, and he couldn't let it just go by._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 11**

His heart was hammering against his ribcage, his mind screaming at him to turn around and run away when he finally was standing in front of Roxas' apartment again, but he just reached out with a shaking hand and put the key into the lock, turning it slowly. The door opened with a quiet 'click'.

He could hear water running, but saw no light; not in the living room, or coming from the partly opened bathroom door. By now it was all dark outside, and also inside the apartment, but Axel didn't dare to turn on the lights. Half-blind, he fumbled his way to the bathroom, pushing the door open fully and entering the room. All he could hear was the running water and heavy, labored breathing, coming from the shower.

The sound alone made him suddenly feel dirty, filthy, _sick_, and he would have loved just to run away and take a shower and go to sleep and never wake up again… He felt so disgusted by himself, by his own actions, and he quickly crossed the dark room, nearly slipping once, and fumbled around for the faucet of the washing basin next to the shower, turning it on and holding his soiled, filthy hands under the stream of cold water… Oh God, but nothing would ever wash away the filth covering his soul…

He heard someone sniffle quietly and scrubbed his hands even harder, feeling tears burn behind his eyes but refusing to let them fall. He also splashed some water to his face, scrubbing it hard without caring about the pain when he rubbed the bruises Roxas had caused. He gathered some of the icy water in his hand to rinse his mouth, trying to get rid of the taste of blood on his tongue.

Only when he deemed at least his hands clean enough to touch another human being again he turned the water off and felt around for the shower curtain, pulling it back and reaching out. The water was icy cold and quickly drenched his jacket and shirt, but he somehow managed to turn it off.

There was a sound, a pained, choked, throaty moan in the dark, and Axel shivered, almost pulling back again. But he didn't, and his hands soon touched cold, shivering flesh. Roxas flinched away from his touch violently, sobbing once, breaking Axel's heart.

Without a word he pulled back again, trying to remember where Roxas had pulled out the towels from when Axel had been here the last time… There had been a cabinet somewhere, but where?

He still couldn't turn on the light, so he flopped down to his knees and crawled around on all fours until his searching hands felt the doors of the cabinet. He opened it and pulled out a fluffy towel, crawling back to the shower again.

His hands were shaking badly by now, his arms and knees feeling damp because the whole floor was wet; he didn't mind though, concentrating on the sniffling, moaning shadow huddled in the corner of the shower and draping the towel around it as well as he could without seeing anything.

"It's okay, Roxas," he whispered, and his heart broke even more when the shadow whimpered pathetically at the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry. I'm going to pick you up now, okay?"

Roxas didn't answer, but Axel didn't expect him to. His hands brushed over icy cold skin until he found Roxas' shoulders and legs, shoving one arm beneath the blond's knees and draping the other around Roxas' shaking shoulders so he could pick him up bridal style. Roxas cried out in pain and fear as Axel lifted the smaller man from the tiled ground, and Axel had to bite back a pained groan himself at hearing it.

He slowly made his way out of the bathroom, through the living room and into the bedroom without tripping, hearing Roxas pant against his neck, feeling his labored gasps on his skin and his slender body shake beneath the towel.

His eyes had long grown accustomed to the darkness, and he could see the outlines of Roxas' bed in the dark; sheets tangled and messed up, and the room was still reeking of their previous activities. He heard Roxas hitch a breath and wordlessly pressed his small body closer against his own in what he hoped was a calming manner, feeling it tremble more and more in his arms.

He gently lowered Roxas onto the bed, felt him flinch back from his touch, saw his dark silhouette curl up on the sheets, heard his breathing speeding up slightly. Sighing deeply he straightened up again and shuffled over to the window, opening it wide to get rid of the sickening reek of sex in the bedroom. The cool breeze felt soothing on his skin at first, but soon made him feel cold; he took a few deep breaths, trying to get that putrid smell out of his nose, and filling his lungs with the sweet night air. The town was quiet, so calm, so nothing like any city he had lived in before. It wasn't a town where such awful things could happen… It wasn't a town where a young man was hurt because another man had failed to keep his feelings in check.

There was a low hiss somewhere behind him, quiet rustling, a shuddering sigh. Finally Axel decided to turn on the lights, feeling around for the switch. He heard Roxas gasp surprised behind himself as he turned the light on, but it took him some time to actually look at him. His eyes were hurting because of the sudden brightness in the room.

He blinked a few times, finally looking back over his shoulder. Roxas was curled up on the bed, the towel hiding his body, legs drawn up and arms around his knees, face hidden in them as he continued to shake and shiver.

He had to be cold, Axel thought and grimaced slightly. And hurt. Of course.

For a while they stayed like this; Axel leaning against the wall, watching Roxas who didn't seem too intent to do anything but sitting there and shaking like a leaf. The towel slid from his shoulders at some point and pooled around him, but Roxas made no move to cover his bare skin.

"I…" Roxas finally whimpered and sniffed, still not looking up. "It seemed to be the… t-the only way to g-get c-close… t-to you…"

Axel didn't understand right away, but he was glad that Roxas had decided to talk to him at all. Sighing quietly he walked over to the bed and sat down, not too close to Roxas but close enough so he could touch him if he reached out.

"You were s-so different…" Roxas whispered weakly into his arms. "S-so extraordinary… But y-you always s-seemed so cold and… inapproachable… n-never noticed me in college, bec-… because I never dared to… n-never dared to even pass you in t-the hallway… I never thought… I would be able to come c-close t-to you…"

Now he moved, slumped, leaning back against the headboard, eyes still closed. Axel gasped distressed when he saw how red and sore Roxas' smooth skin was around his nether regions and on his thighs and stomach; as if he had tried to rub his skin right off his flesh there. Without thinking he reached out, pressing a cool hand against Roxas' stomach lightly; Roxas flinched, but didn't stop him, just sighed quietly. Cold water dripped from his hair and left wet trails on his otherwise so pale skin.

"I almost couldn't believe it when… when Kairi told me you w-were drawing me…" Roxas went on, turning his head to the side. Finally he opened his eyes, and they were horrible to look at; dull and still so lifeless, reddened and puffy. And yet they still were the single most beautiful thing Axel had ever seen. "I didn't know… I didn't know how to approach you, how… to get close, so I… offered myself to you. You seemed so c-cold, n-not interested in any form of relationship, s-so I… I…" He sobbed once, raising his shaking hands to his face and closing his eyes again. "And then… you said those nasty things… You… What you s-said made me feel like a _whore_, s-so dirty… so… But you… you were the only one I ever slept with without having… an actual relationship. I'm not… I'm not a slut…"

"No, no, you aren't, Roxas, I never thought that… I'm so sorry," Axel apologized hoarsely, but Roxas shook his head. Oh God no, he had never wanted to make Roxas think something like this…

"Of course, what were you supposed to think?" he muttered through his hands, and now his voice didn't sound as shaky anymore; for a moment Axel was tempted to believe the blond had calmed down, but the indifferent tone he said the next words in, albeit no longer shaky, was making them even worse. "I flirted with you all the time… I seduced you… even though I barely knew you. I… It was my idea to try this 'friends with benefits' thing, wasn't it? But I thought you knew… I thought that somehow you would see… what I really wanted…" His voice quieted down to a low whisper, and Axel barely understood his last words. "I wanted _more _than just sex, I wanted…"

They stayed silent for a while; Axel hated the troubled silence, but he didn't know how to break it. He kept watching Roxas, noticed the goose bumps on his arms and legs, felt his stomach rise and fall, Axel's hand still resting on the reddened skin. He sighed, skidded closer and grabbed the towel, raising it to drape it around Roxas' shoulders again, gently rubbing his arms.

"I knew you were watching me the past weeks," Roxas suddenly said, and now his voice sounded stronger than before. Axel stayed silent. He couldn't deny it anyway; Roxas had caught him staring. "I was trying to make you jealous."

"Really?" Axel asked softly, moving his arms to circle Roxas' shoulders and pulling him up a little, starting to rub his back through the towel. He had to get Roxas dry somehow… He felt way too cold…

"Only Riku knew though… The guy with the silver hair," Roxas explained. "He's Sora's and Kairi's friend actually, not mine. H-He noticed that I acted way friendlier around him than usual whenever I saw you. He… He said I should just t-talk to you, b-but I was s-so _angry_… I… I s-spent more time with him than usual, and more time with Hayner and the gang, just… j-just so I wouldn't be alone when… when I ran into y-you by accident. I wouldn't… I couldn't possibly have handled being alone with you, so I… asked them to stay close to me. A-And then I noticed you watching me, and I… I wanted to… t-to hurt you… I even flirted with Riku, and Naminé… Nami is one of my oldest friends, she… she was so surprised when… when I told her everything after I…" His voice broke. "… kissed her…" He obviously tried to say more, his mouth opening and closing again once, twice…

"I _was_ jealous," Axel admitted shakily. "It killed me to see you with… _them_."

"Why did you come here?" Roxas asked, abruptly changing the topic. He suddenly opened his eyes again, staring at Axel as he grabbed his arm in a surprisingly strong grip. His voice grew higher with every word, hysterical and shrill as he shook Axel lightly. "I told you to stop, I begged you to, but you… You… you didn't even use a condom, you _jerk_, you… just… Why did you do it? Why did you… Why did you…?" Again his voice failed him. Axel felt a bitter lump form in his throat.

"I didn't want to hurt you," he answered, tasting the bitter tang of shame on his tongue. He hesitantly reached up to lay his hands on Roxas' cheeks, desperately trying not to falter as he looked into those endless pools of deepest blue. "Oh God, Roxas, you have to believe me… I never wanted to hurt you, I… I was so stupid, I'm so sorry, I was so hurt… because I saw you with them, I…"

He didn't know how to explain it. How could he possibly tell Roxas why he had done it, when he barely understood the reason himself? So he closed the gap between them instead, gently touching Roxas' soft, wet, so agonizingly irresistible lips with his own in a sweet, lingering kiss.

Roxas whined surprised, but didn't push him away. He didn't return the kiss either, but right now Axel was content with simply pressing his lips against Roxas', even though it stung a little as his lower lip still felt a bit tender from before. It was only a light touch, but he didn't need more. He _couldn't_ do more, he couldn't touch Roxas, couldn't deepen their kiss after all he had done…

"I should have stopped you…" Roxas whispered after breaking the kiss, his lips still so close to Axel's he could feel every word. "I could have stopped you, but I…" He hiccupped, a strangely innocent, but so very distressed sound, it made Axel's heart clench painfully. "I could have stopped you… I didn't dare to, because… I thought you'd… I… Oh God, I _wanted_ you, so bad…"

To his endless horror Axel suddenly felt something wet run over his hands, and he opened his eyes only to see tears pouring from Roxas' closed ones. Without thinking he leaned forward to kiss a tear away, tasted salt and felt disgusted by himself again for making Roxas cry.

"Am… Am I some kind of pervert, because I… didn't stop you? B-Because… I wanted you t-to touch me? I _still_ want you," Roxas sobbed pitifully, all of a sudden flinging his arms around Axel and burying his face in Axel's coarse jacket. "I'm hurt and I'm so fucked up, I can't even think anymore, but I want you so _bad_. I should h-hate you, but I c-can't, because you're s-so irresistible…"

"I'm sorry," Axel whispered, kissing the top of Roxas' spiky head. He still felt cold, so cold… "Tell me what I can do… Tell me how I can… make you feel better…"

This time it was Roxas' hands on his cheeks, and he ignored the pain and just let himself get lost in the kiss, allowing Roxas to kiss him again and again and again… He didn't resist when Roxas' trembling hands slid into his jacket and shoved it off his shoulders.

"Make love to me," Roxas replied in a breathy whisper, and Axel's heart skipped a beat. He stared at the blond surprised, but one look into his eyes convinced him that Roxas was serious.

"I can't, I… I'll hurt you…" he tried to protest, but Roxas' fingers on his lips silenced him quickly.

"I want you to make love to me," he repeated, cold fingers brushing over Axel's bruised face gently. "I don't want just another fuck. Make love to me…"

Axel tried to come up with reasons why he couldn't do this; he racked his brain, but couldn't concentrate on it when suddenly Roxas' cold hands were slipping under his shirt, lifting it ever so slow…

"Make love to me, Axel," Roxas' husky voice reached his ears once more. "Show me I'm more to you than just a quick fuck."

Axel opened his mouth, tried to… to explain, that Roxas was more, so much more than a quick fuck, that he couldn't do this because it would only hurt Roxas, and he couldn't hurt Roxas even more… But his traitorous body already reacted to Roxas' feather-light touch, he felt hot and wanted nothing more than to reach out, pull Roxas closer, and…

"I can't," he whispered and grabbed Roxas' hands, forcing them away from his body. It felt so wrong to do that, but he _had_ to do it, even though it killed him to keep the beautiful blond from touching him.

"You can. You _must_," Roxas disagreed with him and suddenly crawled forward, the towel sliding from his shoulders again as he reached up to pull Axel into a gentle embrace; he straddled the redhead, his movements still cautious, and he silenced Axel's protests by sealing his lips with a kiss.

Axel loathed himself for not being strong enough to resist; the delicious pressure of soft lips on his, the exquisite taste of the young man kissing him, the soft sigh he heard Roxas utter between two kisses when Axel's warm hands touched his cold skin, slowly sliding down his arms, it was maddening; he groaned into Roxas' mouth, allowed his eyes to slide shut when Roxas lowered his body onto Axel's lap, causing the redhead to jerk, breathing to hitch and hands to tighten their hold on Roxas' arms.

"I… I don't want t-to hurt… you…" Axel whispered, still desperately trying to hold back. He opened his eyes again, seeing Roxas stare at him and feeling his resolve crumble slowly under his deep blue gaze.

"Then be gentle," Roxas simply said, and his hands grabbed hold of Axel's shirt again, lifting it again, cold hands brushing over his skin… Axel gasped, couldn't help but jerk back, but made no move to stop Roxas this time; he just raised his arms obediently when Roxas tugged at the fabric again, and Roxas pulled the shirt over his head swiftly and flung it to the side before his cold hands returned to Axel's shoulders.

Axel shuddered, but he let his own hands slide over Roxas' head, cheeks, neck, shoulders and arms when he lowered his arms; he felt Roxas shiver too, but he couldn't tell if it was because of the touch or the cold. Roxas' skin still felt unhealthily chilled.

Axel closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself down; he needed to stay calm, he needed to hold back, he had to do this right…

"Don't make me do that, Roxas," he pleaded, keeping his eyes closed even as he heard Roxas gasp and felt the blond starting to shiver quite badly; when Roxas tried to pull back he quickly circled the smaller man's waist with his arms to hold him in place. "I can't do it. It… would still hurt…"

"I… I can take a little pain," Roxas replied, his strained voice carrying a note of stubbornness and defiance.

"No," Axel said and shook his head before he leaned forward to rest his forehead on Roxas' cold shoulder. "It would be too painful. I… I just can't do it, not yet…"

"So you r-rape me, a-and then you… y-you don't want m-me anymore?" Roxas whispered choked; he sounded borderline hysterical, and Axel involuntarily tightened his hold on him. "You…"

"No, Roxas, _no_," Axel interrupted him, finally looking up again. What he saw made him want to die; tears were shimmering in Roxas' somewhat unfocused eyes, and the expression on his face was hurt and confused and _heartbroken_.

"No," the redhead repeated in a low, broken voice, raising one hand to touch Roxas' face. He couldn't tear his gaze away, as much as he wanted to; because it hurt, it hurt so much to look at Roxas… "I… I do, Roxas, I _do_! I want you… so badly, I… I just can't…" He almost moaned the next words, closing his eyes again briefly as he let them roll off his tongue, relishing their sound and the tingly feeling they left on his lips. "… _make love to you_… Not until you… Oh, Roxas, you need to recover first…"

"You don't want me…" Roxas whimpered, raising his hands to pull at his wet hair. Axel quickly grabbed them to keep the blond from tearing his hair out.

"I _do_, Roxas, believe me!" he repeated desperately, bringing Roxas' cold hands to his lips to kiss them, sighing and pressing them against his hurting cheek. "But… I can't… You're hurt, and confused…"

"I'm so _cold_," Roxas sobbed, ripping his hands away to hug himself, bending forward until his head rested on Axel's shoulder, wet hair tickling Axel's skin. "Oh _please_, Axel, I'm so cold…" Harsh sobs made his slender body jerk, and Axel was at a loss what to do for a moment.

Then he sighed, cupped Roxas' chin with one hand and forced the blond to look up to him. And he closed his eyes as he leaned down to kiss Roxas again.

This time the kiss was all but chaste and sweet; this time Axel needed to prove to Roxas that he was wrong… that he _did_ want him. When Roxas gasped surprised Axel took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, still very cautiously; he didn't want to scare Roxas after all, just show him, just make him understand… He let his tongue glide over Roxas' smooth bottom lip, drawing it back again only when he briefly pulled away. He sucked in a sharp breath before he pressed his lips against Roxas' once more. This time he didn't stop at Roxas' lips though; he forced his tongue into Roxas' warm mouth, all but moaning when it slid against wet, soft muscle. That taste… sweet and spicy, so addicting…

Roxas tensed up at first, but soon relaxed against Axel, shyly starting to kiss back; he laid his head back obediently when Axel gently tugged at his hair and gasped when Axel left butterfly kisses all over his tear-stained face and his throat.

"You're _killing_ me, Roxas," Axel whispered hoarsely, and he bit his lip at the delicious shiver that ran through Roxas' body at his words. "Can… I touch you? Please?"

"Yes, _yes_," Roxas replied breathlessly, but Axel shook his head.

"I don't want to scare you… I don't want to hurt you…" Axel placed a tender little kiss on Roxas' shoulder before he finished his request. "So… If I touch you now, can you promise me not to touch me?"

"Axel…" Roxas pulled back a little to look at him, but Axel avoided his eyes and looked to the side. He wouldn't be able to hold back any longer if he looked into Roxas' beautiful eyes. It was hard enough as it was, with Roxas still sitting on him… so close, so _fucking_ close and yet so _unreachable_, so _untouchable_, so _forbidden_…

"Promise me that you… won't try anything," he insisted, licking his suddenly very dry lips when Roxas shifted on his lap. He closed his eyes, clenching his hands behind Roxas' back nervously. "I… I'll just… leave if you can't promise me that. I can't risk hurting you again…"

"Axel…" Roxas sighed his name again, and now Axel could feel the other man breathe a gentle kiss onto his cheek, right onto the tattoo beneath his eye. "I promise. Anything… Just stay, don't go…"

His shy plea was all Axel needed.

Roxas didn't resist anymore when Axel forced him down, gently lowering him onto the bed; he just closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, his hands sliding from Axel's shoulders to rest next to his head on the pillow. Axel couldn't help but stare at him for a moment; so stunning, so beautiful, so broken and hurt and perfect…

Axel's heart clenched painfully inside his chest as he thought of how he had defiled such beauty; he was leaning over Roxas, his face hovering only mere centimeters over Roxas' now calm one, and he reached up to let one finger glide over Roxas' serene face before he lowered his head, pressing a tender kiss onto Roxas' forehead, his closed eyes, his cute nose, his cheeks, his jaw, he felt Roxas gasp for air but couldn't kiss him now. Oh, he yearned for Roxas' sweet lips, but not yet. He needed to show Roxas how much he meant to him; he needed to worship him like he deserved, needed to make the pain he had caused mere moments ago go away…

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against the sensitive skin beneath Roxas' ear, staying like this for a moment, just breathing in… Oh, Roxas' scent was addicting, and he tasted even sweeter, and…

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, guilt choking him and making his voice break… Roxas' only answer was a hand running through Axel's spiky hair. Axel winced at the touch, kissing Roxas' neck again and feeling tears well up in his eyes.

He didn't understand why Roxas let him touch him again… He couldn't understand how Roxas could still stand his _presence_, he didn't… he didn't understand why Roxas still wanted him…

"I'm so sorry, Roxas… so sorry…" he sobbed quietly, finally working up the courage to look up again. His vision was rather blurry, but still he could see the almost indiscernible smile on the other man's lips. Roxas still didn't say anything, but he kept looking at Axel like he… trusted Axel.

Oh God, how could he just _look_ at Axel like that?

Axel sighed shakily and pressed his forehead against Roxas' cheek, closing his eyes again and forcing the tears back. He concentrated on _feeling_ Roxas, rather than looking at him, first running his hand up and down Roxas' arm (so cold, he still felt so cold…), then over his chest, feeling Roxas' heart beating, even faster than his own… The feeling of Roxas' skin was so unbelievable, and he needed to feel more of it, lowering his body so their naked chests were touching. Roxas sighed beneath him, reaching up to lace his slender fingers with Axel's hair.

"I'm so cold, Axel," Roxas breathed into his ear, and Axel immediately pressed harder against him, gasping at the wonderful, terribly familiar feeling of desire overcoming him again. Roxas' hands slowly trailed down his back, stopping at the hem of Axel's pants…

"No…" Axel just said, reaching down to grab one of Roxas' hands and bringing it up to his lips, kissing the inside of Roxas' wrist. "Just… wait… Let me… let me try to make this right. Please don't… don't make me hurt you… You promised…"

Roxas smiled shyly, and it was the most adorable thing Axel had ever seen, but at the same time made another pang of sorrow rip his wounded heart into shreds. The blond nodded, letting his hands drop onto the pillow again.

Axel took a deep breath before he brought his lips to Roxas' neck again, slowly kissing a path down, finally feeling Roxas' skin growing warmer… he reached up, pressing one flat hand against Roxas' chest before sliding it down Roxas' side until it reached a slim hip, while bracing himself over the smaller man with the other.

He placed lingering, wet kisses all over Roxas' shoulders, collarbone and neck, letting his tongue dart out between his lips ever so often to get a better taste of the blond. He felt Roxas shiver, heard him moan, and his fingers dug deeply into Roxas' flesh… and Roxas' hips jerked upwards, pressing against Axel's, not intentionally, he knew, but oh so relieving… so making him ache for more…

Roxas was already hard, and he moaned again, louder this time, lifting his hips off the bed to grind against Axel. At least he tried to… Axel held him down, pressing his face against Roxas' heaving chest for a moment to calm himself and the unbelievable _heat_ spreading from the part of his body Roxas had touched unintentionally, before he resumed showering the smaller man's body with gentle nips and kisses.

He slowly moved down, _down_, his hand still gripping Roxas tightly. He could only think about satisfying Roxas, about making Roxas feel good, wanted, _loved_, never minding his own needs. He could wait. He could restrain himself, for Roxas, for _his_ Roxas, he wouldn't hurt him again; he would not let his desire get the better of him, not this time.

The skin on Roxas' stomach felt strikingly hot compared to other parts of his body, and Axel tried to hold back and be gentle when he kissed the blond there; it made him go insane, to think of Roxas sitting alone in the dark, in the shower, and trying to get rid of the evidence of the disgusting things Axel had done to him…

He felt Roxas flinch when his lips connected with the sore skin, and he almost wanted to stop… He looked up, and he was rewarded with the sight of Roxas, blue eyes half-lidded and full lips parted, hands fisting in the pillow, chest heaving and a small, protesting moan escaping him at the loss of contact.

"So beautiful…" Axel breathed in awe, and he watched utterly captivated as Roxas smiled, biting his lip when his cheeks reddened a little. Axel's trembling hands drew shaky circles on Roxas' hips as he looked down again. He drank in the marvelous sight of the beautiful young man, letting his eyes travel over the whole expanse of Roxas' exposed body, and suddenly he wondered again how he deserved to be even near such an angelic creature…

"You are so… beautiful…" he repeated shakily before he nervously moistened his lips with his tongue and leaned down again.

He had never done this before (well, not with a man at least, and usually he had been on the receiving end…), so he didn't really know if he was doing it right when he took the tip of Roxas' member into his mouth. Judging the way Roxas uttered a surprised, strangled cry and the way his hips jerked upwards, it had felt good…

Axel pulled back, a little taken aback at Roxas' sudden movement, and quickly applied more pressure to Roxas' hip to keep the smaller man from doing that again… His other hand brushed over Roxas' erection lightly, just the very tips of his fingers grazing the hot flesh teasingly before he curled them around it.

"Nnnnnnh…" Roxas moaned and arched his back the best he could with Axel holding him down; his hands closed around the pillow so tightly his knuckles turned white. Axel couldn't really see his expression from his position, but he didn't need to; just the sound of Roxas' erratic breathing was enough to turn him on so badly, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to contain himself if he saw Roxas' face right now.

He closed his eyes and licked his lips again, repeating what he had done earlier, his hand squeezing lightly; again he had to pull back when Roxas tried to buck up into his mouth once more, his hand on Roxas' hip pressing harder against it.

When he was sure his hold on Roxas was enough to keep him down securely he started to move his hand; up and down, squeezing ever so slightly when it moved down, loosening its grip when moving up, repeating the motion over and over again… He felt shaking hands running through his hair, raking over his scalp, then fisting around his spikes and pulling, and a frustrated whimper reached his ears.

Never ceasing his hand's movements, but still keeping them agonizingly slow, he bent his head to kiss the tip of Roxas' arousal; he kept his mouth closed the first time, just pressing his lips against the hot skin, but the second time he opened his mouth and allowed the tip of his tongue to glide over the head of Roxas' throbbing member. He tasted something… salty and weird, but he curiously licked Roxas again, allowing his lips to apply just a little more pressure this time.

"Nnnnnghhh… aaaaaah, oh _God_…" Roxas groaned, and his hands on Axel's head tightened their grip. If he was keeping up making those noises, Axel was sure he would _never_ get rid of that painful hard-on again, regardless how often he would jerk off to the memory of those lovely sounds…

Axel pulled back a little, allowing his lips to stay connected with Roxas' heated skin as he tried to catch his breath; his heart was beating painfully fast, and he could feel every single heartbeat all the way down to his pants, his own desire making it hard to think. His hand on Roxas' hip twitched, aching to touch his own body the same way he was touching Roxas, with slow, pleasurable strokes…

He swallowed thickly, tried to get rid of those fantasies by concentrating on Roxas; the panting, moaning, writhing, very _incarnation_ of his most exciting fantasies. He took one deep breath before he took Roxas into his mouth again, deeper this time, as deep as he could without choking, his hand still caressing the part his mouth couldn't reach. Roxas mewled softly, which sounded oddly muffled; Axel guessed the blond was burying his face in the pillow somehow to keep the volume of his sounds of pleasure down. Not that he cared; he would have loved to hear Roxas cry out in ecstasy.

He didn't exactly know what to do with his tongue, so he slid it up and down the hard length inside his mouth the best he could. It still tasted weird, so different from the rest of Roxas' body, but to tell the truth, Axel was too occupied by the loud, drawn-out moan his actions elicited from the blond to pay the odd taste any heed. It wasn't even that unpleasant, just… _weird_.

He tightened his lips around Roxas, slowly moving up, sucking lightly as he did, dragging his tongue lazily over the vein on the underside of Roxas' member. This time he was prepared when Roxas tried to buck into his mouth again and held him down firmly.

Axel started to bob his head, in a slightly faster pace than his hand had caressed Roxas before. He alternated between sucking firmly and licking precum off the tip, tried to do what he thought would make Roxas feel good… Roxas was soon reduced to a squirming, moaning mess, his hands desperately raking through Axel's hair or running over the hands holding his hip in place; the muscles in his thighs tense, his abs clenching with every hard suck, his voice switching from moaning to sobbing, to crying out once, twice…

Axel continued to pleasure the younger man until he felt the stiff length inside his mouth twitch at a particularly hard suck; salvia was running down the hot skin, making things slick and easy when he brought one hand to Roxas' erection again to stroke him in time with the now faster movements of his mouth. He felt one hand being pulled out of his hair and felt the trembling body beneath him shift slightly while the remaining hand cupped his skull, slender fingers flexing nervously.

He opened his eyes and looked up without suspending his movements; his eyes immediately met hazy blue ones. Roxas was watching him, propped up on one elbow, his eyes unbelievably wide, his cheeks flushed and his pouty lips parted, glossy, moist with salvia; he licked his lips, wetting them even more, and swallowed hard when he noticed Axel was looking at him.

Axel couldn't help but groan at the sight, feeling his eyes widen slightly; Roxas looked so hot, so tempting, so… enticing, and now his eyes closed and his beautiful face contorted to a mask of pure rapture and bliss…

"A-Axel…" he gasped, his whole body jerking again when Axel lowered his head again to take more of Roxas into his mouth, never taking his eyes off the blond's face. How alluring, to see the fine sheet of sweat glistening on his brow, eyelids fluttering nearly closed and eyes rolling back until Axel could no longer see any blue in them, small mouth forming a perfect 'o', Adam's apple bobbing as the blond swallowed, tried to find the right words. "I… I'm…"

Axel didn't think twice, but sucked Roxas' length even deeper into his mouth, moving his hand to fondle Roxas' balls while he swallowed around hot, twitching flesh.

Roxas cried out loudly, his hand clenching around Axel's head and trying to shove him down, hips bucking upwards at the same time, and Axel nearly choked; but he continued to move up and down Roxas' length, sucking greedily and trying to swallow as much as possible as Roxas came into his eager mouth. His eyes slid shut at the erotic sound of Roxas all but _sobbing_ his name; salvia and cum dribbled from his wet lips and down over pulsating flesh and his jerking hand; the taste and consistency of the hot liquid inside his mouth was salty and bitter and thick and unfamiliar, but alluring nonetheless, because it was _Roxas'_ taste…

Roxas' jerky movements stilled slowly, and his moans died down as well, and he fell back onto his pillow, breathing fast and keeping his eyes closed. He seemed utterly spent, exhausted… He groaned when Axel finally released him, sticky liquid still dripping from the redhead's mouth and onto the blond's softening member and his stomach before Axel licked his lips and swallowed the last remains of Roxas' cum.

Axel rose on all fours, panting for air, eyes dilated and not actually seeing anything; the experience of seeing, hearing, feeling and, _oh_, _tasting_ Roxas' climax was leaving him so torturously unsatisfied… He didn't dare to look up, and sure as hell he could not look down either; staring at Roxas' belly was agonizing enough, along with the gentle sound of their heavy breathing, the smell, the _heat_…

_Damn_, he just couldn't stop his eyes from following the trail of milky white liquid on Roxas' skin…

Mindlessly he leaned down and dragged his tongue over Roxas' stomach, licking up the last traces of the younger man's orgasm, groaning at the foreign, yet now so familiar taste. Roxas gasped and flinched beneath him, and it was enough to double, no, _triple_ the sheer agony of not being able to do what he really wanted.

Oh, he wanted to satisfy Roxas, but in a wholly different way; he wanted to grant him his wish, he wanted to… _make love to him_, like the blond had _begged_ him to earlier. The mere memory of the desperate plea was enough to make him groan again, and with a shaky sigh he lowered his forehead onto Roxas' stomach, squeezing his eyes closed. His trembling hands fisted around the sheets as he tried to keep himself in check and calm the passion raging inside his body.

It was futile; every breath he took made him take in Roxas' scent, every time he swallowed he could still taste Roxas, and closing his eyes had probably been the dumbest thing to do; all he could feel now was the warmth of Roxas' skin, all he could hear was Roxas' soft panting, and all he wanted to do was love him, even though he knew he would never deserve it, because he could never be forgiven for what he had done…

"Axel…?" Roxas' tired, satisfied voice called out for him softly; Axel opened his eyes, still pressing his forehead against Roxas' warm skin, and nodded slowly, placing a gentle kiss on Roxas' stomach. He grimaced when his lips connected with Roxas' skin; his whole body seemed to be throbbing with raw lust, aching for the release that he knew would not come to him tonight.

"Yes?" he rasped out, unable to mask the desire tainting his voice.

"Did you… swallow… everything?" came Roxas' hesitant, timid question, and Axel felt a strained, desperate grin tug at his lips. He could clearly picture the shy blush rising into Roxas' face.

"Yes," he answered and cut the rest of the words that threatened to spill from his mouth off by slowly sucking on a very delicious patch of skin just above Roxas' navel. He knew that if he hadn't done that, he would have blurted out his dirty, shameful secret; that he needed release so badly, that he wanted to be inside Roxas, that he wanted to feel Roxas' warmth all around his pulsing member, that he wanted to make love to him and that he could no longer think about the pain Roxas still had to be in…

"But that's… You didn't have to… I mean…" Roxas spluttered, and even though Axel still couldn't look at him, it was obvious the blond was embarrassed.

"I wanted to," he replied, nuzzling Roxas' soft skin and slowly lowering his body onto Roxas'; he didn't mind the sticky feeling where his chest touched Roxas' nether regions, the distraction of his tremendous arousal pressing into the mattress clearing his mind of every other thought. He kept staring to the side, his hands lying limply on the sheets on either side of Roxas' body, his cheek pressing against a taut stomach, his breathing heavy and labored.

He felt Roxas shift beneath him and bit down on the inside of his cheek to hold back a frustrated groan at the marvelously torturous feeling of skin sliding against skin, his hands clenching and unclenching around the sheets, still shaking a little.

"Are… Are you okay, Axel?" Roxas whispered, and Axel could feel a hand touch his hair hesitantly.

"… fine," Axel replied, but he knew that his voice sounded too strained to make his answer believable. Roxas stayed silent for a while, and Axel took the chance to close his eyes and try to clear his head of the way too exciting thoughts ghosting through it.

"You're not finished yet, are you?"

… Well, and there went his resolve. Axel flinched at the sound of Roxas' voice, pressing his lips together and forcing himself to breathe through his nose to keep a loud moan inside.

"I'm… fine…" he finally forced out through gritted teeth. "Just… give me a minute…"

Again Roxas moved; it seemed like he had propped himself on his elbows, about to sit up.

"But… Axel, I could…" the blond started, but Axel shook his head wildly, red spikes flying around his head. He reached up, pressing both hands against Roxas' chest and shoving him back down into the mattress, his breathing speeding up again at the feeling of Roxas' warm skin beneath his hands.

"Oh _fuck_, Roxas, just _don't move_, okay?" he muttered tensely. "I'll be fine… I just… need a minute to calm down…"

"But…"

With a frustrated growl Axel rose to his knees again, crawling back a little and sitting on the bed as far from Roxas as possible, absolutely refusing to look at the blond. He tried to be cautious, awkwardly swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, but his fast movements just made his tight pants irritate his still erect member, causing him to double over as painful pleasure jolted through his body. He stayed like this for a while, bent forward, panting for air, eyes wide and unseeing, before he clumsily fumbled the buttons of his pants open to relieve at least some of the maddening pressure. His breath hitched in his throat as his long fingers accidentally brushed over the silky fabric of his boxers; the only barrier between his hand and his hot, hard arousal…

He slowly straightened up again, reaching up to grab fistfuls of his spiky hair and pull at it to occupy his hands. It took all of his willpower to slow down his rapid breathing, and probably even more to will his hot, aroused body to calm down again. He just thanked every higher entity that would listen that Roxas didn't try to speak up or, yet worse, touch him.

When he finally felt calm enough to look back again, it surprised him to find a gentle, shy smile on Roxas' lips. The blond was sitting upright, leaning against the headboard of his bed, his legs bent and his arms resting on his knees.

He looked so sweet, maybe even sweeter than Axel had ever seen him before, with his mussed hair and still slightly flushed skin; his eyes were shining brightly, radiant in their beauty.

They stayed silent for a while, just gazing into each other's eyes. Axel was the first one to break eye-contact, clearing his throat nervously and looking forward again, plucking at the sheets.

"I… should go," he muttered, and it felt like this was the most painful thing he had ever had to say in his life.

But it was true. That he had given Roxas a… _blowjob_ didn't make the hurtful things he had done before undone. He didn't deserve to stay. He should just…

"Don't go," Roxas whispered, and Axel felt the mattress shift slightly; he tried to turn around but was kept from doing so when two slender arms closed around his torso, still slightly damp, golden hair tickling his neck when Roxas pressed his face against Axel's shoulder. "Stay with me."

"I d-don't think that's a good… idea," Axel retorted and swallowed, feeling Roxas' warm, naked body press against his back. He barely managed to squelch the overwhelming, disgusting, inept desire that stirred deep inside him again.

"Please, Axel…" Roxas murmured and gently kissed Axel's neck, just beneath the hairline. "Don't leave me alone…"

Oh, great, just great. How could he possibly say no to _that_? He knew it was a bad idea – _knew_ it – but Roxas' voice had sounded so soft, so lost, so pleading, he… he couldn't just ignore it.

But what if he was tempted to try something during the night… or… if Roxas came to realize that he hated Axel after the aftereffects of his orgasm wore off? What if Axel woke up to that cold, disgusted look again? He doubted he would survive that…

"Couch?" he croaked, allowing his eyes to slide shut when Roxas kissed the same spot again.

"Here," Roxas clarified. "With me." He moved his face upwards, buried his nose in Axel's hair and inhaled deeply, making the redhead shiver.

Axel could come up with a hundred reasons why he should leave; not only had he insulted Roxas, he had also taken advantage of him more than once, had used him, had hurt, _raped_ him… But he just couldn't voice even one of them, because he didn't want to remind Roxas of it, now that he was so fragile and hurt…

"O-Okay," he whispered instead, cursing his heart for picking up speed. Stupid thing. It wouldn't last; Roxas would hate him in the morning. Why get his hopes up?

He gently brushed Roxas' hands off his body and stood, crossing the room to turn off the lights. Only when darkness securely hid him from Roxas' eyes he allowed his shoulders to slump and his face to contort into a grimace of pain and doubt; he didn't move for a moment, desperately trying to hold back hot tears of frustration welling up in his eyes. But then he let them go, just concentrated on staying quiet, so Roxas wouldn't notice his distress; he wouldn't see the tears anyway.

He stalked back to the bed in the dark, listening to the quiet rustling of the sheets when Roxas crawled under them. He sat down at the edge, finally disposing of his shoes – had he really not gotten rid of them yet? – and peeling himself out of his pants before he joined Roxas.

He didn't really dare to do anything; he didn't want to reach out and touch Roxas, because he feared it might be too much, too fast, too intimate yet. And to be honest, he didn't trust himself completely around Roxas either.

But soon he felt a hesitant touch on his chest, and he sighed; Roxas' hand glided upwards, until it reached his cheek. The one Roxas had hit before. It still stung a little when nimble fingers ghosted over his skin, but Axel didn't mind at all. He was too occupied by the warm, delicate feeling the light touch caused. So different from what he had felt before; not hungry, irresistible, all-consuming passion, but calm, gentle, heart-breaking tenderness for the gorgeous blond.

And then he felt movement, heard soft rustling, and suddenly warm lips pressed against his own; he gasped into Roxas' open mouth, frozen in shock, but never even thinking of pushing Roxas away.

He let Roxas kiss him, slowly, _loving_, and couldn't stop his hands reaching up, tangling themselves in Roxas' hair. He moved his lips cautiously, and he was rewarded with a soft sigh, a smile against his lips, a little more pressure, a warm, wet tongue tracing his bottom lip.

After what seemed like an eternity Roxas pulled back, only to lean down once more to kiss Axel's cheek; the redhead flinched, gasped, and felt a suppressed sob choking him slowly.

"Don't cry," Roxas whispered in the dark, and Axel knew he had tasted his tears, now feeling even worse than before. "I forgive you."

Those words made Axel snap; finally releasing the strained sob from his tight throat he reached out and laid his arms around Roxas, pulling him close and holding him tight as he placed one soft kiss after another on top of the smaller man's head. Finally he buried his face in Roxas' golden locks and just took in his clean scent, no longer caring about the tears leaking from his closed eyes, but concentrating on the warm body in his arms, until he felt Roxas relax in his tender embrace and black tiredness disabled his ability to think or feel.

* * *

**Quick Note: **Still not satisfied with it. *pouts*

Anyway! I'm happy to inform you that **this story is already finished, beta'd and waiting for me to post it**. Which means, all of you who read this story, look forward to more updates soon.

Oh, and thanks for the reviews! :D They are balm for my messed up mind and soul.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary:** "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.

**Pairing:** AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!

**Warning:** Nothing...?

**Disclaimer:** Bah.

**Dedication:** For my lovely muse, **kotilo** – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!

* * *

_"Don't cry," Roxas whispered in the dark, and Axel knew he had tasted his tears, now feeling even worse than before. "I forgive you."_

_Those words made Axel snap; finally releasing the strained sob from his tight throat he reached out and laid his arms around Roxas, pulling him close and holding him tight as he placed one soft kiss after another on top of the smaller man's head. Finally he buried his face in Roxas' golden locks and just took in his clean scent, no longer caring about the tears leaking from his closed eyes, but concentrating on the warm body in his arms, until he felt Roxas relax in his tender embrace and black tiredness disabled his ability to think or feel._

* * *

**Family Bonds – Chapter 12**

Axel was surprised to wake up alone; mostly because a part of him was prepared to wake to screaming or being shoved off the bed, while the bigger part suspected the first thing he would see when he opened his eyes would be a furious, icy cold glare, and the first words he would hear would be, "Get out!" That, or maybe a sharp kitchen knife and his own screams of agony.

And then, of course, there was that tiny little part of him that had hoped he would be able to catch a glimpse of Roxas' sleeping face before he was kicked out of the apartment, out of the blond's life. He almost laughed at that gullible part of himself.

But the bed next to him was empty, the door of the bedroom left ajar. He sat up, ran both hands through his hair and sighed. He could hear quiet clattering from somewhere outside; looking out of the window, he realized the sun was just about to rise, silvery light driving the night away.

He allowed another wary sigh to slip from his lips, rubbed his eyes, winced when a sharp pain reminded him of the black eye Roxas had given him the night before, and withstood the urge to fall asleep again. As much as he dreaded leaving the bedroom and confronting the owner of this apartment, for he had immediately recognized the bedroom as Roxas', he needed to get up. If he was lucky, Roxas would be occupied and wouldn't notice him leaving…

Rather stiffly he crawled out of bed, searching for his clothes and throwing them on in a haste, leaving the bedroom while straightening his shirt, his jacket carelessly thrown over one arm, and gripping the laces of his boots with one hand. He only glanced at the mirror in the bathroom through the open door, smirking wryly at the dark purple forming a half-circle around the outer corner of his eye, nearly chuckling when he thought it almost matched the color of the tattoo underneath. Another bruise adorned his jaw, but it wasn't nearly as dark as the one around his eye. Nothing seemed swollen, but his cheek and lower lip still felt sore when he touched it cautiously, and his nose stung when he tried to breathe through it.

"Morning," he was greeted as soon as he tried to pass the kitchen door on his way to the front door. He froze for a moment, never looking at the owner of the voice, but staring straight ahead without even seeing the clean, neat apartment.

"Morning," he just muttered, still staring into space, trying not to let the gut-wrenching pain that voice inflicted show.

For a while Roxas stayed silent, and all Axel could hear was more clattering.

"You want to leave already?" Roxas finally asked, and Axel was tempted to believe he could hear a cold, hostile undertone in his soft voice. But it didn't take him long to realize it was only his guilty coincidence making it up. Roxas didn't sound angry. Just very timid, maybe a bit sad too. And that was even worse.

"I guess…?" he replied unsure. Didn't Roxas want him to leave?

"You sure know how to make a guy feel special," Roxas huffed, and Axel cringed at the words. "Just sneaking out after all that happened yesterday…"

"I thought you wanted me to go," he muttered, looking down.

"Yeah," Roxas sighed, but didn't explain what he meant by that. 'Yeah, I wanted you to go'? 'Yeah, I knew you would think that'? 'Yeah, and now get out of my sight, you perverted asshole'?

"So…" Axel exclaimed after a while, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I… probably should…"

"Coffee?" Roxas interrupted him, and Axel could no longer keep his eyes off the blond. With wide eyes he stared at the younger man, who sat at the small table in the kitchen, curled up on his chair with one leg drawn up to his chin, clad in wide sweat pants and a loose-fitting t-shirt, gazing down into the cup of coffee in his hands. He seemed as tired as Axel felt, and he never looked up.

"What?" Axel asked dumbfounded; Roxas' mouth twitched upwards for a split second, but he still didn't look up.

"You seem tired," the blond explained calmly, putting his feet down and slowly rising from his seat. "You look like you need a coffee."

Axel watched him, and he felt a sharp sting to his heart as he noticed the almost invisible wince when Roxas straightened; the way the blond bit his lip to keep himself from uttering a sound; the way his hands curled into small fists; the look of pain crossing his pretty face as he moved.

He dropped jacket and shoes and quickly entered the kitchen, laying a hand onto Roxas' shoulder to keep him from standing up.

"I can get it myself," he muttered, again avoiding looking into Roxas' eyes.

He could _feel _Roxas' eyes following his every move as he searched the cupboards for a mug, but Roxas didn't say anything. Axel only noticed how badly his hands were shaking when he poured himself a cup of coffee, staring at the rippling surface of the black liquid in his mug for a second before he decided to drink it without milk or sugar.

"Don't you want to sit down?" Roxas asked behind him. Axel just shook his head, turning around and leaning against the counter, keeping his gaze fixed on the small ripples in his coffee. His heart was beating erratically inside his chest, and he felt sick… He doubted he would be able to keep the coffee down, but he still took a sip, almost gagging at the familiar, bitter taste.

"We have to talk," Roxas said slowly, and Axel nodded weakly.

"I guess…" he whispered, closing his eyes and trying to suppress the trembling of his traitorous hands.

"I would rather have you sit down for that," Roxas added, and Axel nodded again with a deep sigh. He opened his eyes again, immediately looking away when they accidentally fell on the blond; he placed his cup on the table and flopped down on the chair across from Roxas, folding his arms across his chest. He waited for Roxas to speak up again, but the blond stayed silent; it took Axel a few minutes to realize it was his duty to start talking.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out the first words that came to his mind; words that needed to be repeated over and over again, even though they would never erase his sin. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"I know," Roxas interrupted, and finally their eyes met. Axel was silenced at once. "I already told you, I forgive you…"

Axel remembered the whispered absolution in the dark, far away, as if it had been a dream, but still he shook his head.

"I know you do," he muttered, remorse almost cutting off his air. "But you shouldn't. What I did was unforgiveable."

"I still forgive you," Roxas insisted, smiling weakly. Axel wanted to say more, but this tired, sad smile rendered him speechless once again. Silence filled the kitchen again, and Axel desperately searched for a way to break it; when he couldn't come up with anything to say, he raised his hands and hid his face in them, sighing shakily.

"Why did you do it?" Roxas asked quietly, and Axel couldn't help a small, startled gasp. He ran both hands through his wild spikes, glancing at the blond, who was watching him so eerily calm. It would have been easier if Roxas had kicked him out.

"I don't know," he admitted, feeling ashamed. He heard Roxas sigh, and he dreaded the blond's next words.

"Come on, there must be a reason why you decided to show up at my door and rape me…"

"Oh God," Axel groaned, clamping both hands over his mouth as suddenly his stomach decided to rebel against the coffee. He felt the blood drain from his face, but his eyes were inevitably drawn to Roxas, whose blue eyes seemed a bit colder now. That one word kept replaying itself inside his head: Rape, rape, _rape_, he had _raped_ Roxas, he had _forced_ himself on Roxas, Roxas had begged him to stop and he _hadn't_… He was a _monster_. A _rapist_. How Roxas could even stand to look at him anymore was beyond him. He could barely stand looking in the mirror at the moment.

"Why did you do it?" Roxas demanded again. "Or do you want to tell me you raped me without a reason? 'Cause then I would have to reconsider forgiving you… I thought I really meant something to you when you came back after I kicked you out…"

"You do! You mean so much to me!" Axel cried desperately, reaching out to grab one of Roxas' hands, but pulling back before his hand could actually make contact with the blond's smooth skin, feeling too dirty and disgusting to touch him. "I don't know why, you have to believe me… I just… I saw you with all those people and… I don't know, honestly, I just don't know. I never wanted to hurt you…" He hung his head, suddenly feeling very small and vulnerable; he cowered behind his arms, feeling his shoulders begin to shake. "I don't know," he replied meekly; he blinked a few times when his eyes started to sting, then closed them in defeat. "All the shit that happened, with Reno and my sister… I know, you just wanted to help, but I didn't want you to. I… felt so bad for yelling at you, but I wasn't yet able to apologize, and… then I saw you with _them_… and… I didn't…" He swallowed around a bitter lump forming in his throat. All those excuses were so useless… not one of them justified what he had done. "I didn't want them to touch you… like I touched you. I was so jealous, and I…"

He took a few calming breaths, and he realized he wasn't making any sense. He didn't remember what he had been going to say, so he just finished with a lame, "You… you shouldn't forgive me."

"I know," Roxas replied, laughing tiredly; and for a moment Axel thought his soul would just fall apart at the sight of Roxas' sad, pained smile. "I know I shouldn't."

"You _can't_," Axel whispered, hating his voice for sounding so choked up and weak.

"I can," Roxas disagreed softly. "I _did_."

"I… I hurt you," Axel croaked, and again he could hear Roxas laugh; this time it didn't sound just sad and tired; this time it sounded sardonic and kind of dark.

"I didn't exactly try to stop you, did I? _Can't rape the willing_; isn't that what people say?" Roxas asked, chuckling darkly at Axel's appalled expression. "I guess rape isn't the right word after all…"

Axel wanted to disagree; he remembered that Roxas had told him to stop, he remembered the blond trying to push him away, and had he been in his right mind he would have stopped right then; clearly Roxas hadn't been in his right mind either, or else he would have just beat the crap out of Axel and kicked him out. Axel couldn't even begin to comprehend how Roxas had been able to tolerate his touch. He had forced himself onto the blond, and that Roxas had not resisted as much as he would have been able to, couldn't change that fact. So Roxas had surrendered to him on a purely physical level; it didn't matter, because it still hadn't been consensual. It was still rape, in Axel's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered again, trying to ignore the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

"I know you are," Roxas sighed, and then Axel felt two hands touch one of his; slender fingers curled around his even thinner ones and pulled gently, and Axel didn't possess the strength to resist. He looked up, eyes widening in surprise; he watched as Roxas gently kissed the tips of his cold fingers, and a small groan spilled from his lips at the sight and the feeling. Roxas' lips felt so soft, so warm…

He tried to pull his hand back, feeling confused beyond words, but Roxas didn't release him yet. He pressed Axel's fingers against his forehead, closing his eyes.

"I know you're sorry. You showed me that you're more than sorry yesterday… I'm so glad you came back, Axel…" Roxas moved Axel's hand, this time kissing his palm, nuzzling it with his cheek. Axel could only stare, frozen in shock at the cute display of affection.

"Roxas," he breathed the other man's name, but Roxas shook his head, keeping his eyes closed.

"I'm grateful that you didn't leave me alone, Axel," the blond said, and his voice wavered only slightly. "And… I… want to thank you. You didn't… take advantage of me, thank you… I didn't think straight anymore, I didn't think how much it would hurt when I asked you to… make love to me. Thank you for… holding back."

Axel tried so hard not to cry, but it was no use; the tears that had threatened to fall ever since Roxas had confirmed that he was willing to forgive Axel, even though he knew it was wrong, spilled from his burning eyes and trailed down his cheeks before he wiped them away with his free hand. He gritted his teeth and pressed his lips together to keep any sound of sorrow that could have ripped itself out of his throat inside. This felt wrong, so wrong, Roxas should be mad at him, should hate him, should curse him for what he had done; he should _not_ thank him for _anything_, it was wrong, so wrong, _so wrong_! But even though he knew Roxas was just hurt and vulnerable at the moment, that he couldn't yet think clearly, and that by staying here he, Axel, only took advantage of the fragile state Roxas was in, he didn't know how to respond, how to refuse Roxas' forgiveness; so he just nodded, even though Roxas' eyes were still closed and the blond wouldn't see it. So he moved his hand resting on Roxas' face a little, brushing back a few fluffy, blond spikes, and he loathed himself so much for it, because he shouldn't be allowed to do this, shouldn't be allowed to be near Roxas at all.

"But…" Roxas added hesitantly, and he sighed, pressing his hand against Axel's to hold it in place. "I can't… I can't go on like this. I can't pretend nothing happened."

Ah. There it was. Axel tensed a little, bracing himself against the rejection he knew would inevitably follow; he gently freed his hand, folded both hands on his lap, closed his eyes and waited.

"No _friends with benefits_ anymore," Roxas whispered, keeping his voice low and not trying to touch Axel anymore. "I can't do this any longer. I can't give myself to you without knowing how you feel about me."

"I… understand," Axel replied hoarsely, feeling his hands twitch nervously. Oh, he did understand. He just wasn't sure if he could also accept what Roxas was trying to say. He knew there was no way they could just go back and pretend the rape had never happened, but his foolish heart just wouldn't cease to hope there _was_ a way… He didn't want to lose Roxas. He didn't deserve the blond, he didn't deserve to be near him anymore, and yet he couldn't stand the thought…

"If… if you want to, we can still be friends," Roxas added and smiled, but his smile was a hopeless one, and it was gone as quickly as it came. "If not… you should probably go."

Axel stayed still for a while, the shock rendering him speechless for a moment; he kept repeating Roxas' words over and over in his mind, and then, when he finally managed to process what Roxas had said, he rose from his seat without a word, watching Roxas turning his head to the side and closing his eyes. Roxas' hands fisted in his hair, and in the deafening silence inside the kitchen the quiet sob that escaped the blond sounded unnaturally loud.

Axel quickly stepped around the table and sank to his knees next to Roxas, reaching up to take both his hands, gently peeling them away from golden spikes. He refused to look away when Roxas' eyes flew open, glassy blue eyes widening in shock.

There was no hate, no disgust; there was just sadness and pain. It broke Axel's heart. He could have lived with hate, he had _expected_ hate, but finding not even a trace of it in Roxas' eyes simply caught him off-guard.

With a strangled groan he doubled over, clutching Roxas' hands with his bigger ones so tight it had to hurt; he took a few deep breaths, tried to calm himself down, willed his eyes not to tear up and his heart to beat slower. Roxas was such an angel, not exactly innocent, but so forgiving and so perfect, so beautiful despite the sickly pallor of his skin. Just being near him made Axel feel so dirty and tainted and twisted, just touching him made him lose his voice, his eyes burn and his body tremble. And yet he wanted nothing more than to be near him, to touch him, because Roxas' warm smile made him forget how much of a monster he was. When he dared to look up again, it took him three tries to get the words burning on his tongue out.

"I will go if you want me to," he promised, even though both the words and the uncertainty in Roxas' eyes tore his soul apart. Feeling his hands tighten around Roxas', he took a deep breath. "But I want to stay. If I can only do that as your friend, I will be your friend, not more. I won't… I won't try anything. I will wait for you in the café every day, and we'll just talk, as long as you can stand my presence. But…" He swallowed, and now he had to look down, staring at their joint hands. It almost _hurt_ to see the overwhelming relief shining out of Roxas' eyes. "I want you to know… that I will wait. So if… you can look at me one day without… thinking about what I did to you, without thinking… how much I hurt you… If you can ever look at me again without being disgusted, if you ever get the feeling you could give us a chance, I… will be there. You mean very much to me, and I want you to know that." He slowly let his hands slide from Roxas' smaller ones; the blond was still staring at him in shock, seemingly attempting to reply something, but not uttering a sound.

Axel sighed and rose to his feet, turning to walk out of the kitchen. At the door he stopped again, not yet daring to look back; he knew he needed to say more, but he didn't know what exactly it was he needed to say. He knew what he had just said and done had been horribly inappropriate. Hell, deciding to confess his feelings just a few hours after taking advantage of Roxas like he had done, was probably the most fucked up thing he could do this very moment.

"If you can live with what I just said," he finally told the silent occupant of the room behind himself, "I'll wait at the café on Monday. If you still want to talk to me, you can sit with me; if you don't show up, I'll stay away from you. It's your choice." And with that, he left the room, collecting his jacket and boots from the floor.

But he smiled when a quiet voice reached his ears, and even though the words hurt somewhat, they also soothed the guilt eating away on his mind.

"See you on Monday," was the whispered promise, and it was more than he could have hoped for.

* * *

He barely did anything the whole remaining weekend. Oh, he was fairly sure he slept; right after his shower as soon as he arrived at his apartment, to be precise. And he was pretty certain he also ate something, but the rest of the weekend was a blur. Most of the time he sat on the couch in the living room, gazing at a certain painting sitting in the corner of the room, and he tried to follow his own, quite muddled thoughts. A hopeless cause, he admitted to himself; he didn't even manage to grasp one of them.

He thought about what he would say when he saw Roxas again; then he thought about the possibility of Roxas changing his mind and not meeting up with him on Monday. Then he remembered the last words Roxas had whispered to him and felt reassured that Roxas would talk to him again, then he reminded himself of his own, stupid confession, and he wanted to slap himself. Great, just great. There Roxas had told him he wanted them to be friends, and Axel went and ruined all that by declaring he would wait for Roxas to change his mind. Had he gone _nuts_? Roxas wouldn't want to talk to him again after that, now that he had to think that Axel would still be… _lusting_ after him…

… And then he reminded himself that it still wasn't sure whether or not Roxas would meet him at all, and it all started over again. And again. And _again_.

He briefly contemplated an anger painting, but decided against it; he wasn't angry or desperate, just nervous, and that made everything… worse. He also thought about calling Roxas once or twice, but for the same reasons decided not to do it. He had promised he would wait, and he would wait as long as he had to. He would see if he had driven Roxas away for good on Monday.

* * *

Monday itself wasn't as bad as he had thought. His classes were fairly interesting and managed to distract him for a few hours, but he didn't have as much luck at work…

"If it isn't _Axel_," a smooth voice startled him out of his stupor, and he almost dropped the books he was supposed to place back on the shelves. He blinked and looked around, pursing his lips thoughtfully when his eyes fell on Silver-haired Bast-… _Riku_, and that other guy, the one from the day care, the one with the weird hairstyle… _Demyx_?

"I hear we are allowed to talk to you again," Riku exclaimed, smirking at Axel. Something about that smirk reminded Axel somewhat of a serial killer, and he swallowed nervously. "I take it that you took your chance to _apologize_ to Roxas the other day, then?"

Axel tilted his head to the side, shrugging slowly. He had just been in the '_I'm-not-sure-if-Roxas-will-even-sit-with-me-today'-_phase in his internal debate; and it became harder to reassure himself that Roxas _would_ meet him today the closer their… uhm… _date_ came.

"I seeee," Riku said slowly, shaking his head. "But man, he really caught you off-guard, didn't he? Nasty black eye he gave you there…"

Axel managed a lopsided grin, slowly placing the books he had been carrying on a table next to the shelf he had been supposed to refill. It was true, the bruises on his face had earned him quite a few weird glances today. They had faded a little since Friday, but still contrasted very much with his pale skin. Well, at least the color had changed from angry reddish-black to a milder bluish-purple, already fading to yellow around the edges; the color clashed horribly with his hair, but hey, he had to be grateful that Roxas hadn't broken his nose or anything. For a guy so small he threw one hell of a punch.

"You should have seen it two days ago," he replied, wiping his suddenly sweaty hands on his pants.

"I saw it three days ago, that was more than enough," Riku said and chuckled quietly. And if that wasn't a serial killer's chuckle, Axel's eyes were purple. "I'd _love_ to know what you did to deserve that."

Axel arched his brows and winced when the motion troubled the sore skin around his eye; giving Riku an once-over, halting at the cold, threatening smirk for a moment, he slowly shook his head.

"I'd like to live, thanks," he retorted, making Riku narrow his eyes a little.

"Look," the silver-haired man growled, and Axel couldn't help but wince at the suddenly icy cold tone of his voice. He swallowed nervously, never daring to take his eyes off aquamarine ones, not even to look for a way out. Something in Riku's eyes told him that there _wouldn't_ be a way out. "Don't think I don't know what you did. I know you were at Roxas' apartment. I _saw_ you, almost crying and begging me to give you the key because you did _something stupid_... And if I had known you are such a sick _bastard_, I would never have helped you!"

"That's only between Roxas and me," Axel hissed sharply, feeling a bit surprised at how strong and completely devoid of fear his voice sounded. "It's _none_ of your business, you creep!"

"I'm _making_ it my business," Riku yelled, fixing Axel with a glare. Axel returned the glare unflinching. "What happens to my best friend's cousin _is_ _my goddamn business_!"

"What are you _waiting_ for then?" Axel shouted, even louder than Riku, stepping forward. The expression on Riku's handsome face changed from murderous anger to surprise. "Come on! If you know what happened, just go on and _kill_ me!"

"I _would_," Riku snarled, and now the glare was back. "Believe me, I _would_. But Roxas told me not to."

At the mention of the very reason for their fight Axel felt all strength leave his body, and he had to brace himself on the table with the books he had been sorting to keep himself from falling. He looked to the floor, wondering why it was suddenly so difficult to breathe, and trying to keep his vision from going black.

"I apologized," he defended himself, his voice now sounding hoarse and raw. "I apologized! He forgave me! I apologized for hurting him, I…" He heaved a shuddering breath, running a hand down his hurting face, and he felt panic cutting off his air. He wanted nothing more than to end this talk. He didn't want to think about that night… Oh, fuck, Roxas would _never_ show up today, after all the things Axel had _done_…

"I see," Riku said, and suddenly his voice was very quiet. Axel looked up, and he had to suppress a shudder when bright aquamarine eyes suddenly fixed his with a piercing glare. There was no trace of anger left on Riku's perfect face, but there was so much _disdain_; his expression sent shivers down Axel's spine. For a second Axel panicked; Riku _knew_ what had happened, he had seen Axel at Roxas' apartment and had known they'd had a fight, he had to have talked to Roxas and Roxas had probably told him everything, he knew, _he knew_…

"Well," Riku startled him out of his beginning panic attack. "I _know_ you did something that hurt him badly. But Roxas doesn't talk about it. And he told me to leave you alone. Said that you really regretted whatever you did. He made me promise I wouldn't hurt you. Otherwise I would not hesitate to break every single bone in your scrawny body." He nodded into Axel's direction, the dangerous glint in his eyes never leaving. "See you around, _Axel_."

"Hopefully not," Axel replied, feeling a bit out of breath and dizzy, and he was proud that his voice did not sound borderline hysteric. He watched Riku vanish behind one of the shelves.

"He's just really concerned about Roxas, you know," the other man nearby suddenly spoke up. Axel glanced at him. He had completely forgotten about… Damn, what had been his name? He knew the name, but it was so hard to think straight… "He's usually not like that."

"And you let this nutcase loose on _children_?" Axel clarified, noticing that his voice was shaking now, but only a little. He still felt so weak, and he wanted nothing more than just break down and sleep, _sleep_, but he managed to withstand the temptation of a blissful, dreamless slumber. The man - _Demyx_ - smiled nervously.

"He… really is not like that. He's the nicest guy on earth once you get to know him. It's just… Riku and Sora are pretty close, and they both are very protective about Roxas," he explained and nervously played with the hem of his shirt, grinning apologetically.

"I noticed," Axel agreed, not yet sure if he wanted to talk to this guy at all. "That's why I didn't tell him anything. He would've ripped my head off."

"So what you did to Roxas was really that bad?" Demyx assumed.

Axel froze and cursed his loose mouth, turning around and picking up the books again, glancing at the title of the first one before he shoved it back onto the shelf above him. He barely noticed how much his hands were shaking.

"Look, none of my business, I know," Demyx sighed behind him. "I don't even know Roxas that well, he's just a friend of Sora's I see at work sometimes. But from what I overheard, Roxas no longer curses every time he says your name, so… apparently you did something to make up for whatever it was you did in the first place." Demyx fell silent for a while after this, and it took Axel a moment to understand that sentence.

Whatever it had been he had done in the first place. Basically, that had been calling Roxas a slut.

Crap! How could he _ever_ have believed that Roxas would talk to him again?

"None of my business anyway," Demyx finally repeated, laughing lightly. "It's obvious you can't talk about it, and Riku gave you enough of a scare already, I think. But there was something else I wanted to ask you."

"And what makes you think I would answer?" Axel asked, smiling sweetly. Inwardly he felt sick.

"Why does your sister keep her son a secret?" Demyx still asked, ignoring Axel's sarcastic comment. Axel felt the smile on his face freeze.

Right. The reason _why_ he had had that fight with Roxas in the first place.

"Dunno what you mean," he muttered weakly, continuing to put the books into the right places.

"Oh, come on, I'm not dumb," Demyx exclaimed, and he followed Axel when he tried to escape to the next row of shelves. "Nobody would have believed that shit about you being Reno's dad. He ran to _her_, not to you, and called her 'Mommy'. He didn't say anything about her in the day care, but he talked about you, and he called you 'Axey', not 'Daddy'. And she's an awful liar. _And_ the way you said goodbye didn't sound like you were going to see him again too soon…"

Axel didn't know how to react; usually he would just have yelled at that nosy guy to fuck off and leave him alone. But for some reason he couldn't. Maybe because he was still unsettled by his fight with Riku. Maybe because Demyx was a friend of Roxas', however distant. Maybe because he didn't want to protect his sister anymore. Maybe because he had always felt uncomfortable when lying about Reno.

"She is Reno's mother, am I right?" Demyx said more quietly than before. Axel sighed, but then nodded. "And why did she try to lie about it?"

"What do you think?" Axel mumbled, glancing at the other man from the corners of his eyes. Lucky for him the bookstore seemed quite deserted today, he could only see Riku talking to Zexion in the front of the store.

"Man, I have no idea," Demyx admitted, shaking his head in disbelief. "He's such a sweet kid. And smart too! He learned that one game we played in the matter of minutes, even though he said he hadn't known it before, and Nami said he's good at drawing – pretty advanced for a three-year-old. And he immediately started to talk to the other kids… Usually children take a few moments to adapt to new surroundings, but he wasn't scared at all. He acted like he was best friends with everyone…"

"He's really something, huh?" Axel agreed and smiled fondly, thinking of his nephew.

"Yeah," Demyx said and nodded. "That's why I don't understand why she's hiding him. I mean, I would understand if she did it to protect him from the media or something, but she acted like she wasn't his mom _in front of the boy_! How could she do that? I mean, does she think she can hide she's a mom forever? Why would she in the first place? She can just tell the media she's a mother and live with it like all the other celebrity parents…"

"Say, what do you see when you look at her?" Axel interrupted the day care worker, without even looking at him.

"What do you mean?" Demyx asked surprised.

"What do you see? _Whom_ do you see? Whom did you see when you were at her concerts?" Axel explained, shaking his head. "You didn't see a mother of a three-year-old boy, did you?"

"What? No," Demyx admitted confused. "You mean…"

"It's because of her image," Axel continued quietly, trying not to let the anger he felt every time when he thought about his irresponsible sister get the best of him. He succeeded… but barely. He knew his voice started to shake the longer he spoke. "She's not a mother, she's a nineteen-year-old princess, who plays concert after concert and records album after album. A pop princess hasn't got the time to be a mother. And a pop princess who got pregnant at the age of _sixteen_ is just not acceptable, because she's a fucking idol for other teenage girls. If the public knew she had a son, she would not only have to explain that she had been a very, very careless girl, not the perfect little princess she plays – she would also have to cut back on work and spend more time with him, or else everyone would see her as the bad mother she is. But spending more time with Reno would mean spending less time on her career, which would mean she would earn less money for her label. It's so much easier to just shunt him off to a nanny or relatives, so he's not in the way…"

"But that's horrible," Demyx whispered.

"I can't even blame her," Axel said coolly, shoving the last book into a shelf. "It was her manager's idea. He came up with the story of me being Reno's father too, right after she was first sighted with the baby by some photographer… She managed to completely hide him until he was a year old, but then there was that one photo of her and the baby in some shitty youth magazine. And one day she _begged_ me to babysit him for her, and suddenly there was that guy, another journalist, whatever, right inside her house. He had a key. Found me with the baby in the living room. I kicked him out, and next day there was a picture of _me_ with the baby, and since we have the same hair color, I'm _obviously_ the father. Then they found out I'm Ariel's brother. And then they made up that story about the pop princess and her leech of a brother, who obviously lived with her and lived off her money, who was too lazy to get a job and care for his child." He sneered mirthlessly; turning around to look at Demyx he leaned against the shelf, crossing his arms.

"I don't remember that," Demyx said quietly and tilted his head to the side, watching Axel intently.

"Oh, it was back when her career just was about to _start_. After her first single or something. She was just some starlet from Atlantica. I doubt the whole story ever _left_ Atlantica. And even there it was just one of so many stories. I mean, Atlantica is full of starlets like her. Barely anything changed afterwards, just a few people in my courses at the university asked me about it, and they left me alone when I ignored them." Axel shrugged. "And when Ariel moved to Radiant Garden she hired a nanny for Reno. So she would not be seen with him, you know. I have no idea how she does it, but there were no more stories about her and Reno. She somehow made him all but nonexistent."

"My God," Demyx whispered, seeming shocked about Axel's story. "She's a horrible mother!"

"As I said, I can't really blame her for all of that. It was mostly her manager's idea, and she didn't try anything like it again. Until now, that is." Axel shrugged again.

"Why did you even help her again?" Demyx asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "She completely fucked you over with that! I mean, what she did there was just fucked up!"

"I didn't help _her_, I tried to help Reno," Axel clarified calmly. "He likes spending time with me. And I didn't see him ever since his third birthday a few months ago."

"Why is that? If you don't mind me asking…" Demyx added in a haste when he realized how rude his questions were. Axel just grinned again, shaking his head a little.

"I had a little fight with Ariel there. About her forgetting Reno's goddamned birthday party…"

"She didn't!" Demyx gasped, and Axel laughed.

"Oh, she did," he confirmed acidly. "All his aunties and uncles were there, Grandpa was there, his friends from his latest day care were there, but Mommy had to go to some awards show…"

"You mean the Crescendo Awards?" Demyx asked, obviously horrified. "God, I _watched_ those…"

"She didn't even win anything," Axel continued, snickering at Demyx' appalled expression. "She came home, and Reno wanted to show her his presents, and she didn't even look at him. Just told him Mommy was tired and had to go to bed. Jetlag, you know? And the worst thing is: he wasn't even mad at her. He thinks it's perfectly normal that his mother isn't interested in him at all. She gives him the feeling he is unimportant to her… Just a burden."

"Wow," Demyx muttered. "That makes me regret ever listening to her music."

"Tell me about it. She makes me regret being her brother," Axel retorted, smirking warily. He leaned forward a little, spreading his arms in an inviting manner. "And you know what? If you want to you can quote me when you go to the media and tell them about it. I'm sick of protecting her. I'm sick of lying for her."

"I understand why," Demyx agreed, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "But… No, I won't tell anybody about it. The one who would suffer most is Reno. Poor little guy has it rough enough already."

"Yeah," Axel said, letting his hands drop to his sides again. The bitter smile vanished from his face. "Poor little guy."

He never noticed when Demyx left, staring at the row of books in front of him without seeing them. Poor little guy. Poor little boy, whose parents were never there…

"What are you still doing here?" Zexion's calm voice cut through the bitter reproaches, and Axel flinched, glancing at the other man. Zexion just looked him over, never showing even a hint of emotion. "Your shift is over. Usually you're out of the door as soon as work is done."

"Right…" Axel said, suddenly feeling dreadful. "Is… there something else? Can I help you with something?"

"No, you can go."

"Really?" By now Axel felt like a beggar, and he didn't even know why he kept talking anymore; he should leave, he had to be at the café soon, Roxas would be waiting… or would he? "I could sort the book delivery for tomorrow…"

"Or I could do it myself, like every week," Zexion replied, looking at Axel slightly puzzled. "Do you need more money? I told you I can't pay more…"

"No, not money…" Axel muttered, defeated. "I just… thought you could use some help…"

"No, not really. And if I'd let you work longer, I'd have to pay you more. It's in your contract." Again there was this look in his dark eyes; as if he knew something was up. "Aren't you supposed to be somewhere?"

"I guess…" Axel answered, his voice barely above a whisper. His hands felt sweaty all of a sudden, and his throat too tight; he forced a shuddering breath down his throat, chewing on his lip nervously.

* * *

He left the shop after getting his stuff out of the small room in the back, too distracted by the panic that threatened to take him over to even acknowledge Zexion's calm goodbye. He took a different way to the café, which took him longer than usual. He stopped in front of the shop, but didn't even try to look inside, turned around and tried to walk away… but he stopped after a few steps, sighing and shaking his head. His back turned to the café he ran a hand through his hair and crossed his arms behind his head, looking up to the sky…

"Coffee or green tea for you?" a gentle, female voice called out from behind him, and Axel nearly jumped out of his skin. Barely suppressing the urge to scream he let his arms drop to his sides, glancing back over his shoulder.

Kairi didn't smile, as she did usually. She just looked at him calmly, leaning against the doorframe, one arm outstretched to keep the door open.

Axel turned around, tried to answer her question, but found that he had forgotten it already. He couldn't concentrate; his eyes were drawn to the small, cozy café behind the red-haired waitress, but he couldn't see any customers.

Roxas wasn't there. He knew it. Roxas hadn't come. Roxas hadn't forgiven him. Roxas didn't want to see him again, Roxas hated him, Roxas…

"Roxas asked me to keep you here until we close," Kairi interrupted his troubled thoughts. She smiled, a crooked smile that didn't seem very lady-like. "Man, Riku didn't exaggerate. You look like _shit_, darling."

Axel blinked, still somewhat perplexed. He tried to say something again, but the words just fled his head. Kairi sighed, then shook her head, stepping forward and grabbing his arm.

Axel let out a startled gasp when she pulled him forward with a strength that betrayed her frail appearance. But he was still too dazed to resist her anyway, so he let himself be dragged into the café and pushed down onto one of the seats at the tables in the back.

He slumped in his seat, never meeting Kairi's gaze, just shrugging when she asked what he wanted again. He didn't look up when a cup with a steaming content was placed in front of him, but kept his eyes fixed on the simple pattern on the table-cloth. He mumbled something that he thought vaguely sounded like a 'Thank you', and he cringed when Kairi sat down across from him.

"God, why would Roxas mar such a pretty face like that?" Kairi sighed, propping her chin in one hand.

Axel just glanced at her, but didn't answer. He was used to ignoring people; hopefully Kairi would give up after a while, like everyone else did. He looked down at his hands again.

"Couldn't you use make-up or something?" Kairi chattered on, way too cheerful for Axel's current mood. "Your face looks terrible."

"Right back at you," Axel growled. Okay, if ignoring her didn't work, insulting her surely would. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He felt jittery enough, without her prying… He wanted to go home, he didn't want to be forced to look at the door every five seconds, his heart racing with foolish hope every time he caught sight of blond hair…

"Ooooooh, that _hurts_, Axel, it really does," Kairi giggled good-naturedly; when Axel groaned and ran a hand down his face agitated, she laughed even louder.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" Axel yelled, unable to play her little game any longer; he jumped up and kicked his chair to the side, barely keeping himself from flipping the table as well. "Fuck you! You don't…"

"Sit down," Kairi ordered calmly, not even flinching when Axel's fist hit the table; she stared at him over her folded hands, no longer smiling. "Sit down, drink your tea, and wait for him with me."

"And if I don't?" Axel hissed, leaning down to glare at her, and for a moment he hated her for staying so irritatingly calm when he himself was a nervous wreck. Fuck, he couldn't even keep his hands from shaking…

"If you leave my café you'll regret it," Kairi answered his question, and now her lips formed a wry smile that didn't reach her eyes. The sudden change in her demeanor was so complete Axel was not sure how to react; he wanted to yell at her so badly, tell her to leave him alone, but the usually good-natured waitress looked at him so coldly, so… so _different_… just like Riku had looked at him before.

She _knew_.

"If you leave now and are not here when he enters through that door," Kairi continued quietly, "if he decides to give you another chance and you hurt him by leaving, I will personally make sure you will never have children. And then I will sic Sora and Riku at you, and you will wish you never set foot into this town."

"And if he doesn't come?" Axel tried to shout, but his voice broke in the end.

"Sit down," Kairi repeated.

"But what if he doesn't want to see me?" Axel nearly whispered, his eyes searching out the door again.

"Sit down, you goddamn _asshole_," Kairi replied icily, and Axel slumped down onto his chair. He just didn't possess the strength to resist anymore. "I tried to be nice to you because _Roxas_ asked me to be nice, but so God help me, if you don't sit down right now, I'll break your pretty nose to go with the black eye! Consider yourself lucky that he even _thinks_ about giving you another chance. He didn't want to tell us what you did, but _fuck_, _I know_ what you did to hurt him like that. I wish I didn't know. Just know that you only still live because Roxas begged Sora and Riku and me not to seek you out and beat your sorry ass to bloody pulp…"

"What did he tell you?" Axel asked hoarsely, watching the red-headed waitress through his fingers, trying to hide his shamefully reddening face. He didn't even dare to think about what Roxas had told them…

"He didn't have to say anything," Kairi explained and leaned back a little. "He came to visit Sora without calling him first, and that's something he never does. But when we asked him what's wrong he changed the subject. He just needed company, he couldn't stay alone after what you did, but he didn't tell us what happened. He barely talked at all, but that's not that out of the ordinary… But he was pale and shaking and tired, and don't think I didn't notice that he was _limping_…"

Axel winced, but didn't dare to say anything.

"He covered it up pretty well; I don't think Sora even noticed that. Oh, but you are lucky that he left when Riku came in. If Riku had seen what I saw, you wouldn't be here."

"But Riku _knows_, he…" Axel started, but didn't dare to speak further.

"Yes, Riku knows. He's not dumb," Kairi said icily. "He noticed the condition Roxas was in, we all did. _We all know!_ No, Roxas didn't have to say anything. He was upset. He was limping. And Riku said he had seen you at Roxas' apartment, and that you said you had done _something stupid_… You know, that we're from the islands and not from some big, bad city, doesn't mean we're stupid, Axel. We know you were with him that night, and we know that Roxas was upset about it. So Riku decided it was time for a talk with you. That's why he was at the bookstore today. But Roxas forbade him to hurt you before he left. I guess otherwise you would not be sitting here."

Axel let his hands drop to his lap and stared down at the table, unable to say something, _anything_ that could take the overwhelming guilt off him.

Kairi slowly rose from her seat when other customers entered the café, and Axel dared to heave a sigh of relief.

"Don't even think of leaving," Kairi warned him, glaring at him coldly. "I _will_ find out where you live."

Axel didn't answer, just let out a slightly hysteric chuckle at her words. He stared down into his drink, never touching it.

* * *

He almost pitied himself for looking up every time when he heard the door open, or when Kairi or the other waitress, a raven-haired student who helped out every once in a while and whom he had seen a few times already, came to his table. He never answered the younger waitress when she asked if he wanted another drink, and Kairi didn't even try to be nice to him anymore; no other guest dared to sit near him, and Axel was just fine with that. Eyes fixed on the door he waited, and with every minute that passed he felt his heart sink even more.

The shadows outside grew longer, the light of the sun turned reddish, more people entered the café and left it again. All around him customers were cheerful and happy and enjoyed the beautiful evening outside, and Axel took their happiness as part of his punishment; his punishment for hurting Roxas, a punishment he well deserved, and it didn't matter that Roxas had said he forgave him, because Axel couldn't forgive himself. He never tried to leave, but not because of Kairi's threats; no, he couldn't leave because he owed Roxas at least this much. The shadows grew longer, and the light of the sun faded; street lamps bathed the streets in their soft light, and Axel could no longer stare out at the streets. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his burning, weary eyes and sighing loudly.

Of course Roxas had not showed up. The café was about to close, every moment now Kairi or the other waitress would kick him out. And really, he could already hear footsteps approaching, and he refused to look up and meet Kairi's accusing glare.

"Can I bring you anything to go? We're closing in five minutes," the raven-haired waitress' soft voice reached his ears. Ah, so Kairi didn't even want to kick him out herself, but sent her poor co-worker.

"For _fucks_ sake, _no_, I don't want a fucking drink, and _no_, I don't want to eat anything, and now _leave me the fuck alone_!" he growled loudly and immediately regretted it; the poor girl was just doing her job, and it wasn't her fault he was so down, but he needed to vent his frustration on _someone_, and she just chose the worst time of all to approach him.

"That's nice, but I believe Xion asked _me_, you fucktard," an amused, and definitely male voice replied. Axel's head shot up, but he couldn't focus; he stared straight ahead, and for a moment he believed his mind had played a trick on him. But then there was movement in front of him, right in front of him, right across the table, someone sat down right across the table and… _Black and white and blue and blond, so unearthly golden hair, so rich, deep blue eyes…_

"Hot chocolate for me, please," Roxas said and gave the waitress one of his gentle, perfect smiles. "And that asshole over there is paying for me."

"Right," Xion said and threw Axel a stern look before she went back to the counter to get Roxas' order. She and Kairi started to whisper, never taking their eyes off Axel and Roxas, but Axel couldn't focus on them for long; his eyes were drawn to the young man sitting _so close_, just within reach, and he couldn't believe that Roxas was _smiling_ at him.

"Hi," Roxas said quietly.

"H-Hi," Axel breathed, not even noticing that his voice failed him. His eyes were still fixed on Roxas', and he had a feeling as if Roxas would just vanish if he ever looked away. He didn't even dare to blink.

"I thought you would give up after an hour or so," Roxas declared lightly, but there was something in his expression that didn't fit the carefree tone of his voice at all. He had _really_ thought Axel would give up. And Axel wanted to assure him that he would have waited longer if necessary; that he would have waited for days and would not have left the café, that he would go to hell and back if it was necessary to show Roxas that he cared about him, so much, _too much_… But he didn't know how to voice his thoughts, so he just shook his head weakly.

"Axel?" Roxas asked, and Axel shuddered at the sound of his name. He nodded slowly, signaling he was still listening, and still didn't dare to look elsewhere but into Roxas' eyes.

"Could you please breathe?" Roxas said and frowned slightly. "You're starting to freak me out."

Axel blinked; he hadn't even noticed he had held his breath, and sucked fresh air into his lungs with a hissing sound. He still couldn't believe this was happening…

"Alright," Roxas went on, pursing his lips a little, seeming displeased by Axel's lack of verbal response. "New rules. If you really meant what you said before you left, you will accept them."

Again Axel nodded eagerly. He would accept everything if it meant he would be allowed to be close to Roxas again. Not that he even dared to dream about being as close to Roxas as he already had been… But just to talk to Roxas again, just to see him smile would be enough.

"First of all, you will behave more nicely towards poor waitresses from now on," Roxas declared with a small smile on his lips, and Axel couldn't help but smile back; he even chuckled softly, and he felt like a huge weight had fallen off his chest.

"Second, you will not let your anger about your sister out on me again." Ah. The weight was back. Axel had almost had time to miss it, too, he thought sardonically. But before he could speak up…

"Next time you have to babysit Reno, you will not just run away without an explanation," Roxas continued, and Axel frowned; this came not unexpected, but still it surprised him. "And you will never, _ever_ talk about what happened last Friday again."

"But I…" Axel tried to object, but Roxas silenced him with a cold glare. Axel flinched and bit his lip, feeling too guilty to actually protest against Roxas' rules.

"I am willing to forget all about the time since our fight," Roxas clarified, looking at Axel over his folded hands. "But only if you agree never to mention any relationship we had that felt like more than a simple friendship. Only if you never remind me… of… how stupid I was to believe we could be more than friends."

"I can't… I can't do that," Axel whispered ruefully.

"If you can't, I will walk out of this door and will never talk to you again," Roxas promised darkly. And when Axel just continued to stare ahead without looking at Roxas directly, the younger man attempted to rise from his seat.

"Wait!" Axel blurted out, frantically catching Roxas' wrist in a tight grip. He felt Roxas flinch violently, and when he looked up he noticed how pale Roxas had become. He let go of Roxas' hand, and Roxas jerked back as if burnt, rubbing his skin while watching Axel with distrust in his eyes.

Axel slowly pulled back his hand, and even though he told himself he had _expected_ Roxas to be scared or at least very suspicious of him, after the things that had happened between them, it still hurt. A lot. More than he had expected. Probably a bit more than he could take, but right now he couldn't allow himself to show his weakness, if he didn't want to lose Roxas for good.

"I can't promise you that," he said, trying not to stare at Roxas' shaking hands, but not able to avert his gaze anyway. "I can only promise you that I will try my best. I… I understand if that's not enough for you, but it's all I can offer."

And he tried to look away, he tried so goddamn hard, and he knew it made him look like a creep, but he couldn't rip his eyes away from Roxas' hands; those hands that had pulled him closer when they had first kissed, those hands that had gently guided his own when they had first made love; those hands that had tried to push him away and had encouraged him, those hands that had hit him when Roxas had thrown him out of his apartment, and that had caressed his face when Roxas had whispered words of forgiveness in the dark. Those hands that would probably never touch him again.

And finally Roxas let his hands fall to his sides and turned around, and only now Axel could look up, feeling the faint glimmer of hope he had cherished vanish. He watched Roxas slowly making his way to the door, and he tried not to feel so choked up and so weak… But with every step Roxas took he felt his own shoulders sag and his eyes burn more.

He was so ready to give up and admit that he had blown it for good, he was ready to stand up and go to his apartment, pack his stuff and leave Twilight Town. He was ready to leave, yes. Because that would be best for Roxas, and it was the least he could do.

And then Roxas stopped at the door, turned his head, only a little, and without looking at Axel, but enough to let Axel catch a glimpse of sad, blue eyes.

"See you tomorrow," Roxas said, just loud enough for Axel to hear, and Axel couldn't help the ecstatic grin that suddenly spread over his face. His heart suddenly beat twice as fast, and his hands wouldn't stop shaking, and he had to concentrate to keep himself from shouting out loud, and as soon as the door had closed behind Roxas, he closed his eyes and clasped his hands, silently thanking every God that would listen for this miracle.

"Uh…" a female voice exclaimed timidly, and when Axel opened his eyes again, he couldn't help but beam at Xion, who stood at his table, a paper cup with a plastic cap on top in one hand, obviously very nervous. "Uhm, Roxas said… you'd pay?"

"I'm pretty sure he said 'That asshole over there'," Axel replied, grinning from ear to ear and chuckling quietly when the young waitress blushed. "Yeah, that would be me."

"Well… since the hot chocolate was for him, you don't…" Xion spoke up again, and Axel just snatched the cup, pulled some munny out of a pocket and dropped it on the table, never minding that he'd just paid for fifteen of those cups.

"Keep the change," he all but _sang_, and took a sip of the hot, sweet, foamy liquid. Aah, he could taste why Roxas loved this stuff so much. _Roxas_, his Roxas, his lovely, lovely Roxas, who had forgiven him, who had talked to him, looked at him, smiled at him, Roxas, Roxas, _Roxas_…

"Bye, Kairi," he laughed when he skipped out of the café, leaving both waitresses speechless. "Oh, and I live in 295 Station Heights, apartment number eight, just in case Riku or Sora want to pay me a visit!"

Laughing freely at Kairi's baffled expression, he closed the door behind himself and nipped at the hot chocolate again, completely ignoring how people around him turned around to stare at him; right now he didn't mind. Roxas had forgiven him, Roxas wanted to be friends with him, he would see Roxas tomorrow.

Life was good.

* * *

**Quick Note: **Sorry for the slow updates, I officially hate my life for interfering with my dearest hobby, I hope you still enjoy this story, thanks for reading, 'kay, bye. Oh, and Salem, I'M SORRY for, like, vanishing for so long. AGAIN! ____**  
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